Pas de Trois
by fracturedfairytales
Summary: A sequel to "Pas de Deux". Riley's focus shifts from her mental health recovery to her physical recovery. Lucas is more than supportive about her efforts to regain her strength, but what happens when his own personal demons and the winds of change threaten to destroy the relationship that he worked so hard to regain? Rucas centric, but Joshaya, Smarkle, and other couples appear.
1. Prologue

_**A/N: This is a brief prologue, but I wanted to let you know that the story does continue. Updates will be slower for this one right now as my primary focus is still "Serendipity".**_

* * *

Pas de Trois

 _Pas de trois is a classical ballet term meaning "dance for three." Very similar to the idea of a pas de deux, just with one more dancer._

* * *

The lights slowly dimmed as the stage crew walked across the stage. They were quick as they disassembled the platform that was used for the previous piece. Riley watched the crew as they quickly pulled the structure apart in three separate pieces. She could feel her heart beat in her toes as she tried to steady her nerves. _'This is it,'_ she thought as she saw the set being pushed off of the stage. Hours of practice led her here. Endless training. Overcoming all the odds. And here she finally was. She closed her eyes for a brief moment to collect her thoughts. She would feel much more confident if she knew he was there.

But he wasn't. She knew that. The past year had been the roughest, most emotional, most intense, most beautiful, and most tragic she had ever had. When she thought back on everything, she realized that the last year of her life contained more tears, more laughter, and more love than the previous seventeen years combined. It was all a whirlwind for the brunette. She had reached the very bottom of herself to rise up to where she was at that very moment.

She never thought she'd be here again. Not after the accident. But he encouraged her, pushed her, and inspired her—as did everyone in her life. They never quit on her, even when she wanted to-begged to. She was scared. Scared of going back, of becoming who she swore she would never be again, but the desire to dance, the passion she had for it, was a part of who she was. She couldn't walk away from it. Despite her fears, she didn't want to.

In some way, dance—her first love—was what eventually cost her a love that meant more than anything to her. Did that all happen in just one year? She looked down at her right leg. It had been a little over a year since it happened. She still had nightmares about it. The sound of the other car hitting them echoed throughout her mind, but the memories of the aftermath of it all haunted her more.

One year. They told her that she would never regain her full strength. They told her that she would be lucky just to be able to eventually perform other forms of dance. Regaining her physical strength in order to dance at the level she was used to would be impossible.

Riley looked down as she stretched her right foot. She took a deep breath as she lifted the heels of her feet off the ground. _'They were wrong,'_ she smiled softly to herself as she balanced on her toes.

She had doubted herself. She doubted herself for a long time, but he never did. Even when she laid in the hospital, after hearing that she might not ever be the same again, he didn't doubt that she would get back to this. His faith in her seemed to be unwavering.

Riley took a shaky breath, trying to will away the tears that had formed in her eyes. She couldn't think about that now. She had to think about the choreography, the music. She just wanted to be swept away for the next five minutes. She needed an escape and dance always offered that for her.

"Are you ready for this, Riley," a familiar voice asked from beside her.

Riley opened her eyes and turned toward the sound of the voice. Even in the dim lighting, she knew who stood next to her. He had been there the whole time. He hadn't let her down.

"Yes," she whispered as she took his offered hand, "I'm ready, Charlie."


	2. Chapter One

_**A/N: I know. It's been awhile. Sorry. I've had a few plot problems with this one, and while I still don't have them completely worked out, I found a little inspiration and decided that since I had already written the first chapter and a half several months ago, there was no harm in posting them. I can't guarantee a set update schedule right now, because "Amaranthine" is my priority and I'm still trying to think about how to get this story where I want it to go. Again, I'm so sorry for the incredibly long wait. I hope eventually, it will be worth it.**_

* * *

Chapter One

Riley's eyes snapped open as she sat straight up in bed. Breathless, she sat there for a few minutes as she tried to calm herself down. She ran a hand through her tangled locks as she thought about the dream she just had. It was the same nightmare that seemed to haunt her over the last few weeks.

They were in the car accident all over again, but this time, it wasn't Riley's side that got hit. It was Lucas's, and he didn't make it out. _Lucas._ Riley shook her head. It wasn't real. The accident happened months ago, but Riley still couldn't seem to fully recover from it. She threw her covers off of her and immediately looked down at her right leg. It was weird to actually see her leg without some sort of cast on it. She had followed her doctor's instructions to a 't', and managed to be rid of those insufferable casts two weeks ahead of schedule. She still had to take it relatively slow, and she still had to endure physical therapy three days a week, but she was grateful that she was one step closer to normal.

She took her time as she climbed out of bed. Once she fully stood up, she tried to put some weight on that leg. It stung a little at first, but she managed to keep her balance. "Not quite normal yet," Riley muttered as she hobbled to her closet. The doctors were convinced that Riley's slight limp was only temporary. If she stuck with the physical therapy and the ballet classes they encouraged her to take, she should eventually see some progress.

' _Ballet,'_ she thought as she saw her pointe shoes hanging up in her closet. This afternoon she was going to go to the studio, and not just to help choreograph one of the two classes she was working with. She was actually going to do a warm up.

Riley loved ballet. She loved gliding across the stage. She loved expressing her emotions through movement. At the same time, the pressure that she placed on herself to be perfect at the art form caused her to turn her back on it. She didn't like who she became. She was also worried that her eating disorder would somehow resurface again. After lengthy discussions with her therapist about it, and with her blessing, Riley decided that she wasn't going to quit. She loved dance too much to completely give up. She would just have to rise above the pressure to be perfect. Besides, Riley just wanted to dance for fun now.

At least, that's what she told herself.

She couldn't help but smile as she tried to figure out what to wear that day. It was her first day at school without any sort of cast on her leg. For the first time in months, her wardrobe wasn't limited to what she could maneuver around in a bulky cast. She considered wearing shorts, but one look outside her bay window reminded her that it was March—way too cold for such a bold choice. She opted for a slightly longer dress and a pair of leggings. She could show everyone that her cast was off while remaining respectful to the frigid season.

* * *

Riley stared at her leg the whole ride to school. At one point, she was sure she would never see the day where she would be able to not have some sort of contraption on it. Excited wasn't a strong enough of a word to describe how she felt in that moment. Her life was waiting for her to finally take it back. She was determined to make her own rules this time and not live by some ideology that no one could possibly live up to.

"Are you gonna get out of the car, or are you just gonna stare at your leg all day," her brother teased as he opened the passenger side door to let her out of the vehicle.

Riley blushed as she climbed out of the car. "Trust me, Josh. You would be the same way if the roles were reversed."

"I believe you," he smiled as he took her hand to help her climb out of the SUV. "It's good to see you so happy, Riles."

"It's good to be this happy," she chuckled. She turned to her father who remained seated in the vehicle. "Thanks for the curb side service, dad."

"Always," he smiled. "See you this afternoon."

"Don't remind me," she replied wryly, a smile still on her face. Somehow, he managed to do it again. She was in his history class once more with Maya and Farkle. He also managed to get Lucas in the same class as well. He didn't allow her boyfriend to sit behind her or even next to her. He claimed it was because he knew Riley would be distracted, but Riley was fairly certain that while she knew her father approved of Lucas, he was still trying to get used to the idea of her dating and the fact that he wanted to protect 'daddy's little girl'. She glanced back at her brother as something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. "Look ou—"

"Oof," Josh grunted as he nearly doubled over from the impact of someone jumping on his back. When he heard the melodic giggle of his girlfriend behind him, Josh spun them around. "Get off of me you little ferret!"

Maya laughed as she hung onto his neck, her legs wrapped around his hips. Once he stopped moving, she jumped down, breathless. "Good morning," she greeted with a light kiss to his lips.

Riley groaned as she rolled her eyes and looked away. "Gross, guys."

Maya wrinkled her nose at her best friend. "You are one to talk, Miss Matthews." She grabbed Riley's arm as Maya began to escort her best friend toward the entrance of the school. "I'm sure as soon as you see Ranger Rick you're going to—"

As if on cue, the former quarterback of the football team jogged toward the small group. "Hey," he smiled when he reached the trio. He greeted the whole group, but his eyes remained focused solely on Riley.

"Hey," was her soft reply. She felt her grin widen the moment she saw him. She stood up on her tiptoes as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned down to give her a soft kiss.

"Gross, guys," Maya teased. She felt Josh put an arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him. "They are so nauseating. Am I right?"

Riley cut her eyes to her best friend. "Shut up," she groaned before she looked back at her boyfriend.

Lucas brushed a lock of hair from her eyes as he observed how ethereal she looked in the sunlight. "You look beautiful."

A chill rippled down her spine as he tucked the loose tendril behind her ear. "It's because I don't have that horrible thing on my leg anymore." She pulled away from him as she looked down at her leg once again. The foursome fell back into step as they walked into John Quincy Adams High.

"Are you excited about this afternoon," Lucas asked Riley as he walked her to her locker.

"Are you kidding? I've been waiting for today for such a long time. I know it's only a warm up, but it's going to feel amazing to get back into some sort of routine." She was nervous, really nervous, to dance again. She knew she would get sore, tired, frustrated, but she was determined. She wasn't going to let the accident rule her life. She had played the victim long enough. She wanted her life back.

"I wish I could be there."

She closed her locker before she turned to face him. "I do too, but you have baseball practice. It'll be boring for a while anyway. Charlie will probably just have me work on a few basic stretches."

"I know, but I want to be there every step of the way."

She gave him a warm smile. "You already are." She placed both of her hands on his shoulders as she stood on her left tiptoe to give him a kiss on the lips.

Lucas smiled against her lips as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Gross," Maya and Josh cringed.

* * *

Riley's hands shook as she walked into the studio. She used to spend almost every waking moment in the building, but now it felt so different. She had been there a few days a week for the past month helping with the choreography for a few of the dances for the younger age groups, but this felt different. She was starting over.

She managed to coordinate her schedule with Charlie, one of the few people she trusted to see her through the whole rehabilitation process. They had known one another for years and had been pas de deux partners for the last three years. Trusting him was a necessity of the class. Though some of the instructors offered to help in between classes, Riley wanted to establish some consistent practice schedules. Her therapist agreed.

She arrived at the studio a few minutes before 4:00. She sat her bag down as she walked around the empty dance space. Her hands brushed across the barre as she wandered around. She knew this was the beginning of her road to a full recovery. All of the doctors, including her therapist, cautioned her against believing that she would be able to have the range and strength that she once had. Riley knew that it would take a miracle to get all of that back, but she wanted to try. Even if she had to settle for just sticking with less physically taxing forms of dance, she would do it. This place was in her blood. She had missed being here more than she thought she did.

"Am I interrupting," a familiar voice asked from the doorway of the almost empty studio.

Riley turned to face her dance partner and friend. "Not at all. Just trying to get back into the right frame of mind."

Charlie looked down at her legs. "Congratulations on getting the walking boot off."

Riley looked down. She must have stared at her lower limbs a hundred times over the course of the day just to remind herself that it was real—that she didn't need that stupid boot anymore. "Thanks. It's been…frustrating."

He walked toward the stereo system as he sat his bag down. "Oh, I'm sure that frustration is nothing compared to what we're about to do."

Riley resumed her trek around the studio. "I'm sure you're right."

He thumbed through the CDs next to the stereo. When he found the one he was looking for, he slid it into the player. "Ok, so thirty minutes a day, three days a week for the first month, right?"

She nodded.

"Sounds solid. So, how's the family?" Classical music filled the air as he walked toward the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"They're good." She followed him over to the barre. "They seem really supportive over this."

"Well, they know that you've made this your life for so long. It would be impossible to ask you to give it all up. Your parents have always been very supportive." Secretly, Charlie had always been jealous of that fact. His mother encouraged dance as much as she could. His father always balked at the idea. The last thing Jake Gardner wanted was for his son to become a ballet dancer.

"True." Her parents had been nothing but encouraging through the whole process. She wasn't sure if she would have made it this far in her recovery without their support. It was one reason why she was determined to not make the same mistakes she did before.

"Ok, first position," he instructed.

Riley took a deep breath as she placed her feet together for a moment before separating her toes, her heels touching one another.

Charlie watched Riley bite her lip as she slightly wobbled. "How bad does it hurt?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine," she ground out.

He sensed her discomfort. He knew that he needed to keep himself aware of her reactions to these warm-ups. If there was one thing he knew about Riley Matthews, it was that she wasn't going to tell him when she was in minor pain. She was going to push herself to work through it. He knew that some of it would be unavoidable. He just hoped that he would be able to tell the difference between inevitable pain and pushing-too-hard, potentially damaging pain. "Let's stay like this for a few counts, ok?" He noticed her gaze had fallen to her feet. He realized that he needed to get her to relax. "How's Maya? Lucas?"

"Good," she said, her eyes still focused on her feet.

"You two have been together for a while, right?"

Why was he asking her about Lucas? Did he not understand that she needed to concentrate right now? "A total of four months," she answered. "One month before the accident. Two month break. Now almost three months." She chuckled as she looked up at her friend. "Sounds ridiculous, right?"

Charlie laughed. "Sounds a lot like high school." He watched as Riley began to relax her shoulders. "Good. Now, let's go to second." She slowly spread her legs shoulder length apart to go into second position. He immediately noticed that she began to tense up again. "He's a senior, right?"

She took a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Where is he going in the fall?"

"Initially he thought about going back to Texas. He even applied, but then he decided against going. He likes the city. He got into NYU, so I think that's where he's leaning right now."

"Why did he change his mind about Texas?"

Riley shook her head. "I know what you're thinking. You think it's because of me. It's not. He decided which school he wanted to go to while we were still broken up." She turned her feet out a little more as she felt her legs relax into the pose. "He didn't like who he was in Texas. Everyone expected so much from him. He feels freer here. He wants to find something he's passionate about."

Not even five minutes into their first warm up and Charlie felt like he had found the best method to get Riley to take everything slowly and keep her mind off the mechanics of what they were doing: conversation. "I bet you're happy about it."

"I am. I mean…we would've made it work no matter what, but it does make it easier being in the same time zone."

"I'm sure. Ok…go to third…slowly."

Riley slowly slid her right leg back in and positioned her heel against the middle of her left foot. She let out a discouraged sigh. "I can't believe I feel sore just going into to third position."

"We both know that it's going to be a slow process," he reminded her. "I'm going to be here every step of the way. You're doing great so far."

Riley straightened her back despite the disappointment in her tone. "I'm just going through the ballet positions, Charlie. I feel like I'm a kid all over again."

"We'll get you back, Riley. You just need to trust and believe in yourself."

She gave him a smile. "Thanks, Charlie. You're such a good friend for helping me."


	3. Chapter Two

_**A/N: I'm trying to get back into this one. I've changed the name of the fic, and have altered the plot a bit. I'm actually pretty excited about it, but I know it's going to take me a little time to slide back into the rhythm of this AU world, so please be patient with me. Hopefully, it'll be worth it. Definitely planning on updating more frequently now.**_

* * *

Chapter Two

Riley's parents and her brothers waited anxiously for Riley and Maya to come home. As soon as the door opened, they all rushed to the living room to get an update on how her first day back in the studio went. Maya and Riley simply looked at one another before looking back at the group. "Hey," Riley greeted slowly.

"Well?!" Her mother couldn't help it. She knew this was huge step in Riley's recovery. She was initially very leery about allowing Riley to get back into the dance studio, but after countless conversations with her and her therapist, she knew that she needed to trust her daughter's recovery, and at the end of the day, all she wanted was for Riley to be happy and healthy.

Riley tried to hide her smile. She loved how supportive her family seemed to be about her recovery, but she never expected everyone to pounce on her as soon as she came home. It was a little overwhelming. "Well what?"

"How was it?" Cory walked toward his daughter in order to take her gym bag from her.

As the girls walked into the living room, Riley's family trailed closely behind them. "It went fine. Charlie and I took everything very slowly. We started off simple with the positions and some demi plies. Nothing earth shattering."

"I'm glad it was a good first day back," Auggie told her. Initially, their parents tried to hide the details of Riley's accident from the youngest Matthews child, but Riley didn't want to hide anything from anyone she loved. Auggie was old enough to hear everything, and he seemed appreciative over the fact that his siblings were starting to treat him as they would one another. He had often felt left out since Josh and Riley were so close in age, but as the family rallied together, he never felt closer to his brother and sister.

"Thanks, Aug. It was a good day back. It's going to take a lot of time to get back to where I was though." It was a perfect way to disguise her frustration. She couldn't believe how exhausted she felt from one half hour practice where all she did was mild stretching. She knew she had a long road ahead of her, but she never anticipated it would be quite as long as she now feared it would be.

Cory detected the frustration in his only daughter's tone. He knew that Riley took after his wife. In everything she did, she had to be the best or she didn't understand the point in doing it. As with Topanga, he was concerned in allowing her to drift back into the world where she felt so much pressure that she practically starved herself, but he knew that he couldn't protect her from the world forever. He needed to be able to trust her. He wanted to be able to trust her again. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

Riley nodded. Despite the frustration, being in the studio again awakened her. She felt almost normal for the first time since the accident. She knew she had to be careful, but dance was her first love. She couldn't just quit. "I love to dance, dad. Don't worry. I'm going to do it the right way this time. I promise."

"That's all we want," her mother told her.

Maya put an arm around her best friend. She knew that Riley was more than capable of handling the atmosphere that had once been so toxic for her. "I'll be here to help every step of the way."

"Me too," Josh added as he moved to the other side of Riley. Initially, he didn't want her to return to dance, to be tempted to starve herself again, but he knew his sister. He knew that she had loved ballet for as long as he could remember. He knew that when she put her mind to something, that there was nothing that could stop her. He just hoped that she wouldn't put as much pressure on herself this time.

* * *

Riley and Maya lounged in Riley's room as they both worked on their homework. "Only a few more months," Maya groaned as she turned the page on her anatomy book. "Then we'll be seniors."

"Crazy, isn't it?" Riley twirled her pen around her fingers for a moment as she thought about it. Her and Maya would be seniors. Josh and Lucas would be off at college. She always knew it was coming, but for some reason, it suddenly became very real to her. "I can't believe the guys won't be there next year."

Maya looked up at Riley. "Yeah, but it's not like they're going to school in California or anything. They'll still be in the city."

"True, but it's still different." They won't see each other every day; share any of the same classes. Yeah, they'll all be in New York, but the boys will be in college while they were still in high school.

Riley's bedroom door opened as Josh came in carrying a vase of red roses. "Special delivery," he called out from behind the arrangement.

"Aw honey, you shouldn't have," Maya smiled as she stood up.

Josh chuckled. "I actually didn't." He slid his hands into his back pockets. "These just came for you, Riley."

"Me?" She climbed off her bed and walked toward the arrangement. She looked up at Josh before she pulled out the card. She opened it and smiled as she read the note.

"Care to share," Maya asked when she noticed a small blush creep up on her best friend's cheeks.

"' _I've never had a moment's doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life."_ She looked at the quizzical looks on her brother and best friend's faces. "It's from  Atonement," she clarified before she scanned the note once more. Literature. One of the many things they had in common. It became somewhat of a game between them. They often quoted their favorite books back and forth with one another. Sometimes they tried to stump one another, but neither had been very successful in doing so. Sometimes, they would have entire conversations comprised of literary quotes. She knew that it was weird, and that no one else seemed to understand why they did it, but it had always been their thing.

Maya's lips formed a perfect 'o' in response. "Moving on to the modern classics now, I see," she quipped. She had to give her best friend a hard time. It was what she did, but truth be told, she loved seeing that dopey love sick smile on Riley's face. Her best friend was head over heels in love with the only guy who could even come close to being worthy of her. Maya had approved of Lucas a long time ago, but with every passing day, with every smile he was able to put on Riley's face, Maya's appreciation for the Texan grew more and more. Riley had been through so much in the last year, more than enough to make anyone else give up, but not her. She smiled and laughed more now than Maya could ever remember. She knew it was all because of Lucas. He made her happy, and that made him more than good enough for her best friend.

"I need to tell him that he's ruining the curve," Josh sighed. He was grateful that his sister and his best friend were happy with one another. He trusted Lucas with Riley. He knew that Lucas would rather hurt himself than ever hurt her, the last year had more than proven that.

"No he isn't," Maya said as she walked toward her boyfriend. "I mean flowers and cute little notes are all well and good, but I don't need all of that to know how you feel about me. I just need this." She held his face in her hands as she leaned in to kiss him.

Riley cringed when she looked up to see her best friend and her brother making out. "Really guys? This is _my_ room." When the couple didn't even acknowledge her comment, Riley looked at the flowers on top of her desk. _'How did I get so lucky,'_ she thought as she leaned down to inhale the sweet smell of her roses.

* * *

Riley bounded out of her room and down the stairs as soon as she got the text message. She wasn't sure in her haste, but she completely missed the last three steps as she jumped off the staircase to reach the landing. She knew she was being a little reckless since she had barely gotten her cast off, but she was ready to see him, and if she could save three seconds by jumping down the last few stairs, then it was worth it.

Breathless, she slid into the kitchen, her hair flying over her face. She quickly ran a hand through it as she tried in vain to get it out of her face so she could see him. "Hi!"

Josh laughed at her. "What a welcome!" He heard the thud moments before she skidded into the room. He wanted to scold her for doing that while she was still healing from the accident, but seeing her so excited made him completely forget about her transgression.

She rolled her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. "Not talking to you, big brother."

Lucas smiled as he turned to his girlfriend. "Hey gorgeous." He stood up from the kitchen table in order to greet her with a hug.

Riley smiled against his shoulder as he held her. This was exactly what she had waited for all day. She needed to feel his arms around her. The frustration of her first practice nearly melted away as she allowed herself to revel in the love she felt when she was around him. "Thank you for my flowers. You really didn't have to."

"I wanted to," he answered as he pulled back from her. "I hate I couldn't be there." He wanted to be there. He needed to be there, but he couldn't miss the mandatory practice.

"You didn't miss much," she assured him. "Just a bunch of warm-ups." _'And me getting frustrated about my inability to do much of anything,'_ she thought to herself. She knew she couldn't release her frustration about her leg to them. They would take it to mean that she was already putting performance pressure on herself and the last thing Riley wanted to do was to make any of them worry about her health. She was fine. She only wished that she could make her legs do what she wanted them to.

Lucas could sense that there was more on her mind, something she wasn't saying. It concerned him, but he also knew that she would talk to him about it whenever she was ready to. "How are you feeling?"

"A little sore, but…determined."

"Good determined though, right," Josh asked from his seated position behind Lucas. He hated that he had to ask, but he wasn't about to lose her again—not when she was beginning to smile again.

She nodded. "Absolutely." She looked back at her boyfriend. "What are you guys working on tonight?"

"Calculus," Lucas answered. "Got a pretty big test tomorrow."

"Oh." She quickly tried to hide her disappointment. The last thing she wanted to do was to make him feel bad for having to study for a test. She had hoped that he would be interested in watching a movie with her, but she wasn't about to pull him away from studying now. "Well, I'll let you two get back to it then." She gave the guys a smile before she turned around to go back to her room.

Lucas glanced at Josh for a moment before he turned back to Riley. "Wait a minute."

She turned around to look at him. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing Friday night?"

She tilted her head to the side. She was going to go to MOMA with Maya Saturday afternoon and Auggie had a soccer game on Sunday. Besides that, she couldn't think of anything else. "I don't have any plans yet, why?"

"Would you like to go to out to dinner with me?"

She smiled. "Yes."


	4. Chapter Three

_**A/N: I've done a detailed outline for this entire fic, and plan to get it written out over the next few weeks. I hope that you'll enjoy it.**_

* * *

Chapter Three

Friday night. Charlie and Riley had completed another practice earlier that afternoon, and while she felt better prepared for what to expect in the coming months (and how slow her recovery would be), Riley still felt completely out of sync. Was this going to be the new normal for her? Dance had always come fairly easily to her, despite her clumsy nature. Now, every movement felt difficult, ridged, completely unlike the fluidity and grace she was used to. She had to keep reminding herself that she was at the beginning of her recovery and that those movements might not come back to her as easily the second time around, but at the end of the day, she knew she had to push through. She had to prove to herself that she could still do this, that the accident hadn't beaten her.

But she didn't want to think about any of that now. It was Friday night and the promise of a relaxing weekend awaited her, beginning with her date with Lucas. As she put on the finishing touches of her makeup, she glanced at the flowers perched on her desk. They still looked as beautiful as the moment she saw them.

And the guy who gave them to her, the guy who had stood by her—even when she shoved him away…well, he meant more to her than she ever thought possible.

He had always believed in her, always that this faith in her that she would never understand. Even when they broke up, even when she told him about her eating disorder, he still believed in her—that she would come back from this.

She smiled when she saw him as she marveled at how her life seemed to finally be coming together. That was her motivation through this recovery. All she had to do was continue her physical therapy and continue to rehab her leg. She knew that she could have it all if she only pushed through.

Her smile slowly began to falter as the night wore on. She could tell that something was on his mind, something that he seemed nervous about. She tried to ask him about it on the way to the restaurant, but he changed the subject. She then noticed that he seemed to be brooding throughout their meal. When she asked him about it again, he insisted once more that he was fine.

After dinner, he took her to the park, to the spot where he lifted her on that perfect autumn day. By the time they sat down on a bench, her nerves were completely shot. Something was going on, something that he didn't want to tell her, and that knowledge made her nauseous. They had been completely open with one another when they reconciled. They knew that was the only way to ensure they wouldn't repeat the mistakes that tore them apart. As she watched him take several deep breaths, she resigned herself to the fact that nothing good was going to come out of their conversation.

"Lucas, please…just tell me…whatever it is…" she practically begged as he sat down next to her. She couldn't stand it anymore. He had something to say and all she wanted was to hear it. It couldn't be any worse than the thoughts that were raging through her weary mind.

Lucas let out a long breath. He had been trying to figure out what to say to her for the better part of three days. How was he going to break the news to her? How would she react? He knew that she was only beginning to really dive into her physical recovery from the accident. The last thing he wanted to do was to send her on an emotional tailspin, but at the same time, he knew that he had to tell her, had to talk to her about it. "Well, you know how I got into A&M and NYU, right?"

She swallowed harshly as an immediate assumption popped up in her mind. "Yeah?"

He took another deep breath. This would go a lot better if he just spit it out. "And how I thought that A&M wasn't even a real option because they weren't able to get me a scholarship and that I would have to tryout for the football team as a walk on?"

"Yeah?" She clasped her hands together as her heart began to race. Her initial assumption suddenly felt a lot more realistic. Her heart already knew what he was about to say. Her brain, however, insisted that she wait until he verified it.

Lucas rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. He couldn't look at her. He honestly wasn't sure how she would react. They had been through so much already. He wasn't sure why he was even telling her this _. 'Because it's what you want,'_ his brain screamed. "Well, the guy they wanted to become the second string quarterback…and take over the team in two years since the first string will be a senior…well, he decided to go to a different school instead. They apparently made him a better offer."

She nodded, even as her heart sunk into her stomach. This was it. "Ok. So…"

He turned to her. He knew he had to see her reaction in order to know what would be the right decision. "So, they called me the other day…and offered me a full scholarship. They want me to become their second string quarterback next year."

One of her worst fears suddenly became a reality. Lucas had an opportunity to leave, to go back to Texas, and he wanted to go. She knew he wanted to. If he didn't, he wouldn't have even mentioned it. She took a deep breath. "But you already accepted an academic scholarship to NYU. I thought that you and Josh were going to go there next year?"

He nodded. She seemed calm, composed, but he still felt like the lowest creature on the planet. He told her that he would go to NYU, be in the city, and be able to see her most days. Now, he dropped this bomb on her and expected her to understand. He knew he was asking for a lot, but if anyone could understand what it meant when you were so close to achieving your dreams, she did. "I know, but my parents, the guidance counselor, and even Josh told me that I should think about it…you know? This is what I've always wanted, Riley…to play college football…to get into a good vet program and A&M has an amazing program. It's perfect except for…"

Riley nodded. "Except the fact that you'll be 2000 miles away." She looked down at the ground. It felt like she had been punched in the stomach. There were a lot of emotions that ran through her, but she knew she had no right to get angry at him for it. He had every right to go to whatever college he wanted to. "It's a lot to take in right now."

He inched a little closer to her. He wasn't sure how she would react. He knew that she was surprised. He had been just as shocked when he received the letter, but he needed her support. He needed to know that if he went to A&M, she would still be beside him. The last thing he wanted was to lose her—especially now that they were finally back together. They had been so happy over the last few months. He didn't want to risk losing that because of some ridiculous scholarship. "I know. I know it is, and I haven't committed or anything. I wanted to talk to you first."

"Well, fifth." It slipped out before she could stop herself. The first sliver of resentment oozed through her. She immediately regretted it and hoped that he had somehow misheard her.

Lucas frowned. "Huh?"

It was out there in the universe. She knew that she had no right to be upset, but the words fell from her mouth before she could stop them. "You said you wanted to talk to me about it first, but you also said you talked to your parents, the guidance counselor, and my brother about it before you said anything to me…so I'm not first. I'm fifth on your list." She turned away from him. She felt horrible for allowing the bitterness to come through, but she couldn't help it. An hour ago, she thought her future was set. It was bright and sunny and full of possibilities, but now, it all seemed so dark.

"Riley, that's not what I meant. I had planned on turning them down, but my parents wanted me to at least consider the benefits in going." He knew he shouldn't have told her. He knew he should have declined the offer and never mentioned it to her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, there are a lot of them." She bit the inside of her cheek as an uncomfortable silence fell over them. She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay. She needed him to stay. How was she going to get through this without him around? How was she going to survive her senior year of high school without him? "You should go," she finally said.

Lucas blinked several times. He thought for sure that she would be upset and beg him not to do it. One word and he would stay, and never look back, but had she really just told him to go? "What?"

She swallowed as she turned her head to look at him. "To A&M...to Texas…you should go." The last thing in the world she wanted was for him to go, but as she looked into his beautiful emerald eyes, she knew she had to let him go. He had a dream, and in order for him to fulfill it, he needed to be in Texas. Sometimes love meant sacrifice, and if that meant that he could be happy, then she was willing to do whatever it took in order for all of his dreams to come true.

"Riley, I don't want to do this if you're…"

"If I'm what?" She bit her bottom lip as she forced herself to bite back the tears that burned in the back of her eyes. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to make him feel back for wanting to go to his dream school. "I'm fine, Lucas. I get it. Things change. Plans change." She paused. "I'm really happy for you. I know that was your dream school, and you got a scholarship too." She smiled. "I'm proud of you." And she was. She was so proud of him, but that didn't mean that she didn't feel incredibly depressed at the thought of the next four years without him.

"You are?"

"Absolutely," she leaned over to hug him. He had supported her all year, through everything. The least she could do was to support him now. "Don't worry about me. I'll still be here, stumbling over basic ballet moves. You know…it's probably for the best that you won't be there to witness it."

"I am going to witness it," he vowed. "You're going to come back from this, Riley. I'll be there for parents' weekend, and for your recital, and whatever else comes up. I will be there." He pulled back from her in order to cup her cheek with his hand. He never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loved her in that moment. She had handed him the keys to everything he had ever dreamt about. He was determined to make their sacrifice worth it.

She took a shaky breath as a vision of a thousand lonely days and nights invaded her mind. "I'm gonna miss you."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm gonna miss you too…so much."

* * *

"I can't believe Josh didn't tell me," Maya sighed as she and Riley walked through the Museum of Modern Art. The blonde turned to her best friend. "How are you doing? Really?"

"Really?" Riley crossed her arms over her chest. It was a question she had asked herself about a thousand times since Lucas dropped the news on her. She wasn't sure how she felt. She was happy for him, and she was proud of him, but she couldn't help but to feel disappointed. "I'm not mad," she slowly answered as she tried to figure out how to verbalize the civil war that raged within her. "Really. I'm not. He has every right to go to whatever school he wants to go to, and I'm so proud of him for taking that step toward making his dreams come true."

"But?"

"What if…what if the distance, the time apart, our schedules…what if it tears us apart?"

Maya didn't miss a beat when she answered with, "That won't happen."

Riley frowned at Maya's confidence. How was it possible that her best friend was so certain when she had no clue what was going to happen in the next few months. "This isn't something that can have a simple fix, Maya. What if he goes off to A&M, meets some new people, sees his friends dating and going out, and realizes that it's not worth it with me?"

"Riley. Come on. We're talking about Lucas Friar. You two have been through a lot already. Do you really think he's going to throw it all away?"

She shrugged. She hoped that he wouldn't, but there were so many things that could happen. He could meet someone else. He could decide that he could do a lot better than a broken ballerina with an eating disorder. "People change, Maya. What if Lucas…changes? What if I change?"

Maya turned to look at a painting on the wall. She loved Riley, but her insecurity drove Maya insane. She really had no clue how amazing she was, and how aware Lucas was of that fact. "That's life, Riley. You can't go into anything scared about what could happen. Look at what you're doing now. You're dancing again. You are staring what happened this year in the face and you're going to beat this. Give it a chance, Riles. Trust him. Trust your relationship."

"I do trust our relationship…but it feels like we just got back together. Our relationship is—"

"No," Maya interrupted as she spun around to face the brunette. "I know what you're going to say, and no. Don't belittle what you two have. You and I both know that what you and Lucas have is more than just a high school relationship. You two have a real connection. Have you said anything to him about this?"

She shook her head. "I can't. If I do, and if he stays because of it…I'll never forgive myself…and I think that one day, he'll resent me for it. Besides, I don't want him to stay. I want him to do this." She looked around the room. Did she want him to leave? No, but she wanted him to have the same chance she had to make her dreams come true. He wanted to play college football. He wanted to become a vet. A&M had both, and it was closer to home for him. She wasn't about to take that away.

Maya noticed how drained Riley seemed. She didn't have to ask her in order to know that Riley must have stayed up all night thinking about the next four years. She wished that she could make things easier for Riley, but she had no idea how. "Are you ok?"

"I'm really tired," she confessed. "My leg is…tired." It was true. Walking around the museum for nearly three hours completely exhausted her, but her mind was completely drained as well. She hadn't thought of anything else since he told her the news. Lucas was leaving in a few months, and as strong as she knew they were, she was scared. She was scared of what tomorrow would bring.

Maya hated seeing Riley like this. Hadn't she been through enough? She had barely gotten that stupid cast off her leg and now she was dealing with the fact that her boyfriend was going to college two thousand miles away. Maya knew that the best thing she could do for Riley was to be the best friend she could be. "Well, I'm ready to go. Let's go back to your place, kick up our feet, binge watch 'Red Planet Diaries', and forget all about boys and college."

That sounded like heaven to Riley. She wasn't sure if she would be able to, but she wasn't about to turn down a night in with her best friend. "Sounds perfect."

* * *

As soon as Riley opened the door to the apartment, she was taken aback by the sight before her. A banner hung in the kitchen that read: "Riley and Maya, will you go to the prom with us?" Underneath the banner stood her boyfriend and her brother, both of who grinned from ear to ear as the girls walked into the living room. "What is this?"

Lucas looked up at the banner before he looked at his girlfriend. He knew that their conversation the previous evening had put a damper on everything, but he was determined to make it up to her every chance he got. She gave him her blessing to pursue his dream. He wanted the chance to repay her in any way he could. "Prom is coming up, and we were hoping that you ladies would go with us."

Maya raised her eyebrows as she walked toward her boyfriend. "Joshua Matthews. This is probably the sweetest thing you've ever done."

He shrugged. "What can I say? I think Lucas is rubbing off on me." He turned to grab a small wrapped package on the counter. "I got this for you."

Maya took the package from his hands. She quickly opened it. "Oh my God," she smiled as she pulled out the silver bangle. She spun it around and noticed that one side of it had an amethyst and the other side had a garnet stone. "This is beautiful."

"It's our birthstones," he clarified as he helped her put it on her wrist. "Do you like it?"

Maya looked up at her boyfriend as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love it."

"I got you something, too," Lucas told his girlfriend as he approached her, a similar sized box in his hands.

"Lucas, you really didn't have to."

"I know. But, I wanted to." Josh and he had planned to ask them weeks ago, but after the previous evening, he was even more sure of the gift he bought her. He handed her the box.

Riley slowly opened it. She paused for a second before she pulled out the gold necklace. "It's a phoenix," she stated as she stared at the pendant in her hand.

Maya turned to the couple. "You got her a bird necklace, cowboy?"

"It's the meaning behind it," Lucas clarified. "Phoenixes were a mythological firebird. They burned themselves in flames, after which they rose from the ashes and were born again." He paused. "I saw it and it reminded me of you. You're a phoenix, Riley. You've come so far. After everything that's happened this year, you've risen out of the ashes, and I know you're only going to grow stronger."

A smile slowly formed at the corners of her mouth. He believed in her. He knew that she would see the other side of this and that she was going to be stronger than before. And to her, that meant the world.

Yes, she was going to miss him, and yes, she knew that they would face some challenges along the way, but as long as they believed in one another, and in their relationship, she knew that they would get through this—like a phoenix rising out of the ashes.


	5. Chapter Four

_**A/N: Thank you all for the feedback on the prior chapters. I'm hoping to be able to update this a little more frequently over the next few weeks. The song used is "Sleeping Alone" by Lykke Li and it's such a beautiful song. After one listen, I knew I had to use it.**_

* * *

Chapter Four

Riley had spent the last few weeks trying to get rid of the burning feeling in the back of her mind that something bad was going to happen when Lucas left for college. She tried to convince herself that it was only because she knew that she would miss him, and maybe that's all it was, but the pit in her stomach only continued to grow.

It wasn't that she didn't want him to go chase his dreams. She wanted that more than anything, but every time she thought about being away from him, that sense of dread filled her once more, and she felt completely uncomfortable in her own skin.

She hadn't voiced her concerns to her boyfriend. She knew that if she did, she might feel better about it, but at the same time, she wasn't willing to risk his happiness.

By the time prom came around, she found herself avoiding him out of fear that he would see right through the fake smiles and hollow words of encouragement. She knew she was beginning to push him away, but if it were for his own good, then wouldn't it be worth it?

Maya and Josh agreed to go to prom with Riley and Lucas, at Riley's insistence. She knew that if their friends surrounded them, then perhaps he wouldn't notice her change in behavior.

They must have been in the ballroom for an hour, seated in complete silence as they watched their classmates laugh and dance the night away. Lucas spent most of that time watching Riley. He knew that she had been avoiding him for the last few weeks. How could he not pick up on it? Sure, it started off innocently enough. She had physical therapy appointments, she had to be at the studio, she had to study with Maya—but when Lucas realized that he hadn't been alone with his girlfriend since the night he told her about A&M, he knew something was on her mind and that it could only be about one thing.

He didn't want to leave like that, without being able to talk to her about the exact reason why she was avoiding him. He didn't want to go to Texas and have everything in New York fall apart. He needed her to understand that while he wouldn't physically be around, he would still be there for her in every way he could. "Would you like to dance with me," he suddenly asked her.

Riley turned her head to look at him. She briefly considered declining. She could easily use her leg as an excuse, but when her eyes locked onto his, she knew that if she lied, if she didn't push her fears down for a few minutes in order to enjoy this moment with him, that she would regret it. "Yes," she smiled softly.

Her agreement surprised Lucas, but he wasn't about to give her any time to change her mind. He stood up and offered his hand to her as a slow song began to play in the background.

 _How can I get used to  
How can I forget you  
Will I get used to  
Sleeping alone_

Riley took a deep breath as they made their way to the dance floor. In a few months, he would leave, and all sense of time would change for her. She would be wishing the weeks and months away, counting down the days until Christmas break, until summer break, until she could see him again. It was a very strange feeling. He was standing right in front of her, but as they found a vacant spot on the dance floor, she realized that she already missed him more than she ever thought she could.

As Lucas wrapped his arms around her waist, he pulled Riley closer. He needed this moment with her: this one perfect high school memory with the girl he loved in his arms. He knew that they were about to face another test of their relationship, but as she draped her arms around his neck, he also knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that they could make it through anything.

But did she?

"You look beautiful," he said softly as they swayed to the music.

Riley closed her eyes as she felt a sudden rush of tears spring up in her eyes. She swallowed harshly as she tried to force them away. She wasn't going to cry at prom. She refused to. It was supposed to be a fun night, a beautiful night to remember, and she knew she was ruining it for him. Sobbing on the dance floor definitely wouldn't help the situation. "T-Thank you," she answered hoarsely as she opened her eyes once more.

He heard the tremor in her voice despite the volume of the music that filled the room. He could feel her tremble slightly as he pulled her even closer to him. "We need to talk."

Riley nodded as she watched the other couples twirl around her. She had been avoiding this conversation since the moment he told her about A&M. They couldn't have this conversation at prom.

 _I never used to  
How did I get to  
Ever get used to  
Sleeping alone_

"Do we need to do it right here," she asked as she pulled back to look up at him. She immediately noticed that his eyebrows were furrowed together in deep concentration as he stared at the ground in front of him.

He slowly lifted his gaze to look at Riley. She looked so beautiful. It nearly broke his heart when he noticed the tears that had pooled in her eyes. She was two seconds away from crying, and he was responsible for it. He didn't want to have a conversation about their future while at his senior prom, but he wasn't sure when, or even if, he'd get another chance. "You've been avoiding me for the last few weeks. At the rate you're going, I'm not sure I'll see you before I leave."

"Don't." She shook her head as she watched his own insecurities flash across his face. Her fear was contagious. This was exactly why she had been avoiding him. She didn't want her concerns to ruin his happiness. He deserved to be happy, to be proud of his accomplishments. He deserved so much more than what she had been giving him. "Please don't say that."

"Riley, you have tears in your eyes." His chest constricted as she looked away from him. She was hiding from him again. Had he not proven himself to her over the last year that she could trust him? That he wanted to know everything she was thinking, good and bad? "Please talk to me."

Riley watched Josh spin Maya around on the dance floor. She envied them. He was going to be in the city next year. He was going to be near her. As Riley watched Maya giggle at something her brother said, she knew that one day, she would be watching them dance like that again—only the next time, she knew that Maya would be wearing a white wedding dress. Riley was certain of it. They were always meant to be.

As her eyes wandered back to her boyfriend, she realized that while she loved Lucas, she wasn't as certain of their fate. She knew what she was hoping for, but the part of her that refused to accept the fact that she could be happy-the insecure little girl that she thought had been laid to rest-sprang to life the night she found out about Lucas's acceptance to A&M. Now, she had a new demon to fight. Would she be victorious? Would they survive the war on her happiness she was sure her inner demons would wage? She didn't know, but as she swayed in her boyfriend's arms, she knew that she didn't have to have all of those answers now. She wanted one perfect moment with him. Her insecurities could wait a few more hours. "Later. I promise." She closed the space between them as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Can we just…be here right now? You and me. And one beautiful memory."

He felt something shift between them, but he had no idea what it was.

 _Tomorrow is a long time  
Forgetting so long  
I loved you a lifetime  
I loved you long_

* * *

They didn't go to the after party. Riley was tired and she and Lucas were never really planning on going anyway. Lucas's parents had gone out of town, and Josh had somehow convinced her parents that Riley was going to spend the night with Maya and Josh was going to spend the night with Lucas when in reality, all four would stay at Lucas's place. Maya and Josh had decided to go to the after party, which left Lucas and Riley alone to talk.

They said nothing as Lucas left Riley in the guest room to change her clothes. He loosened his tie as he wandered into the kitchen to grab a few snacks and drinks. He had previously set up the living room for them to stay up all night and watch movies. He wasn't sure if that was even going to happen now as he sat the tray of food on the coffee table.

She was distant, and he couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed between them on that dance floor. Was the fear of change simply playing tricks on him or had some sort of seed of doubt been unwillingly planted between them? He wasn't sure about that, but he was sure of the fact that his future was with Riley.

He knew he loved her before the accident, but after he almost lost her, he was certain that she was the only one for him. He would do whatever he needed to in order to prove his love for her. If she wanted him to stay, all she had to do was ask. No dream was worth having unless she was there to experience it with him. She was his present. She was his future.

"That looks great," Riley commented from the doorway.

Lucas looked up. Her hair was still pinned back, but now she wore a pair of shorts, a tank top, and a zip up hoodie instead of the burgundy gown she wore to the prom. "You look great," he smiled.

"I look comfortable," she corrected as she slowly moved into the living room. "You know, if you want to go to the after party, you can. I understand."

"You know I'm not a fan of big parties."

She looked at his outfit. "You're not going to change."

"Maybe in a little bit." He gestured for her to sit down on the couch. "I know we've been avoiding this for awhile now, but," he slowly sat down next to her, "What's going on, Riley?"

"You're diving right in, aren't you," she chuckled nervously.

"It's been driving me crazy," he admitted. "Knowing that something is wrong. Knowing that for whatever reason, you won't talk to me about it." How was he supposed to leave when they were already having a difficult time communicating with one another?

 _Someday, somehow  
Somewhere down the line  
If you save your heart for mine  
We'll meet again, we'll meet again_

She didn't want to ruin his prom, or his graduation, or his life for that matter. She thought she could work through it on her own, but it was all becoming more and more real as the seconds ticked by. He. Was. Leaving. She had come back from the dead while they were broken up, but she always knew that if she needed him, he would be there. She wasn't going to have that anymore. One of the people she had leaned on the most during her recovery was going to be two thousand miles away. She didn't want to feel weak. She didn't want to feel dependent on him, but at that moment, as she stared into his eyes, she knew that he had more power over her than she ever thought. "I'm scared," she confessed as she suddenly looked down at her hands.

He frowned. "Of what? Of me?"

Of him? Never. No, she was scared of what was going to happen. Scared of taking a breath in a city he no longer lived in. Scared to fully realize just how much she relied on him. Riley Matthews: the girl who was a pillar of strength before she met Lucas Friar.

No.

That was a lie.

She was never strong. She tricked herself into believing that she was a long time ago. If she were strong, she wouldn't have lost control last year. If she were strong, she wouldn't have crumbled at the first hard bend in the road that life decided to throw at her. No. She had always been weak, but whenever he looked at her, she felt like she could be strong one day. When she needed that reassurance, he was the one who gave it to her—without even knowing it. What was going to happen when he left? What will remain of her, of them? "Of losing you."

"Because I'm going to Texas?"

That wasn't it. Sure, it was the catalyst for her melancholy, but it felt like so much more. It felt like the end of the world she had known. They were about to step into an entirely different world, one in which Riley was certain wouldn't be nearly as beautiful as the last few months had been. "It's not just that. It's…It's everything." She took a deep breath. She had to try to explain it the best way she knew how. "You're leaving. You're going to be on the football team, and college…college is a lot different than high school. There are going to be parties and alcohol and…other girls…"

He reached for her hand. "But there isn't going to be another Riley Matthews there." He used his other hand to lightly tilt her chin up so she would look at him. "I knew something was going on. You've been distant since I told you. Is that why? You think that me leaving New York means that I'm leaving you too?"

"Isn't it the same thing? You won't be here. You'll be there…and…I can't hold you back, Lucas. I don't want to hold you back. I want you to enjoy everything that college has to offer. I want you to go out there and show everyone what I already know…h-how amazing you really are." He was going on to bigger and better things while she was standing still, lost in the ruins of a world she used shine in. The doctors still weren't certain if Riley would be able to get her full strength back in her leg, and truth be told, those little practices exhausted her. She couldn't help but to feel like he deserved more than she could give him.

"You aren't holding me back, Riley. And I plan on enjoying college. I also plan on being with you." He lightly squeezed her hand. "I'm not sure you know how much I love you. I've never considered the idea of us not being together when I go to school."

"But what about—"

"What about what? Other girls? Football? I know that I'm going to be busy with football, but I also plan on talking to you every chance I can get." He slid a little closer to her. "I plan on being here for parents' weekend and every break I have. And…I'm hoping that you'll come down to a game. I probably won't be playing, but I want you to see everything, Riley. I want you to know that being with you isn't preventing me from experiencing anything. I am head over heels in love with you…and I know that feelings like this don't come along everyday. I'm not about to throw it away or compromise it for anything. I can't imagine my world without you in it."

 _Will I get used to  
Can I forget you  
Don't want to get used to  
Dancing alone_

"I love you," she answered. He came into her life when she wasn't expecting him, but the thought of something happening to him, to them, was driving her to the edge of insanity. It was scary. Being in love-giving your heart to someone-was the scariest feeling in the world. "I love you more than anything, Lucas…and I'm not going to hold you back."

"You aren't," he insisted. God, she was instrumental in turning his entire outlook on life around. Before her, he just felt like everyone in his world saw him as an angry, privileged jock. Not her. She always saw him for who he wanted to be. She was his biggest inspiration. How could she not know that? "I never expected to find someone like you when I moved to New York, but now that I have, there is nothing I won't do in order to keep you. You are my priority, Riley. You are everything to me." He paused. "Maybe I should stay here?" It wasn't worth this. It wasn't worth potentially losing her.

"No," she shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "This is why I've been avoiding you, Lucas. You have to go. You have to. This is your dream, and I'm not going to be able to live with myself if you stay and go to NYU. I know that if you stay, that one day, you'll begin to resent me for it, and that'll be the end of us." She wiped her eyes. She couldn't be any prouder of him, and she knew she couldn't possibly love him any more than she did at that moment. He didn't give it a second thought when he suggested that he give up his dreams in order to stay in the city with her, and it was when he said that, that she realized that as hard as it was going to be, she wanted him to go. She wanted him to do everything he wanted to do in this life. "God…I want you to have everything you've ever wanted. Go to Texas, Lucas. Make me proud."

He lightly rubbed her cheek. "We're going to be fine, Riles. I know it. I can feel it."

"You can?"

He nodded as he wiped the tears from her eyes. "Do you want to know how I know that?"

"H-How?"

"Because we've already been through a lot worse. Two thousand miles doesn't stand a chance." Was it going to be easy? No. Was it going to be worth it? Absolutely.

 _Love was my shoreline  
I stare myself blind  
Now was not our time  
No I let you down_

Riley leaned into him as she kissed him. She was still scared of what the future might hold for them, but she knew that she wouldn't ever love anyone the way she loved him. He had the capability to break her heart with a flick of his wrist, but she knew that he wouldn't—because he loved her just as much.

As their lips moved against each other, she knew they had to at least try to fight through the distance. He was worth it. They were worth it.

Lucas was the first to pull away. He wanted to show her just how much he loved her. He wanted to prove to her that he would only ever be hers, but he wasn't about to push her into something they hadn't discussed yet. No. He would be content just to wrap his arms around her and hold her for however long she would allow him to. "How am I going to get through the next four years without seeing you every day?"

A new thought began to take shape in Riley's mind. She wanted to make this night memorable for him, for both of them, and as he held her hand, she knew that she was ready for the next step in their relationship. "Maybe we can make the most out of the time we have now?" She bit her bottom lip. "Lucas?"

He noticed the sudden hesitancy in her voice and his heart dropped. What was running through her mind? Had he not convinced her yet? Had he not done enough to prove how much she meant to him? "Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too." He tilted his head to the side. He couldn't quite read her. Was she still upset? Was she happy? Were they back on track? Or, was she about to tell him good night and go to bed? He had no idea what she was about to say.

Her eyes searched his for a long moment. She was nervous again, but for a completely different reason. He may have entered her life at the worst possible time, but now she couldn't imagine her life without him. This was love. Real, genuine, honest love. "Show me."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Show me, Lucas." Her eyes never left his as she unzipped her hoodie. She had never been this bold with anyone before, but she knew what she wanted. She wanted him. She wanted him to show her how much he loved her, but even more than that, she wanted to show him how much she loved him. Her heart was racing, but her hands remained steady as she slid the jacket off of her shoulders.

Lucas swallowed as he watched her take her jacket off. He thought he was prepared for anything she was going to say, but he wasn't prepared for that. "Riley, are you sure?"

She nodded confidently. With every passing second, she became more certain of it. "I want to be with you. I want to remember this night, this feeling, for the rest of my life."

"This isn't because you think you're going to lose me, is it?" Before anything progressed further, he needed to make sure that she was certain about it-about them.

She shook her head. "It's because after everything we've been through, I look at you…and I see you looking back at me, and I see…love there. I see real, genuine, pure love." She smiled at him. "I love the way you look at me, Lucas. I never feel more beautiful…more complete…more myself…than when you look at me. I love you…and I want to…I need to…get closer to you."

 _Someday, somehow  
Somewhere down the line  
If you save your heart for mine  
We'll meet again_

He said nothing as he stood up. He silently walked over to the stereo. After a moment, a slow song began to play softly in the background. He walked back toward her, and much like earlier in the night, he offered his hand to help her stand up. "Dance with me."

She reached for his hand as he helped her up. He gently moved her hand to the back of his neck before he reached for her other hand and repeated the gesture. He placed his hands on her hips as they began to sway to the beat of the song. After a few seconds, he slowly lowered his forehead to rest against hers as he closed his eyes. He wanted to commit this moment to his memory. Their dance at prom was nice, but this moment with her felt so much more unforgettable.

He pulled back slightly before he finally lowered his lips to hers. He wanted to stop time and memorize every fiber that surrounded them. This was the type of moment that poets wrote about, that writers tried to articulate, that romantics always dreamt about.

They slowly stopped swaying to the beat of the music as they wrapped their arms tightly around one another. Their hearts began to race as they silently, willingly, dropped their guards and forgot about their fears. They simply breathed in one another as their hearts guided their next movements.

And in that crystal clear perfect moment, their souls met.

 _Some last, some die  
Some love wait till its time  
If you save your heart for mine  
We'll meet again, we'll meet again,  
We'll meet again, we'll meet again_


	6. Chapter Five

_**A/N: Thank you for the feedback. I apologize for the slight wait on this, and the fact that it's kind of a filler chapter.**_

* * *

Chapter Five

Four months later…

Riley closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. She could do this. She had been preparing for it for the last few weeks. It was just another step, another hurdle to cross. _'You can do it,'_ his voice filled her mind. He was always there for her, even when he wasn't physically there. She could feel his support, his encouragement, and that meant everything. She opened her eyes as she started to run across the stage. She leapt up just as Charlie gripped her hips while he raised her over his head.

"Perfect," Charlie said as he slowly sat her down. "That was perfect, Riley. How did it feel?"

"Weird," she answered as she took a few steps back from him. She was a little out of breath. The simple sensation of executing a lift after almost a year made her feel a little dizzy. They had slowly worked on doing small ones over the last few weeks, but this was the first full one they attempted.

"Well, it's been nine months since we've done one, so I'm sure it felt weird for you. It felt weird for me, and I haven't had to come back from a broken leg."

She nodded. He made a good point. Just like with everything else, she was teaching herself how to do everything again. Every first she came across felt incredibly uncomfortable at the beginning. The more she practiced, the more she regained that sense of comfort. "I'm getting there." She spun around to look at herself in the mirror. "My leg is a lot stronger than it was a few months ago." She knew she was assuring herself more so than Charlie. His encouragement hadn't wavered in the months they worked together. It didn't surprise her though. He had always been supportive—no matter how crazy her choreography got or how frustrated she got with herself when her body wouldn't move the way she commanded it to. He really was the best dance partner she could have asked for. She knew she owed a lot of her recovery to his patience and willingness to help her.

"You are getting a lot stronger," he assured her. "Have you thought about what type of routine you want to do for parents' weekend?"

"A little bit," she admitted. She paused. That was a lie. She had been thinking about it a lot over the last month. Initially, she was only planning to attempt one piece, but she wanted to do more. It was something she hadn't told anyone yet. "I want to try a pointe number."

Charlie thought about it for a moment. "Are you sure you're ready for a full number on your toes like that?" He knew that she could do anything she set her mind to, but he also knew that she shouldn't push herself too hard. He knew that she would keep pushing until she was back at 100%, but he also knew that one false move could set her back months.

She nodded. "I want to do a pointe number, a lyrical, and a hip hop." There. It was out there. Now, she waited for him to tell her that she was crazy and that it was way too much to piece together in a few weeks.

"Three?"

She nodded again as her confidence grew. She could do three. The pointe number would certainly be the most challenging, but she was practicing for a few hours four days a week now. She knew she could handle three small numbers in one evening. "I can do it. God, I used to be in eight or nine." She walked toward her bag at the front of the room.

He wasn't opposed to the idea, but he wanted her to realize that she didn't have to dive in quite as strongly as she seemed to be. "That was before the accident, though."

She didn't look at him as she searched her bag for her cell phone. "I'm not where I was before the accident yet, but I'm getting there, Charlie."

"I know you are." He watched her pull her phone out and stare at the screen for a moment before she slid the phone back in her bag. "Expecting someone?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Lucas said he'd call around 6, but…I don't have any missed calls." She shrugged. "It's fine. He's been pretty busy lately."

Charlie reached for his bag. "How is the football star?"

"Getting used to his schedule." She sat down as she began to take her pointe shoes off. "It's weird. I knew we wouldn't be able to talk all the time, but I don't really hear from him that much…maybe four times a week?"

Charlie sat down next to her as he changed his shoes. "Is that bad?"

She paused as she slid on a pair of flip-flops. She wouldn't call it bad, but it wasn't exactly what she thought things would be like when he left. "It's…different. I always thought we would talk everyday…or at night…" she stood up. "But…this is new territory for both of us."

"Have you told him how well you're doing?"

She shrugged. She barely mentioned dance when they talked. Quite often, they were only on the phone for a few moments, and she wanted to hear about everything he was doing—with his classes and with the team. By the time he would catch her up, one of them would have to go. "He seems so stressed about class and football. And besides, I want to surprise him next month." She paused. "Charlie, I've been thinking."

Charlie stood up before he threw his gym bag over his shoulder. "About what?"

"You know, I've been able to come back pretty quickly. I've been…well…I've been thinking about Juilliard again." She slid her bag over her shoulder. She hadn't told anyone that little secret. She knew that they would all think that she was pushing herself too hard, but she didn't think so. She knew her recovery had been quick, but wasn't that a good thing? She felt fine. She felt like she could handle it.

"About trying out?"

She nodded. "Is that ridiculous?"

"No," he began as they exited the studio. "I think if you keep progressing like you have been, you'll be ready for spring tryouts. You're already here four days a week now."

"Yeah. I'm not sure I can go back to seven…at least not right now. Mom is already giving me push back for upping it to four days."

"And she should. Don't overdue it, Riles."

"I know. I just can't stop thinking about Juilliard, you know? That's been my dream for as long as I can remember." A dream she thought had died months ago. She wasn't ready for tryouts yet, but perhaps she would be in six months.

"You know I'll help you. Whatever you need."

"I know." She smiled. "Thank you, Charlie."

"Well, 6:30. See you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely. I know we agreed on 4, but I'll probably come here right after school…get a long warm up in."

"Sounds good. I'll be here around 3:30?"

"Perfect."

* * *

As she walked home, she reached for her cell phone once more. Still no call from Lucas. She quickly dialed his number. They hadn't been able to talk nearly as much as she had expected, but he always called her when he said her would—even if it was just to tell her that he would call later. It was weird not to hear anything from him. When she heard his voicemail greeting, she sighed. "Hey Lucas, i-it's Riley. Um, it's almost 8:00, and you said that you'd call around 6:00 my time…so I just wanted to make sure you were ok." She paused. She didn't want to give him the news about Juilliard in a voicemail. No, she wanted to hear his reaction, see it if they could ever coordinate their schedules long enough to facetime. "So…call me back. I love you. Bye." She hung up as she reached her apartment.

Three months. She had survived almost three months without him being in the city. She was almost through a month of her senior year, and it was time to make some decisions about her future. She had no clue what she wanted to do. She had spent the better part of the year assuming that Juilliard was completely off the table, as was any type of future with dance, but with every passing day, she felt stronger and stronger. Was she still going to give up on that dream or was she going to go after it with her whole heart?

She wasn't sure, even after her confession to Charlie. She planned on applying to NYU, Columbia, Brown, and even Texas A & M. She wasn't really sure why she was considering A & M besides the fact that Lucas was there. She was so lost in trying to figure out what she wanted that she figured maybe she could find it in Texas with him. At least then part of her would be happy.

At the same time, she knew she would miss her family and friends. Was she ready to move that far away from the only world she had ever known? And to do it with the knowledge that she was primarily doing it because that's where her boyfriend was? Sometimes, she really doubted who she was. A year ago, she refused to let anyone interfere with what she wanted, but now, she had no idea what she wanted in the first place.

Maybe the distance between her and Lucas would turn out to be a good thing? She spent the last several months completely swept up in him and in their relationship. Maybe now she would have more time to focus on herself and figure out what her next step was going to be. He had been gone for three months, and while her time in the studio had increased, when she wasn't there, she found herself waiting for a phone call, a text, any form of communication from him.

Maybe instead of waiting by the phone, she should spend more time rediscovering herself? She wasn't the same person she was before the accident. Who was she now? Did some part of her old self remain or was she like the phoenix—completely risen out of the ashes into something new? She reached for the pendant wrapped around her neck. She hadn't taken the necklace off since prom.

Prom. That perfect night with him. Josh and Maya didn't come back to Lucas's parents' place until 6:00am, which afforded Lucas and her several hours of alone time. Her concerns about their relationship had all but vanished as they spent those hours completely absorbed in one another.

As Riley climbed the stairs to the apartment, she noted that it was only a few months ago that she would have had trouble climbing those stairs alone. Now she bounded them without a second thought.

She was no longer going to physical therapy. Dance had become her physical therapy. She no longer had a slight limp and the only sign of the accident that remained was the scar on her knee from her surgery. She only felt tired after a few hours of practice with Charlie, and even then, she was never sore the next day. It's truly amazing what can happen in a year. The doctors thought it would be a miracle if she would ever be able to walk without some sort of assistance, and here she was nine months later, running up stairs after two hours of ballet.

She smiled as she opened the door. "I'm home," she called out as she closed the door behind her.

"Stayed a little late, didn't you," Josh asked as he closed the refrigerator door.

Riley frowned. "What are you doing here? I thought you moved out, but I see you here more than when you actually lived here."

He looked at the sandwich in his hand. "Free food."

"And," a familiar voice chimed in.

"And, I knew my beautiful girlfriend was going to be here tonight," he smiled as he put an arm around Maya.

Riley chuckled. "Sounds good enough to me." She sat her bag down on the couch. "What's for dinner?"

"Mom's at the office and dad's grading papers. Every man for himself, I guess."

"Fun." Riley opened the refrigerator. "I think I'm going to make a smoothie."

"You sure that's enough," Maya asked.

Riley sighed. "Yes, Maya. It's going to be full of ooey gooey nutrients and perfectly healthy for me." She had been fielding comments like that ever since her family found out about her eating disorder. She knew everyone was concerned, but she had moved past all of that. She was different now, stronger. She pulled out a few items from the fridge. "So what have you guys been doing?" She paused. "Wait…before you answer, let me ask…do I want to know what you've been doing?"

Maya and Josh grinned.

"Ew," Riley cringed.

Maya laughed. "We're kidding. I got here about an hour ago, and we've been catching up. I haven't seen him in awhile."

"Yeah. A whole two days. Must be tough." Riley's words dripped with sarcasm, but she couldn't help it. The words rushed from her before she could take them back. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

"No, it's ok," Maya assured her. "I know that…comparatively…two days is nothing." She watched Riley tense up as she began to put some vegetables in the blender. "Have you talked to him today?"

Riley shook her head as she turned around to put the remaining vegetables back in the refrigerator.

"I know he had a huge test today," Josh offered. "And practice this afternoon. I'm sure he'll call when he gets a moment."

"I know," she answered before she turned the blender on.

As Riley's back was turned to Josh and Maya, the couple exchanged knowing looks with one another. She wasn't going to voice her concerns to them, but they knew Riley well enough to know that she missed Lucas a lot more than she was letting on.

As soon as Riley turned the blender off, she heard her phone softly ring. "Where's my phone," she nearly shrieked as she sprinted toward her bag. She unzipped every pocket as she riffled through her clothes in order to retrieve the device. "Please don't hang up," she muttered as she searched through her clothes. "Please, please, please." Her fingers finally wrapped around the phone as she pulled it out. She quickly swiped her finger across the front to answer the call. "Hey," she breathlessly greeted.

"Hi."

She smiled when she heard his voice. God, she missed him. "Hey," she automatically replied.

"They are so sickening," Maya smiled as they watched Riley retreat to her room.

"Even when they're two thousand miles away from one another," Josh added before he took a bite of his sandwich.


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

"Oh, Ashley…you can do so much better than Blarg," Riley groaned as she and Maya finished watching an episode of 'Red Planet Diaries'. "This show is unbelievable."

"Yeah, but didn't you kind of figure that out when Ashley the Astronaut engaged in a love triangle with Blarg and Blarg's other head…and honestly expected the other one not to find out about it?"

Riley thought about it for a moment. "Yeah…but then Blarg's other head started dating Joanne, so I thought it was all settled, but now Blarg likes Joanne too!" She reached for her phone on the coffee table. No missed calls or texts.

Maya watched Riley's shoulders sink as she looked at her phone. "Nothing today?"

"Nothing for three days," she sighed as she sat her phone down. "Am I crazy to think that we should be able to at least text each other every day…or at least every other day? I don't need a long paragraph…maybe just a quick 'I miss you' or 'I love you' or even a simple 'hey'."

"You're not crazy." She reached for a handful of popcorn. Maya couldn't imagine what was going through her best friend's mind. She knew that Lucas was more than a little busy, but Riley had a point. It only takes a few seconds to send a text and let someone know that you're still around. Maya had tried to stay positive, and even defended Lucas's actions, but the more Riley checked her phone, the more upset she saw her best friend, the more irritated Maya became.

Riley sat her phone back down on the coffee table. "Ever since the starting quarterback got a concussion, I haven't talked to Lucas on the phone at all, and we've only texted maybe three times in the last two weeks." She knew he was busy. She knew that the weight of the team had fallen to him while the starting quarterback was injured, but did that mean that he needed to completely shove her out? She tried calling, tried texting, but he had practically vanished.

Maya wanted nothing more than to put the Texan in his place, but that was the problem. No one seemed to be able to get in contact with him. She also knew Riley didn't need that negativity, so she opted to continue to support her, to try to justify his lack of communication in order to prevent Riley from worrying about it. "Well, I'm sure he's doing all of these extra practices to get him prepared to play. At least we were able to watch him on tv last week. That was pretty cool, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She leaned back against the couch. Her entire family watched the game, even her grandparents. Everyone seemed so proud of him. She was too, but seeing him play, even sitting on the sidelines when the defense was on the field, only made her miss him more. "I just wish I could talk to him, you know?"

"I know." This was what had concerned Maya ever since she found out about Lucas's plan to go to school in Texas. She never had to deal with a long distance relationship, but she had heard enough to know that they were nearly impossible. She thought if anyone could make it work, it would be Lucas and Riley. They had been through so much already, so she thought distance would be an easy obstacle, but as the weeks rolled on, Maya started to understand why those relationships rarely survived. "But two weeks until fall break and you go see him, right?"

Riley let out a long breath. "I guess so." Truthfully, Lucas's silence over the last few weeks made her second-guess going to Texas to see him. She was so surprised when her parents agreed to let her go a few months earlier. She had been counting down the days ever since, but what if she went and she didn't get to see him? What if she flew two thousand miles and she realized that maybe they were fighting a losing battle?

"What is it?"

Riley bit her bottom lip. She wanted to go. She wanted to see him, but she didn't want to spend hours and hours by herself in a city she had never been to. "Do you think…that maybe you and Josh could come too? I know it's last minute, but I'm basically going to be there by myself. He has classes he can't miss and then practice and the game…and I'll be alone."

"Have you talked to Josh about it?"

"Not yet." She leaned forward as she turned to face Maya. "Please come with me. I don't want to be alone."

Maya was slightly taken aback by the tone in her voice. She seemed almost petrified. "Alone when he's busy or alone when he's around?" When Riley lowered her head, Maya nodded. "It's not just about missing some phone calls, is it?"

She shook her head. "I'm trying," she offered. "Even when we do talk, it's…different. He seems so distracted…which I understand, I do…but it's like we're running out of things to talk about." She ran a hand through her hair. "Sometimes, I don't know what to do."

Maya frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I love him, Maya."

Maya knew exactly what she was saying without having to say it. She loved him. That hadn't changed, but everything else had. "I know you do, Riles." She paused. "And love will go a long way in a relationship, but you need more than that to make it work."

"Yeah." A few months ago, even a few weeks ago, Riley was certain that they would get through all of this and be stronger for it, but she was beginning to think that perhaps, she didn't really know him that well anymore. "I'm starting to feel like maybe…maybe we are drifting apart."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

Riley looked up at her. "When would I have been able to? He seems so stressed out with everything right now…I don't want to add on to it, and besides…maybe it's just a phase, you know? He's just getting started down there and I'm trying to get back to where I was. We both have…a lot going on."

Maya looked at her for a long moment. "Still, I feel like he would want to know if you're having doubts about everything. Maybe then you could talk it out and you'd feel better moving forward?"

Riley's phone began to ring. "It's him," she stated as she reached for the device. "Hi," she said as she stood up.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hi," she repeated. "So, h-how are you?"

"Good. We just got to the hotel in Knoxville."

He sounded tired and stressed. "Are you starting again tomorrow?"

"I am. Not going to lie…I'm a little anxious about it."

"You'll be great," she assured him. "Josh has been bragging to anyone who would listen to him that his best friend is the rookie quarterback at Texas A & M who scored four touchdowns last week at Ole Miss."

Lucas chuckled. "Well, he might want to wait until I finish my second game before he admits that he knows me." He cradled the phone to the other side of his face. "What about you?" He detected a slight edge to her tone. He knew that he had a lot to make up to her, but he also knew that she understood that he had a lot going on right now. He never wanted to let her down, but it felt like that was all he had been doing since he moved.

Riley walked over to the living room bay window. She sat down as she looked outside. "What about me?"

He swallowed. They hadn't talked much over the last few weeks, and when they did, there was an awkwardness between them that he couldn't quite figure out. He thought it was the stress of their daily lives, but as that awkwardness began to grow, he suspected that something else was beginning to take root between them. "Are you…proud…of me?"

"Of course I am," she smiled as she watched people stroll along the sidewalk in front of her apartment building. "You're going to be great tomorrow."

He breathed a small sigh of relief. For some reason, he never felt really assured about anything unless it came from her. Her being proud of him would make this whole thing worth it one day. "Thank you, Riley. That means a lot."

Riley pulled her knees to her chest as she sat back in the bay window. "So, next week you're off, right? Fall break?"

He closed his eyes. One reason he had been a little quieter in their exchanges over the last few weeks was because of another piece of news he was going to have to deliver to her. He didn't want to. He tried to get out of it, but there were a lot of people who depended on him and expected him to excel in his suddenly elevated role on the team. "Yep. It'll be good to be done with classes for a few days."

"And you'll be home, right? For parent's weekend?" There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Riley felt her heart sink further with every passing second of silence. She didn't have to ask. She knew what that pause meant. She hated that she knew what that pause meant. Still, on some twisted level, she needed him to know that she wasn't happy about it. She needed him to know that his presence at her first performance since the accident meant everything to her. He didn't know anything about how her recovery was going and he still had no clue about Juilliard. "You're not coming."

"I'm sorry," he apologized as he leaned forward and pinched the bridge of his nose. He should have told her as soon as he found out, but he had hoped that he would be able to get out of those practices, that he would be able to come to New York and spend some time with her. "The coaching staff added in a few extra practices and workouts during the break. They don't know how long Tate is going to be out. He's in concussion protocol. Could be a few weeks, could be a few months. They want to make sure I stay on top of my game." He paused. He hated it, but he was also under a scholarship. He had to be there. He knew she would be disappointed, but he hoped that she would understand. "I'm so sorry, Riley. I know parent's weekend means a lot to you."

"You promised," she said softly as tears began to fill her eyes. She was already a nervous wreck about dancing in front of an audience again. Knowing he would be out there set her mind at ease, but now that comfort was gone. She was going to have to do this without him.

He rubbed his eyes. God, he hated this. It was an impossible situation for him. "I know I did. And I tried to get out of it…I tried so hard to just get a few days off so I could at least see you, but…there are a lot of people here who are depending on me right now, and I don't want to let them down."

' _But you have no problem letting me down,'_ she thought bitterly. She said nothing as she focused her attention on trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She had never felt the distance between them quite as strongly as she did that moment. She hated this, but what was she going to do?

"But you're still coming in two weeks, right?" He was nervous, scared that she would change her mind and stay in the city. He wouldn't blame her if she did that, but he needed to see her, hold her, to be reassured that all of this frustration would be worth it one day. Maybe it was selfish, but he felt her starting to slip away from him, and he needed to know that it was just the distance playing tricks on him, that it wasn't true.

Riley thought about cancelling the whole trip. She wasn't sure how much she would get to see him anyway, and he had let her down, so why shouldn't she let him down to? Because she missed him. She needed to see him, even if it was only for a minute or two, the trip would be worth it. She was still scared to be alone with him, to have a real face-to-face conversation about the last few months, but her heart knew she had to see him. She had missed him way too much. "I was planning on it." She paused. "Maya and Josh are coming too." Sure, she hadn't gotten an answer from Maya and Josh didn't know about it yet, but if she had no choice in whether or not he was going to see her next weekend, then they had no choice in coming with her to Texas the following weekend.

"Oh? R-Really?" It wasn't that he wouldn't be happy to see Josh and Maya. It was more the fact that he had hoped that he and Riley would be able to have some time alone, to talk, to assure her that despite his absence, he was still completely committed to her and to making their relationship work.

She ignored the surprise in his tone. "Yeah. I mean…I know you're going to have classes, and practices…and I don't want to be stuck inside all day…waiting around, you know?"

He rubbed his forehead. "Yeah…yeah, I see your point. I was just hoping…that we would…maybe be able to spend a little time together."

"Me too," she said distantly, her mind focused on the fact that he wasn't going to be in the city the following week.

"Maybe we can get one evening alone," he suggested. "You, me…a real date." When she didn't immediately answer him, he lowered his voice. "Please say yes," he pleaded. He knew things weren't perfect between them, but he needed to have a chance to try to make up for all of his shortcomings. "I miss you so much, Riley. I know you're mad about me not being there next week. Please let me make it up to you."

The urgency, the desperation in his voice gave her the assurance she had sought for the last few weeks. He did still care. He did want to make this work. Maybe this wasn't their new normal. Maybe this all was some horrible rough patch that they would look back one day and laugh about. A small smile formed on her lips. "How can I resist that?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. He could practically hear her smiling. God, he missed that smile. He promised himself at that moment that he would make her trip to College Station worth it. "Good," he smiled. "I'll even blow off a few classes so I can see you more."

"No," she quickly responded. "Don't do that. I know if you cut class, you risk not playing, and…the team needs you. That's…that's what's important right now."

How did he get so lucky to have such an incredible woman in his life? "You're the best, you know that?"

She rested her head on her knees as she stared outside. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

Riley heard some shuffling on the other end of the phone. "Lucas? Still there?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I need to go. Team meeting."

She slowly untangled herself from the window. "I understand. Well, good luck tomorrow. We'll all be watching."

"Thanks."

She slowly stood up. She didn't want to get off the phone with him. For all she knew, the next time she would be able to speak to him would be when they got to Texas. "I love you."

"I love you too. Bye Riley."

"Goodbye Lucas." She hung up the phone. She stared at it for a long moment before she walked around the back of the couch. She laid her phone down on the coffee table before she sat down next to Maya.

Maya sighed. "He's not coming next week." She had heard Riley's side of the conversation. Though she seemed a little happier toward the end of it, Maya knew that Riley was disappointed by the fact that he wouldn't be there to see her dance.

Riley shook her head.

Maya put an arm around her. "Well, for what's its worth, I'll be there. Josh will be there. Your parents and Auggie will be there."

Riley leaned her head against Maya's shoulder. "Thank you, Maya."


	8. Chapter Seven

_**A/N: The literary quote used in this chapter is from "The Age of Innocence" by Edith Wharton.**_

* * *

Chapter Seven

Riley closed her eyes as she warmed up in the dressing room. Parents' weekend. It used to be the one time a year that she didn't feel the pressure to be perfect. No representatives of any company or fine arts school were allowed to attend. It was strictly used as a rehearsal of sorts so that students and teachers could determine how comfortable the students were in performing their pieces in front of an audience.

But for Riley Matthews, parents' weekend might as well have been the Juilliard audition. It was her first time on stage since the accident. Ten months of recovery and she had three pieces to show for it. Only Charlie had been a witness to her recovery. She wasn't involved in any class work, and she refused to let her parents and Maya see her rehearse. He had become her physical therapist, her co-choreographer, and one of her closest confidants. She knew that whatever progress she had made was largely due to him.

"Riley," Ms. Jones, one of the owners of the studio, called to her as she opened the door to the dressing room.

Riley opened her eyes at the sound of her name. "Hey Ms. Jones." As she turned around to speak with her long time instructor, she noticed a huge bouquet of flowers in the older woman's arms. The large vase was filled with Gerber daisies, roses, and daffodils in a variety of warm hues that reminded Riley of the beautiful autumn leaves that had started to appear in the park. "Those are beautiful."

"They just arrived for you," the older woman smiled as she handed Riley the bouquet.

Riley furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at the beautiful arrangement. Flowers? Delivered for her? She must have misheard her. "For me?"

"Normally, we wait until after everyone has performed, but I was told by the florist that he had strict instructions to deliver these flowers to you before your first number."

"Really?" Riley sat the flowers down on the counter by her bag before she reached for the card.

Though curious about urgency for the flowers to be delivered before Riley's performance, Ms. Jones knew that she shouldn't pry into the young brunette's life. Riley had certainly come a long way in the last year. Everyone at the studio was proud of her, no matter what kind of performance she would turn in this afternoon. "Someone must be really proud of you," she smiled. "But who wouldn't be? We are all proud of you, Riley." She never liked to play favorites, but from the moment Riley Matthews entered her studio over a decade ago, Ms. Jones knew she was special. There was a light inside of her that seemed to hypnotize everyone when she moved. She was destined for great things, no matter what avenue she pursued.

Riley stepped forward to hug her. Ms. Jones had always been an inspiration for her. She was a former Rockette who had travelled the world, but eventually landed back in NYC to open her own studio. "Thank you Ms. Jones. I'm trying to get better."

"You are better," she insisted before she left the dressing room.

Riley turned back to the arrangement. It was truly a perfect arrangement that reminded her of her favorite season. She loved this time of year. She loved the beauty of fall. She looked down at the card in her hand before she opened it.

"' _He simply felt that if he could carry away the vision of the spot of earth she walked on, and the way the sky and sea enclosed it, the rest of the world might seem less empty.' I miss you more than words can say. I wish I could be there today, but know that I'm there in spirit. I love you and I'm counting down the minutes until you're here. Lucas"_

Riley released a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. "Thank you," she breathed as she slid the card back into the envelope.

* * *

He had to focus. He had to concentrate on not being crushed by the 300lb weight he was about to bench press. He wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to be in New York. He was supposed to be at her performance. He was supposed to hold her, show her that despite the distance, despite the insanity of their lives right now, that she was still the best part of it.

But no. He was at the gym in College Station, because he made a commitment to play football, to give up his entire life for a free four-year education. For the last few weeks, everyone around him told him that this was only the beginning for him, that if he continued to push himself that he could go on to the NFL in a few years.

But he wasn't sure that was what he wanted. He had always played sports because he enjoyed them and, for the most part, it kept him out of trouble. He was good at them, he made a lot of friends through it, but then he entered high school and everyone assumed he would continue to excel in whatever sport he wanted to pursue.

He didn't need the scholarship to go to school. His parents could more than afford any school he wanted to go to, but Lucas wanted to do it on his own. He didn't want to rely on them financially any more than necessary, and he wanted to truly value his education. It was why he focused on his academic career in high school as well as football and baseball.

When his family moved, he thought for sure that he wouldn't be able to get an athletic scholarship. Switching schools during senior year was stressful enough. He didn't want to worry about any scouts or recruiters while he adjusted to his new surroundings, so while football and baseball took a backseat, he shifted his focus to academics.

At least, that was the plan. Then he met her. From the moment he saw her dancing in her bedroom, he knew that she would be a major presence in his life. He had dated other girls, had a few relationships, but this was different. When he saw Riley Matthews, something inside of him told him that she was the one. She was the one he thought he wouldn't meet until he went to college or even after college. He wasn't looking for her when his family moved to New York, but when he found her, everything changed.

So, was he with her on one of the most important days of her life? No. He was in the weight room, trying everything he could think of in order to keep his mind off of her.

In trying to do that, he completely forgot that he wasn't the only one in the gym.

"Two games and two wins…pretty great, Friar," Tate Sanders told him as he walked over to the bench. "Trying to make me look bad, man?"

Lucas let out a chuckle as he looked up at the senior. "Just trying to keep your record flawless. Spot me?"

The senior quarterback nodded as he stood over Lucas in order to help him get the weight down.

The two fell silent for a few minutes as Lucas turned his attention to completing the set. After Tate helped him put the weight back up, Lucas sat up as he reached for a towel. "How's the head?"

"Good," he answered. "I might be back in time for the Homecoming game next week."

"That's good news." Lucas was happy for the first string quarterback. He knew it must have been rough to sit on the sidelines for the last few weeks, especially during Tate's senior year, but he couldn't help but to feel disappointed that he wouldn't start the Homecoming game, especially with Riley coming to town. He had hoped that when she saw him play, that maybe she would understand how hard he had been working, that something good had come out of whatever strain that had been placed on their relationship.

"How are things with you? I know it must've sucked having to stay here when you had planned on going back to New York."

"Yeah," he sighed as he walked over to the cables and pulleys machine. "More than that. Today is Riley's first time back on stage since the accident. I promised her for months that I would be there." He adjusted the weight on the machine before he pulled the bars down.

"I'm sure she understands though, right? It's not like you are here not doing anything. You've been in the gym all week." Tate wasn't exactly sure what to say to Lucas. He hadn't been in a relationship in two years, and even then, it wasn't a long-lived or long distance one. He always broke things off because he felt that the drama that went with having a girlfriend wasn't worth it, not when he needed to focus on becoming an NFL quarterback. Lucas seemed to be different. Tate lived and breathed the game while Lucas was constantly distracted. Tate wasn't stupid. He knew it was because he was away from his girlfriend. Several of the guys on the team had long distance girlfriends at the beginning of the season, but as the weeks ticked by, that number had dwindled down to Lucas and one other guy on the team. It was hard being on the team while in a relationship, let alone a long distance one.

"Yeah, but I still feel like I'm letting her down." He let go of the bar as he stretched his arms out. "We don't talk nearly as much as I thought we would, you know? This whole distance thing is a lot tougher than I thought it would be." He wanted to look at his phone, to check the time, to see if it was over, but he didn't. He knew from last year that it took hours to get through the whole program and he had no idea when she would be on stage. That was why he made sure to fill the day with every kind of workout he could think of. One moment of standing still, and he was convinced that he would hop the first plane to New York and never look back. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't do that. Even if he didn't play another game this season, he knew he couldn't walk away from his commitment to the program. He would see her next week. For now, he had to remain patient and focused.

"I get that…well, not really because I've never really had that, but from the way you talk about her nonstop, I'd say it's worth it, right?" He never thought it would be, but there was something about the way Lucas talked about his girlfriend that made Tate feel like he was missing out on something special.

"Absolutely," he said without missing a beat, "I just hate that we can't be there for one another during all of this." Hate was an understatement. He could practically feel the bile in the back of his throat when he thought about how she must have looked when he told her he wouldn't be able to be there for her, but what else could he do?

* * *

Her lyrical piece was her first one. She was more than grateful for her performance schedule. The lyrical was first, then hip-hop, and finally her pas de deux with Charlie. She had removed herself from doing lyrical pieces for the last few years as she focused more on pointe, but after the accident and during her recovery, she discovered a new love for the style. She could completely lose herself in the choreography and the music as she flowed through movement by movement.

Her heart pounded when the lights rose as she stood alone on the middle of the stage. She was certain the first four rows could hear the thundering beat of her heart as she waited for the music to begin. With a crowd of people staring back at her, she never felt more alone in her life. Why couldn't he be there? She knew everything would be ok if she only saw his face in the crowd. She couldn't bear to search for him. She knew he wasn't there.

As the music began, she thought for sure she was going to faint, but as soon as she began to move, it was as if everything around her disappeared. She was transported into an alternate reality. In this reality, she never broke her leg, never had to say goodbye to Lucas, never succumbed to the obsession to lose weight. She felt light, free. It was completely euphoric.

She didn't have to think about her next movement or her choreography. Her body simply melted into the arrangement as she used the entire stage to show her family and friends exactly how far she had come in her long road to recovery.

With every passing second, she knew what she wanted to do and what she had to do in order to get there. Juillard. Dance. It all made sense. How could she ever give this up? The adrenaline rush, the ability to express herself in a way that words could never communicate, the peace that came to her whenever she was on stage—she didn't want to give it up. She had to keep going. She had to keep pushing.

As she nailed her last triple pirouette and seamlessly slid to the ground on the final note, she nearly cried in relief.

She was back. Lucas was right. She was a phoenix, and she had risen, stronger than before.

Nothing could stop her now.


	9. Chapter Eight

_**A/N: Abnormally long chapter. I'm sorry, but it's better this way. Also, buckle up. We're taking this thing full steam til the end. Hope you enjoy it.**_

* * *

Chapter Eight

"I'm exhausted," Maya groaned as she walked down the gate. She yawned as she tried to take off her neck pillow. Were they already here? She thought for sure she had just fallen asleep when Josh nudged her to wake up.

"You slept the whole time," Josh laughed.

"So," she whined. "We had to change plans twice to get here…do you have any idea how exhausting that is?" When Josh and Riley looked back at her with the same Matthews' all-knowing smirk, she rolled her eyes. Ok, so maybe they did know what it was like. "Besides, you watched some stupid sports movie and Riley stared out the window the entire time. What does me getting a little sleep have to do with anything?"

"I did not stare out—"

"Yeah, you kind of did," Josh informed his sister. He figured that the closer they got to Texas, the more excited she would be, but the longer she stared out the window of the plane, the more concerned he became. He knew her relationship with Lucas had been strained over the last few months, but he thought for sure she would be excited to see him. "You ok? We're here now."

"Yeah," she smiled half-heartedly. "I guess I just feel a little disoriented. Time change and everything." It wasn't completely untrue. She did feel a little off, but she was fairly certain it was because she was going to see her boyfriend in a few hours for the first time since he left the city. Most people would be thrilled to see their loved ones, and it wasn't that Riley wasn't happy to see him, it was that she was found herself in a blind panic about the whole thing.

He raised an eyebrow at her. He knew she was lying. He may have moved into the dorms, but he was still well aware of what had been going on between his sister and her boyfriend. Josh hadn't spoken to Lucas that much. He knew that he wasn't avoiding Riley. He really was that busy, but he could also see where his sister was coming from. They were in a relationship, and it was hard to stay in a relationship if there was no communication between the parties involved. He hoped that the next few days would reassure her, or at the very least, provide a little clarity for them both. All he wanted was for them to be happy. "It's going to be ok, Riley."

She nodded. "Thanks Josh."

As they made their way to luggage claim, Riley quickly spotted her bag with the red ribbon wrapped around it. Josh helped her get it off the baggage carousel. As she waited for Josh and Maya to grab their luggage, she looked around the small airport. She was finally here. She was actually in Texas. Riley watched as families welcome home loved ones, as couples embraced, as friends greeted one another. It was a beautiful thing to witness.

As her eyes continued to wander around the small airport, something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned around to see what it was just as the crowd began to part. That was when she saw him. He grinned as he held up a sign that read "Riley Matthews".

Was she dreaming? He told her that he wouldn't be able to pick them up—that he would meet up with them at the hotel after they got settled in. She blinked once, twice, three times before she took off in a sprint toward him.

Her smile widened with every step she took. When she got close enough to him, she jumped into his arms, unable to wait a millisecond longer to touch him, to know that this was real. He was there. He existed. This was real.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her. They said nothing as they simply held onto one another and the perfect moment that surrounded them. Her anxiety seemed to evaporate as soon as she felt his embrace. Could they stop time for just a little while? This was all she wanted, all she dreamt about for the last three months. She leaned her head back far enough to connect her lips with his. She missed this. She missed him. Two seconds into seeing him and this trip was already worth it. Why had she been so worried? He was here. He was still her Lucas.

"I missed you," he mumbled against her lips as he held her tightly. He didn't want to put her down. He didn't want to move. This was so much better than any dream he had the last three months.

"I missed you," she smiled as she pulled back from him. As she gazed into his eyes, she realized that her memories of them didn't do them justice. They practically shimmered underneath the fluorescent lighting that hung above them. It reminded her of the sparkle of the waves as the sun touched them.

"You look incredible," he softly stated as he found himself under the hypnotizing pull of her soulful brown eyes. He knew he missed her, but now that he held her, looked at her, he realized just how much he missed her. He found himself completely mesmerized by the way her eyelashes moved when she blinked, by the way the corners of her lips slowly lifted as she looked at him, by the intoxicating scent of her honey shampoo.

He quickly noticed that she was a lot stronger than the last time he saw her. Seeing her run towards him meant more than any accolade he had ever received. At one point, they weren't sure if she would be able to walk without assistance, let alone run, jump, or dance, but here she was. God, she was simply breathtaking. He pulled her to him once again as he buried his head in her hair. He wanted to be completely consumed by her. He wanted to remember this moment for the rest of his life. "God, I missed you so much." This made everything worth it. The time, the distance—everything.

Riley opened her eyes as they embraced once more. Was any of this real? Months without being able to see him, touch him, hold him, and now, she was here. Was everything going to be ok now?

"Gotta cut down on the PDA," Maya quipped as she and Josh walked up to the pair. "Got your luggage, Riles."

"Thanks." Reluctantly, she slowly detached herself from her boyfriend's embrace in order for him to greet her best friend and brother.

"Three months here and you've already started…and won two games. Congrats man," Josh told Lucas as they hugged.

"Thanks man," Lucas answered. "It's been pretty crazy, that's for sure." He turned to Maya. "Hey Maya."

"Hey cowboy," she said before she hugged him.

His gaze turned back to Riley as he addressed Josh and Maya. "Glad you guys could make it."

"So, what's the plan for the next few days?"

"Well, I figured that I'd take you guys to the hotel and you can get settled in and everything while I go to my last class of the day. I thought that tonight we'd all grab some food and just hang out. Tomorrow night there's a party that I—"

"A party?" Riley frowned. She wasn't expecting that. She knew it was Homecoming week for A&M, but she didn't think Lucas would want to go to a party, let alone take them to one.

He nodded. "Yeah…homecoming week apparently gets a little crazy around here. The team isn't allowed out the night before a game, so the big party is tomorrow night. I have a little time Friday afternoon that I can show you guys around campus and everything. Then the game is Saturday," he turned to Riley, "and I was hoping to take you out Saturday night. Just us."

Riley glanced at Josh and Maya before she looked back at Lucas. The bliss she had felt a few minutes ago slowly began to dissipate. Why was she so anxious to spend any time alone with him when she was so happy to see him not five minutes earlier? "Um…yeah…sure." She cleared her throat. "So, are you starting Saturday?"

He shook his head. "Tate's back." He looked down. He hadn't told anyone about it because it wasn't officially confirmed until practice that morning. As happy as he was for his teammate, he couldn't help the bitterness that filled him. He really wanted her to see him start. He needed her to see what he had been working for. He needed her to know that he was pushing himself for her, so she would be proud of him.

"It's fine," Riley assured him. "We're going to have a great trip." She knew he was disappointed, but this was his first season. He was going to have plenty of opportunity, and the whole reason he got recruited was to be the starting quarterback next season.

"Yeah, I just," he sighed. "I wish you would have been able to see me play."

"We saw you on TV," Riley reminded him. She even skipped out on a few dance practices in order to watch him play. That was something, right? Most guys would kill to start in a college football game, especially as a freshman. "And I'm sure we'll be able to see you play sometime…maybe next year?"

He chewed on his bottom lip. He knew he should be appreciative for the chance to have any sort of playing time this year, but still—he was so close to getting that start for their Homecoming game. He wanted to make her proud, to be able to see how proud she was of him. "Yeah…it's different though, Riley. Being able to play in front of a home crowd like that. Knowing that you're in the stands cheering…you wouldn't understand."

Riley frowned. "Wouldn't understand?" What wouldn't she understand? Wouldn't understand the disappointment that comes when you want to do something but couldn't because of circumstances beyond your control? "What do you mean I wouldn't understand?" The last year of her life was nothing but filled with disappointment because she couldn't perform. Had he forgotten about that? Not to mention the part about wanting her to be in the stands while he played. Had he conveniently forgotten the fact that she wanted him in the audience for parents' weekend?

"Why don't we get out of here," Josh suggested when he noticed the edge in his sister's tone. He knew that she was anxious and that while he was sure Lucas meant nothing by his comment, that Riley had taken exception to it. His sister was under a lot of stress between school and working on rehabilitating her leg, not to mention the fact that her boyfriend was across the country. He hoped that this weekend wouldn't turn out to be a huge mistake.

"Yeah," Maya added. "I'm ready to get rid of all this stuff."

* * *

"It was nice of him to take us to the hotel," Maya told Riley as she lounged on the bed while she watched the brunette unpack her suitcase.

"Mmhmm," she said as she hung up a few dresses. They opted for a two-bedroom suite at a hotel by campus. That way Maya and Josh were free to do whatever it was that they did, while a small little living room in the middle offered a much needed buffer for Riley so she didn't have to listen to it. She was also grateful for the two bathrooms. She was fortunate enough to have never shared a bathroom with her brother, and even though it was only for a few days, she was grateful she didn't have to start now.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She sighed before she turned to Maya. "I wouldn't understand what it's like to not be able to do what I love in front of the people I love? What kind of comment was that?"

"He's just frustrated right now." Maya sat up as she faced Riley. "Remember how frustrated you've been the last year? This is new for him, Riles. He's used to being the shinning star. He's paying his dues now, and he's just not used to it. He didn't mean anything by it."

Riley knew she was being too hard on him. She knew that normally, she would have let that comment bounce off of her, but she was scared. Scared and sensitive was a horrible combination. "Maybe, but…a party?"

"What's wrong with going to a party? I think we could all use a little party right now, don't you think?"

"It's not him," she said. "He's not like that. Not really liking that whole scene was one of the things that brought us together. Now he's taking us to one. It makes me wonder…"

Maya frowned. "Wonder what?"

"Does he do that often? Does he go to parties every week? Does he…are there any…girls?" She knew she was being irrational. Going to a party didn't mean that he was sneaking off with anyone, but she was completely on edge. She wasn't sure how to act around him. They hadn't really talked to one another in a long time, and while she led with her heart when she saw him at the airport, now her brain—and all of her insecurities that had built up since he left—had caught up to her. She knew she was driving herself crazy, but she couldn't help it. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.

"I'm sure there that girls here attend parties, but if you're honestly wondering if he's interested in any of them, know that he isn't," Maya told her matter-of-factly.

How could Maya be so certain? How was Maya more confident in them than Riley was? Was the pressure of maintaining a long distance relationship finally getting to her? She wasn't sure, but she didn't like it. She didn't like the feeling of paranoia that had ensnared her. "How do you know?"

"He loves you, Riles. Josh can see it. I can see it." She tiled her head to the side. "Can't you?"

Riley stopped what she was doing as she sat down next to Maya. "I used to," she honestly answered. "Part of me feels like we are strangers now. And…I don't know how to stop that…and hate it."

"You need to talk to him about it. Because all it's going to do is gnaw at you. You have a lot going on right now. We both do. Senior year. College or…something else is right around the corner. The stress you're under right now is only going to cause these doubts and insecurities to grow."

Despite her concerns about her relationship, Riley had to marvel at how much her best friend had grown in the last year. She wasn't sure if it was a combination of the temporary breakup with Josh or having to witness her best friend overcome some psychological and physical struggles, but she had become more perceptive than anyone Riley had ever met. Maya wasn't completely sure what she wanted to do with her life yet, but Riley knew her best friend was going to change the world.

* * *

She was distant. She knew it, and he must have known it too. Their little awkwardness at the airport had set an uncomfortable tone for them for most of the trip. Riley wanted to enjoy her time in Texas. She wanted to be able to see him, and have things be exactly as they were before he left, but as the hours wore on, she began to realize that she was hoping for the impossible. Things couldn't go back to the way they were before, hadn't that been her whole lesson from the last year?

So, where do they go from here? She didn't know. She loved him. She was as sure of that as anything, but where did she fit in his world? The small double date with Maya and Josh the first night was nice. It almost felt like old times. Maya and Josh took the lead and regaled Lucas with tales of the city since he left. They all laughed, but it felt hollow somehow. She didn't look at him much during the meal. She was afraid to. Afraid if would all fall apart, afraid that he wasn't real, afraid that he thought he had made a mistake by being with her.

Lucas's thoughts aligned with Riley's. While she couldn't bear to look at him, it was everything he could to do keep his eyes off of her. She was finally here. He could see her with his own eyes, touch her, hold her hand—the only problem was that she seemed pretty dismissive of him. Their weird exchange earlier hadn't settled well with him, and he knew she must have felt the same way.

They never did that in New York. They didn't fight. The only time was after the accident, when everything fell apart, and even then, it was a one-sided thing. They never argued over trivial issues, and that's what it was. He was disappointed in not being able to play, and knew that venting that as soon as he saw her was a poor move on his part. He had hoped they would be able to reset and forget it had happened, but that didn't appear to be the case.

When they left the restaurant, he reached for her hand and didn't realize he was holding his breath until she interlaced her fingers with his. He had spent months dreaming of this trip. He didn't want to fill it with unnecessary arguments that had nothing to do with them as a couple.

* * *

The following day, Maya, Josh, and Riley toured the town and campus while Lucas was at practice and in class. Although Riley had a good idea about how hectic her boyfriend's schedule was, she had no idea how busy he really was until she found out just how little she would actually get to see him over the four days she would be there. The only time she saw him that Thursday was when he came by the hotel to pick them up to take them to the party.

She didn't want to go. She had never liked parties, never liked drinking, or any poor decision-making that resulted because of it. Still, he wanted to take them to a Homecoming bash, so she wore her best smile when she saw him that night.

She smiled as they walked up to one of the fraternity houses. She smiled when she saw hundreds of college students try to file inside. She smiled when she noticed all of the red solo cups that littered the entire front yard. She smiled when she heard not one, but two people throwing up next to the house. She smiled as she was practically shoved into the house, and smiled, but politely declined, a red solo cup filled with some substance that made her stomach churn as soon as she saw it.

A smile was still plastered on her face as she watched Lucas accept said solo cup and drink it's contents, as she lost track of Maya and Josh somewhere in the house, and while she was introduced to most of the football team and half of the cheerleading squad.

Through all that, she smiled, not because she was happy with everything around her, but because she thought that if she smiled through it all, perhaps she could fool her brain into thinking that she was actually enjoying any part of this. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to enjoy being with him, but inwardly, she was screaming.

When she saw Lucas take that first drink, her heart sunk. Of course, she wouldn't ever try to control him. If he wanted to drink, then that was his own decision, but as she watched him down the second cup of murky liquid she later found out was appropriately called "sewer water", she realized that he had changed. He wasn't the Lucas Friar who avoided parties so much so that when he had to throw one, he spent the entire night with her in his father's study gushing over their mutual love of classic literature. He wasn't the same guy who refused to touch alcohol because it made everyone else around him act like an idiot. He was different now.

When she first met the other members of the football team, they seemed nice enough despite their inebriated state. Unfortunately, later on she overheard a small group of them talk about how 'hot Friar's girlfriend was' and the things they wouldn't mind doing to her if Lucas ever dumped her.

Then there were the cheerleaders. She never made eye contact with any of them because when Lucas introduced Riley, they all still gawked at Lucas like he was the second coming of Jesus. Great. Another insecurity to help her sleep at night. Now she knew that half of the cheerleading squad would happily climb into bed with Lucas the moment he gave them the word.

She felt nauseous, and she hadn't had a drop of alcohol to drink. Where were Maya and Josh? Where was any piece of home-of salvation-that she had spent the last year desperately seeking? This was all too much for her. Seeing his world, seeing how easily she could, and probably would, fall through the cracks made her sick. People change in college, she knew that, but she wasn't prepared for any of this. Did the guy she fell in love with even exist anymore?

After about an hour of trying to dodge football players and cheerleaders, she completely lost track of Lucas too. She tried to find him, but between the size of the house and the number of people there, it was impossible. She tried to text him, but of course, he didn't respond. It felt like the walls of the house were closing in on her. Her mind began to wander if he did things like this every week and if he talked about other girls the way his 'friends' talked about her. She was suddenly unsure of everything. Why had she even come to Texas? She had barely seen him, and when she did, they either argued or were completely awkward around one another. The world began to spin faster and faster as she tried to fight off the panic attack that suddenly coursed through her veins. She knew if she didn't get out of that house as soon as possible she would pass out.

So, she left. Part of her knew that it would only cause even more of a strain with him, but she didn't know what else to do. She knew if she had stayed, she would've gotten sick, passed out, or God only knows what else. She couldn't find Maya or Josh, so she texted them as she rode in an Uber on the way back to the hotel.

This was her new normal. She had three options: be with him and pretend to enjoy all the things he seemed to enjoy now, stay two thousand miles away from him and worry about what he was doing, or accept the fact that sometimes when people change, they drift away from one another.

She passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow. Her whole body ached as she subconsciously replayed the night's events over and over again.

* * *

When she awoke the next day, it was already late in the afternoon. She had slept for nearly sixteen hours. Part of her was unsure if last night was all some strange nightmare, or if it all actually happened. When she reached for her phone and saw half a dozen missed calls from Lucas, she knew that at least part of it had to be real.

Maya had texted her as well to let her know that she and Josh left the hotel in order to let her rest, but to call her as soon as she woke up so they could plan their evening. Riley typed out a response to them before she climbed out of bed. It had been almost 24 hours since she had eaten anything, but food was the last thing on her mind. As she made her way to the bathroom, she noticed that she had three voicemails from Lucas. She sat her phone on the counter as she chewed on her bottom lip. She thought about deleting them without listening to them. All but one were left last night, while he was intoxicated. She wasn't sure how she felt about everything yet. She wasn't mad at him. She was confused. She was afraid.

She scrolled through the home screen of her phone until she found one of her music apps. She put it on shuffle as she got ready to take a shower. She needed a release as she tried to get her mind off of this entire trip.

She took a deep breath as she climbed into the steaming shower. As the droplets scorched her skin, she closed her eyes. Music always saved her from reality. Music had the ability to transport her to a safe place—somewhere she could escape to for a little while. She swayed back and forth as she moved her hands back and forth to mimic the impromptu choreography she created in her mind.

For the first time since they were at the airport, she felt normal.

Could she stay in that shower for the next two days? Did she have to see him again, face whatever consequences resulted from last night?

She wasn't sure how long she stayed in the shower. Six songs? Seven? She knew that when she emerged, her skin was peppered with red splotches from the nearly scalding shower. Still, it felt good. After she wrapped a towel around herself, she wiped down the fogged mirror. She stared at her reflection for a few minutes before she finally reached for her phone. It was just after 7:00. She had only been awake for about an hour, but she knew if her head hit that pillow, she would easily fall asleep again.

She brushed the tangles out of her hair as she seriously considered laying back down. She wasn't going to see him today. They had an early curfew because of the game the next day. At first, she was upset that he had some last minute things to do that would prevent her from seeing him at all that day, but after last night, she had never been more grateful.

When she sat her hairbrush back down, she reached for her phone once more. She swallowed harshly as she gave into temptation and listened to his voicemail.

"' _RILEYYYYY! HEYYY! It's Lucas…uhhh…got your message. Went to the living room and you weren't there! Where are you? How did we get separated in the first-oh hey Mark! Yeah man. Have you met my—no way. Where? He's doing WHAT?! Oh…ok...be there in a minute. Well, call me back.'"_

"Guess Mark had something interesting to show him," she mumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest. She bit the inside of her cheek. That wasn't her Lucas on the phone. He sounded just like the drunken football players she overheard talking about her.

"' _RILEYYYY! You left?! What the hell, Riley?! I spent allllll night looking for you and you couldn't even let me know that you left?! I had to find out from your BROTHER who found me before he left…you know like what you should've done! What's with you anyway?! I thought you'd be happy to see me, but ever since you got here, you've been avoiding me. And now this?! What the hell is wrong with you?! Call me back so I at least know you made it back to the hotel in one piece!'"_

Riley cringed. She spent nearly an hour looking for him and only left because she was starting to have panic attack. What was she supposed to do? Pass out on the alcohol soaked floor?

One more message to go. She lowered her head as she pinched the bridge of her nose. Going back to sleep was turning into the best option with every passing second.

"' _Hey. Riley, I'm sorry. I don't…I don't remember what I said last night, so I'm sorry if I said something stupid. Um…it's almost 4:00 and I'm done with everything for the day. Curfew starts in a few hours, but it doesn't matter if you aren't…I haven't heard from you. I called Josh and he said you were asleep when they got back and when they left the hotel a while ago. Please call me back. Please. I don't want to fight. I want us to be ok again. Please…please call me back.'"_

Riley swallowed as she tried to push away the tears that formed in her eyes. She stared at her phone for a long moment. She loved him. She didn't want to fight. She didn't want their relationship to be the way it had been for the last few days, even for the last few months. How was she going to fix this?

It was after 7:00 now. His curfew started at 7:00. She wouldn't be able to see him until after the game tomorrow. She grabbed her phone and quickly dialed his number while she opened the bathroom door in order to get dressed.

He answered on the first ring. "Riley?"

She stopped digging through her clothes as she stood up. She had been so used to getting his voicemail that she hadn't considered what to actually say to him if he answered the phone. "Hey," was all she could think of to say.

Then she heard a knock on the door. She looked down at herself. She only had a towel on. There was no way she was going to answer that. Lucas was in his dorm room and Josh and Maya had a hotel key.

"Riley, it's me. Please open the door," he practically begged.

Her heart skipped a beat. She must have misheard him. "Wait. What?"

"I'm at the door…at your hotel. Please let me in."

Riley rushed out of her room and through the living room as she reached the door. She glanced through the peephole for a moment to make sure her boyfriend was on the other side. She quickly hung up the phone as she opened the door.

There he stood, in a maroon Texas A&M t-shirt and black basketball shorts. His hair was a mess and there were bags under his eyes. He had the phone up to his ear, but lowered it after she opened the door. He looked like a wreck.

"I'm sorry I interrupted," he gestured to her appearance as she stepped to the side to let him in.

"Yeah, I…I only woke up about an hour ago. I just got out of the shower," she answered as she closed the door. When she turned to face him, she noticed the slump in his shoulders and how his hands trembled slightly. She wasn't sure if it was because he had a hangover or if last night's events had taken its own toll on him. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a curfew tonight?"

"It doesn't matter," he said as he stood in the small living room. He wasn't sure what all he said last night, and he only remember pieces of the previous evening, but he knew that at some point, they got separated, that she left, that she wasn't happy. This whole trip had felt like one huge disaster.

"What are you talking about? You can get into big trouble if they find out you aren't in your room."

"It doesn't matter," he repeated. His memories of the previous evening may have been cloudy, but he knew that something had been off between them ever since she arrived, well, before that if he were being brutally honest with himself. "None of it matters. The game, the team, school…not if it means losing you." He paused as he tried to push down the thoughts that he had been running away from since he left New York. He swallowed. He knew he couldn't run from it any longer. "Riley, am I losing you? Have I lost you?"

She crossed her arms as her eyes fell to the ground.

Lucas let out a ragged breath as his shoulders slumped even further. He had pushed the thought out of his mind. He thought that maybe they were going through this patch because they needed to get adjusted to how their schedules were now. He didn't think it would lead to this. "No. Riley, please…no. I can't…I'm sorry about last night. I was still frustrated about not getting the start while you're here. I know that's no excuse, but…please…please tell me I haven't lost you." He didn't want to believe that they were drifting apart, even though they barely spoke to one another now. He wanted to believe that they could survive the distance and beat the odds.

She stared at the ground as he spoke. This was her chance to tell him everything she had been feeling since he left. If she didn't, if she kept it bottled in, she knew things would only get worse. This was her only option. "Lucas, I'm scared."

He wasn't expecting her to say that. Mad? Yes. Disappointed? Absolutely. But scared? "Scared? Of what? Of…of me?"

"Yes…no…I don't know." She slowly sank to the chair across from the sofa in the small living room. She waited until he sat down across from her before she continued. "Things have changed between us…and it's not just you going to school two thousand miles away. You've changed…and I'm sure I've changed too. Maybe…maybe those changes are pulling us in different directions."

He sat forward in his seat as he silently pleaded for her to look into his eyes. "We can be different and still be together. We've always had a lot of differences, but along with that, we have a lot of shared interests too."

She slowly nodded as she avoided his stare. "Yeah, like not being big into the party scene."

"Is that what this is about? The party? Riley, I don't…I don't go out and party…ever."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he affirmed. "Ok, I went to one when I first got here, but only because I felt like I should…that I'd be able to bond with the guys, but last night…that wasn't what I normally do here. At all. You can ask anyone."

She bit her bottom lip. "Like who? The cheerleaders who couldn't keep their eyes off of you or your teammates who I overheard talking about me like I was a piece of meat that they could wait to rip into once you were done with me?"

Lucas's eyes darkened as her words sunk in. "What," he asked darkly.

She ignored his question. That wasn't the point. "I don't like parties, Lucas, at least not big ones where everyone is drunk and fumbling all over one another. I thought I was going to faint. I freaked out because I didn't know what might happen to me if I passed out on the ground. Would people just trample all over me or would someone…" she paused. She couldn't even finish that statement. "I couldn't find you. I couldn't find Maya or Josh, so I left. I came back here and I slept. I slept until an hour ago…and all I want to do right now is go back to sleep…because I don't want this to be real." The first tear finally escaped down her right cheek as she forced herself to finally look into his eyes. The moisture in her eyes clouded her vision of him. She blinked several times as more tears streamed down her face. "I don't want to accept the fact that maybe…maybe this isn't working out like we thought it would."

"No," he stood up as he quickly closed the space between them. He knelt down in front of her as he reached for her hands. "Riley, we can make this work," he promised as he rubbed her knuckles with his thumbs. "I want to make this work. I love you so much." He raised his right hand to her cheek as he tried to wipe her tears away. "I'll do anything. I'll quit the team…move back to New York…anything…please…please don't do this."

"You can't do that," she sniffed. "You can't leave."

"I can," his voice trembled as the thought of losing her overtook him, "I can go back and rethink everything…maybe transfer to NYU next fall. I'll do anything…please, Riley…don't give up on me…on us."

Her bottom lip quivered as he spoke. "Lucas, you aren't happy."

"The only time I'm happy is when I'm with you." He gently squeezed her hand. She had to understand that. He needed her to know that she meant everything to him, that he would do anything for her. "I'm sorry I missed your performance. Did Josh tell you that he recorded it for me? He sent me the whole thing."

"He did? He never told me." Lucas saw it? He watched her performance?

"I asked him to. I know we haven't spoken a lot in the last week, but I've watched it every day. I wish I could have been there. Riley, I should have been there. You looked incredible. I'm so proud of you."

She bit back a sob at his words. He was proud of her? He saw it? "I wish you could have been there too." She couldn't believe that he had been able to see it. Photography wasn't allowed, so she never thought to ask her brother to film it. She sniffed. "Thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful. Kind of reminded me of the park in fall."

"That's what I was going for," he lowered his head to kiss the back of her hand. When he lifted his head, his eyes locked onto hers. "I wanted you to know that even though I couldn't be there, that I wanted to be. I stayed in the gym all day because I knew if I had a moment to sit down, I would've gotten on the first plane to New York. I hate myself for missing it."

She squeezed his hand. "I…I understand. You had to miss it because of your obligations here. It stinks, but…this is our life now."

"Not anymore. I'm coming back to the city with you."

"No," she smiled sadly as she lightly rubbed his cheek with her left fingers. "You aren't."

He placed his right hand over hers as she continued to lightly stroke his cheek. "I'm not going to lose you to this."

She lifted her other hand to the other side of his face as she gently pulled his face closer to hers. He needed to know exactly how she felt about him. "I love you, Lucas."

He let out a puff as his eyes filled with tears. He had been able to keep them at bay throughout their entire conversation, but hearing those four words from her meant more to him now than they ever had before. "Riley, I love you."

"You were there for me after the accident…even when I…when I said I didn't need you. You were there. I want to be there for you now."

"Things will be better, I promise," he vowed. "Please don't leave me. You are the only thing in this world worth fighting for."

"You don't have to fight," she lowered her hands from his face. "I just…don't know who that guy was last night."

"I don't either. I think I was just scared because there has been this wall between us ever since you got here, and I didn't know how to knock it down." He needed to maintain physical contact with her right now, so he interlaced his fingers with hers. "I didn't know how to act…so I escaped…and now I know that…I shouldn't have done that."

She nodded. The last few months had taken a toll on both of them, in very different ways. Despite her tear stained cheeks and the puffiness she knew resided around her eyes, she began to feel a little better about things. They needed to communicate. It was the only way they were going to survive this. "You need to get back to campus."

He shook his head. The last thing on his mind was curfew or football for that matter. "No. I need to know we're ok."

"We're ok."

He paused. That didn't make him feel any better. He didn't want to leave her. Not now. "No. I need…I need to be with you."

"You are with me."

He slowly stood up. "I want to hold you." He offered his hand to her. When she placed her hand in his, he helped her stand up. "I want to wake up next to you. I want to spend as much time with you as possible, even if we're just sleeping."

Her heart fluttered. "It's not even 8:00."

"I didn't sleep last night," he confessed.

"At all?"

He shook his head. "How could I…when I thought I had lost you?" He may not have remembered everything that happened, but that didn't stop his mind from letting him know that he might have screwed up the most important relationship in his life.

"What about your curfew?"

"My roommate can cover for me. I told him I had to see you."

"Lucas, if you get into trouble because you came to see—"

"I don't care." He moved his right hand to the back of her neck as he rested his forehead against hers. "Riley, you are all that matters. Please. Please say I can stay."

Riley moved her forehead against his as she closed her eyes. This was her Lucas. This was the guy she fell in love with, and not because he was risking his status on the team to be with her. It was because of the way he spoke, the tender way he addressed her, the loving way he said her name. The last few months had been hard on them both in different ways. Maybe now that they talked it out, that they saw things from the other's point of view, that it would be better.

As she leaned in to kiss him, she didn't know what the future held. The only thing she knew was that the guy she had missed for months had knelt in front of her and promised that he would try harder to balance his life here and with her. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she silently promised the same thing—to try to be more understanding, to be more supportive, to love him with every fiber of her being.


	10. Chapter Nine

_**A/N: Thank you so much for the response to the last chapter. I know it was a lot to take in, but there are certain things that I didn't want to extend into multiple chapters. This is another chapter like that, hence the unusually long length.**_

* * *

Chapter Nine

Ten weeks later…

It felt like it had been a year since Lucas spent that night in her hotel room. She didn't want that night with him to end. Every second with him was perfect, especially those hours they spent cuddled up together.

Thankfully, he didn't get into trouble with his coaches. He snuck back in his dorm around 6:00, just in time for their wake up call. The Aggies won their Homecoming game, and Riley and Lucas's one-on-one date that night went just as perfect as their prior evening. He spent the night with her once again. Riley was never more grateful for the two room suite they had booked. As terrible as the first half of the trip had been, the last two days felt like a dream.

The next morning, they came crashing back to reality. She had to go back. He had to stay.

Things were better—for a while. They talked every night and kept a constant stream of texts between one another for about a month. He couldn't come back to the city for Thanksgiving, so he went to Austin to spend the holiday with his family, which Riley completely understood, but afterward, messages between them started to slow down. Their hour long face time conversations every night became shorter and less frequent as the couple's obligations started to pull them apart once more, except this time, neither one of them seemed to notice. Lucas was focused on wrapping up his first season and first semester in college while Riley was spending even more time at the studio as she prepared for her audition at the end of February.

As the holidays drew closer and closer, Riley started to feel it again—the pressure, the intense need to be perfect, to get into Juilliard and chase what had been deemed the impossible not that long ago. It all started off innocently enough. She wouldn't leave the studio until after 10 most evenings. By the time she got home, the only thing that appealed to her would be her bed. She wasn't going out of her way to skip a meal here or there, but as time marched on, it became more and more frequent. Pretty soon, Christmas had arrived and Riley hadn't eaten an actual dinner in almost a month. She didn't think much of it. She wasn't hungry, so she didn't eat. It didn't mean that anything was starting again.

Lucas arrived in New York two days before Riley's family was set to go to Philadelphia. He planned to go with them since Christmas got so messed up the year before, and it would be the only real time he would get to spend with her since A&M got a bowl bid for New Year's. He'd barely be on the east coast for a week, and half of it would be spent in Philadelphia with her family.

She felt bad for not being able to see him the first few days he was in town, but she had finals and had to squeeze in as much practice as possible before the studio closed for winter break. She only had two months to perfect her audition piece. She knew he would understand.

If he only knew about the audition.

She wasn't sure why she hadn't told him. Truthfully, the only people who knew were her family and Maya. She didn't want to advertise it because she knew it was a long shot, but a shot she knew she needed to take. She didn't want to wake up ten years from now and wonder what if. So, missing out on the first two days of his trip back to the city wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

They rode with Josh and Maya on the way to Philadelphia. It was a little weird to see him for the first time in two months with her whole family standing in the living room, but when he reached for her hand as they sat in the backseat, she started to relax.

"I missed you," he told her as he lightly rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Aw, I missed you too buddy," Josh chimed in from the driver's seat.

"I was talking to your sister," Lucas clarified.

"Please don't get mushy," Maya groaned. "We have a long ride and I really don't want to get car sick."

"I have to deal with you two almost on a daily basis," Riley spoke up as she nudged the back of Maya's seat. "We aren't…really going to have any time alone while he's here."

"Let them be adorable," Josh told his girlfriend as he reached for her hand. He smiled as he brought it to his lips. "Remember when we were like that?"

Maya's heart skipped as she watched his lips lightly brush across her knuckles. "When were we ever like that?" She meant for it to come out sarcastically, but her breathy reply only made Lucas and Riley chuckle.

Riley looked over at her boyfriend. "I missed you too."

He knew he should believe her and move on, but something had been nagging at him for the last two days. The last thing he wanted to do was to start a fight with her, but if she was allowed to tell him how he had hurt her in Texas, wasn't he allowed to voice his disappointments too? "Are you sure?"

Riley frowned. "Am I sure of what?"

He knew he should back out. He should focus on the short amount of time that he would have with her, but for some reason, he couldn't let it go. "That you missed me."

Was he being serious right now? Had they not had this discussion before? Were they not fighting the distance in order to be with one another? "Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

He looked down at their joined hands. "It's just that…I've been in town for a few days now and…today's the first day I've seen you."

"I had finals…and dance. I wanted to get some extra time in before the studio closed for two weeks. I thought…I thought that you of all people would understand." Wasn't that the reason why they barely spoke to one another? He was always at a practice or traveling for a game. She felt bad for not being able to see him sooner, but it was only two days. She was about to spend the next three with him. What was the issue?

He slowly nodded. The logical side of him knew that he should drop it and focus on having a wonderful Christmas with her, but the disappointed side of him who had patiently counted down the hours until he got to New York to see her again won out. "So, you got mad at me when I was a little busy when you came to Texas, but now that I'm in New York, it's ok if you blow me off to dance?"

Had he completely lost his mind? Her being a little busy the first few days of his Christmas break wasn't the same thing as bringing her to an insane college party and losing her in a crowd of strangers. She pulled her hand back from his. "That's not the same thing."

"How is it not the same thing, Riley?"

"Hey, no fighting back there," Maya interjected as she turned toward the couple. Given the two options, she'd much rather hear them proclaim their undying love for one another for the next few hours instead of bickering about not spending enough time with one another. She never heard them argue about anything before, not like this anyway. She glanced at Josh when she turned back around. Riley and Lucas weren't acting like themselves and it was really starting to bother her.

When Josh noticed the worried look on his girlfriend's face, he knew he wasn't the only one who was concerned about the couple in the backseat. They had just seen one another for the first time in two months and they were already arguing, something the couple never did before Lucas moved to Texas. "Yeah, come on. You guys haven't seen each other in awhile. You've both been miserable. Enjoy the time together."

Maybe Josh was right. Maybe they were both on edge because they haven't been around one another in a few months. Lucas knew that his frustration came entirely from the fact that he wasn't able to see her as soon as he could. That wasn't a bad thing, was it? He was upset he couldn't see her sooner. That's all it was. "He's right," Lucas told her as he reached for her hand once more. "I'm sorry. I was just…hoping we'd be able to spend more time together."

"I know." She gave him a small smile as she squeezed his hand. "Me too." They were both under a lot of pressure that had nothing to do with their relationship. Their fight was about their inability to spend more time together. It was pretty ridiculous once Riley thought about it. Definitely not anything they should spend their precious time fighting over.

"Listen, I have an idea. I was talking to Maya and Josh about it and wanted to run it by you. I have to be back by the 28th. We get back from Philadelphia on the 26th. My parents left this morning to go to Austin to see my grandparents, so I was thinking that…since we won't be together on New Year's that I could bring New Year's to us."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I was thinking about having a little get together at their house. Nothing big…smaller than those parties Josh used to throw for the team last year. And we celebrate it just like New Years…countdown to midnight and everything. How does that sound?" He hated that he wouldn't be able to spend New Year's with her because of the game, so he thought that having a little celebration before the fact would help them both get through it.

She smiled. "Sounds wonderful."

He grinned. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

"It's never going to work," Riley sighed before she slipped her toothbrush back in her mouth. As she finished brushing her teeth, she tried to hide her growing smile. As a lot of things in her world continued to change, she hoped that this never would. It was too entertaining.

"We're older now," Maya explained as she brushed her hair.

After Riley spit out her toothpaste, she addressed the blonde. "It was a year ago, Maya. Dad is probably more perceptive about it now that Lucas and Josh are in college."

"Oh, please," she rolled her eyes. "I feel like he's starting to mellow out in his old age. I mean…he let you go to Texas to see your boyfriend."

Riley slid her toothbrush into the travel holder. "It's harder for him remain blissfully ignorant if it's happening in the house he's sleeping in."

"Come on, Riles. Show a little enthusiasm." She pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "I know you missed him."

She looked down. They had gotten past the little argument in the car, but things still seemed to be a little off between her and Lucas. It was starting to feel like Texas all over again. "Of course I did."

Maya stepped to the side in order to give the brunette a little more room to brush her hair. "But?"

"But nothing," Riley responded.

Maya leaned against the door jam as she watched Riley vigorously brush the tangles out of her hair. She had known Riley long enough to know that something was going through her mind. "You didn't say much at dinner tonight."

"You try talking over ten other people and see how many words you're able to get in."

"Mmm…pretty sure I was able to hold an entire conversation with your grandmother." She caught Riley's eyes in the mirror. "You haven't been eating as much, Riles."

Riley sat the hairbrush down on the counter as she spun around to face her best friend. "Maya, I'm fine." First Lucas and now this? She knew Maya only had the best intentions, but she wasn't in the mood to get into this conversation with her.

Maya popped her lips as she briefly considered letting the topic drop. A flashback to Riley laying in the hospital pushed her to continue. "Is it starting again?"

"No."

"Are you sure, because…no one would blame you. Your audition is coming up in a few months. You've been under a lot of stress with finals, not to mention the fact that you're trying to maintain a long distance relationship." The floodgates had opened and Maya couldn't seem to stop. Riley had come so far in the last year. The last thing she needed was to fall back into her eating disorder.

"It's not happening again," she answered a little more forcefully. "You're right. I've just been stressed."

"I've researched it some…a lot of people fall back into it. It's a lifelong struggle."

She loved her best friend like a sister, but Riley really didn't want to get into this subject. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded of her insecurities. "I know that Maya. Learned all about it in therapy."

Maya wasn't picking up on the edge in Riley's tone. "When was the last time you went?"

"Right before I got my cast off. Why?"

"I just thought that maybe…with everything going on, that you might want to…talk to someone, you know?"

"Maya, it's fine. Nothing is wrong. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I know how to handle the stress now." She breezed past the blonde as she went back into her Aunt Morgan's old room. She wasn't going to talk about it anymore. It was Christmas. They were all supposed to be talking about happy things, not missed opportunities and past failures. "Look, I'm not going to squeal if you want to sneak into dad's old room with Josh."

"Riley, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine," she interrupted. She didn't want to spend the next half hour listening to Maya apologize about it. Couldn't they just move on with their lives?

"Knock, knock," Josh stated before he slowly opened the door on the other side of the adjoining bathroom.

Maya turned to him. "Hey."

"Hey," he answered before he noticed the somber look on her face. "Is everything ok?"

"It's fine," she replied with a strained smile. She was worried about Riley. She knew that when Riley set her mind to something, she wouldn't let anything stop her. As much as she wanted to believe that Riley had recovered from her eating disorder, she knew that most people who suffered from them often backslid into them. It was an ongoing recovery. Maya was happy Riley was dancing again, but she wasn't sure the long hours at the studio were helping her mental state. Her best friend had placed a lot of pressure on herself right now. Watching her push the food around on her plate for half an hour had all but confirmed that something was going on with Riley that she hadn't shared with her. Was it all because of Lucas or was it a combination of everything?

"Well, Aug is sleeping on the couch," he told the girls as he and Lucas walked through the bathroom into their room.

"How is that possible," Maya asked.

"There was a hole in the air mattress," Lucas answered. "Even though Mr. Matthews swears he checked it before he left the apartment."

Maya looked at Josh who now grinned from ear to ear. "That's diabolical."

"I've learned a thing or two in college," Josh laughed.

"Still gotta get past dad," Riley reminded him.

"Well, from the snoring I heard down the hallway, it's pretty safe to say he's out for the night. I've already locked the door in the other room. You guys just need to lock this one and no one will be the wiser."

Maya turned to Riley. "You gonna be ok?"

"Yeah." She gave her a small smile. "Have a good night."

"Goodnight, sis," Josh hugged Riley before he followed Maya back to the boys' room.

Lucas waited until Josh shut the door before he turned to her. "Riley, if you don't want to sleep in the same bed, I can crash on the floor."

"No," she shook her head as she slid over to the other side of the bed. "No, it's fine."

"Are you ok," he asked as he sat down across from her on the bed.

She rubbed the back of her neck. "Just…a weird conversation with Maya."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

She shook her head. "Just a misunderstanding is all. Probably a good thing that we're in different rooms tonight." She ran her fingers through her hair as she pulled it back into a messy bun.

"I really missed you, Riles," he said as he watched her. "I miss seeing you. I miss talking to you. I even miss watching you do something completely mundane…like pulling your hair back."

"I missed you too." She placed her hand on his leg. "I just…sometimes I…kind of feel like maybe…"

His smile faltered. "Feel like what? Please don't tell me you're doubting us again." His mind had been on their argument ever since it happened. He knew he should've kept his mouth shut. All he wanted was to have a great few days with her.

"No," she hesitated, "But it feels like we might be starting to go back to back to how we were before I went to Texas. We haven't really…talked a lot lately. I know you had finals and the season has been winding down, but…I don't know."

"I'm trying," he told her. "I'm trying all I can, Riley. I'm sorry." Once he got through the bowl game, he knew that his schedule would open up and they would have more time to talk. He knew that spring semester wouldn't be nearly as stressful as the fall one was. They just needed to hang on. They had only been doing this for six months. They were still getting used to their new routines.

She wasn't blaming him. That was the source of her frustration. There was no one to blame. It was simply how their life was. She felt that confiding in him would help the situation, not make him feel like he was doing something wrong. "Lucas, it's fine. I just wanted to—"

"Make me feel bad?"

"No!" How was it possible that she couldn't communicate effectively with anyone anymore? It was maddening. She always thought communication had been one of their strongest attributes. Now, she felt like she couldn't say anything to him without offending him.

"Ruin what little time we do have together?"

She felt a rush of tears sting her eyes. That wasn't what she meant. She wasn't trying to create more friction between them. "No. Lucas, that's not it at all. I'm sorry, ok? I don't want to fight. You're right. The next few days are going to fly by and then," she shrugged as she tried to quell the urge to break down, "who knows what will happen next."

His features softened when he noticed her eyes water. He hated this. He hated that they couldn't seem to get on the right page and started this trip off on the wrong foot. All he wanted at that moment was a do over with her. He leaned forward as he lifted his hand to caress her cheek. "Riley, please don't talk like that." He hated the distance. He hated the stress they were both under. He hated the friction it caused them.

She bit the inside of her cheek as she forced herself to not give into the frustration he and Maya had subjected her to today. She wasn't going to cry at Christmas. "Like what," she asked once she felt more in control of her emotions.

He gazed into her beautiful mocha eyes for a long moment. It was the first time they had been alone since she the morning she left Texas. Everything felt perfect those last two days. Couldn't they go back to that? Couldn't they go back to her hotel room, lock the door, and shut out the entire world? "Like we won't ever see each other again." He knew they had struggled. He'd be an idiot not to see it, but he also knew that they would get through this. They had to get through this. There wasn't another option.

"We're here now," she said as she reached for his hand on her cheek. She smiled despite the ache in her heart. "I'm glad you were able to spend Christmas with me."

Why did her words seem like the beginnings of a goodbye? No. No, they weren't. They couldn't be. He was just being paranoid because of their arguments. "I love you. You know that, right?"

She nodded before she slid closer to him. She placed her hands on either side of his face as she searched his eyes, hoping to find the answers to all of the questions that were running through her mind. "And I love you, Lucas." She leaned forward as the need to be with him-to forget about the day-overtook her. As soon as her lips met his, everything around them melted away. The world had finally left them alone, at least for a little while, so they could be Riley and Lucas.

* * *

The old tree house. She hadn't been inside of it in a year. It was the place her father and his siblings used to play in, the place she and Josh used to hide out in when it was time to go back to New York. It was where Josh and Maya had their first kiss. It was where Riley first found out that she was going to be a big sister. Sitting in that old tree house always brought her more clarity than anything else ever did, even dance. Maybe it was because she could practically feel her childhood in the slightly cracked walls. Maybe it was because her entire family had carved their names in the small structure so it felt like everyone she loved surrounded her while she escaped reality for a little while. Or, perhaps it was because it felt a lot like home.

Christmas Eve and Riley Matthews was in that old tree house by herself. She wasn't sure where the others were. She knew Auggie was trying to get everyone gathered to watch a movie, but Riley wasn't in the mood. She needed a few minutes to think, to dream, to try to figure some things out.

She wasn't sure how long she had been up there before she heard someone enter the yard from the kitchen. When he first called out her name, she didn't answer. As much as she loved her entire family, and as much as she had missed them last Christmas, everything felt different this year. She felt different. Maybe that was what was off about her and Lucas. Maybe he wasn't the problem. Maybe she was. Maybe the last several months had changed her in ways she hadn't anticipated.

"I know you're up there," Josh told her as he climbed up the thirty year old ladder that creaked with every single step he took. As soon as he poked his head inside, he spotted her in the far corner of the tree house, her legs folded under her as her hands rested in her lap. "Hey."

"Hey," she answered. "Sorry I didn't answer you."

"I would've been more surprised if you did," he chuckled as he climbed into the small house. "We used to have a lot more room in here, didn't we?"

"We used to be a lot smaller," she smiled faintly.

"We haven't really talked much lately. How are you doing?"

She shrugged. "I keep chugging along."

"Ah come on…that's the answer you give mom and dad. It's me, Riley. Josh. Your big brother. Your protector. Your first best friend." His smile faded. "I know when something's up. What is it?"

"Josh, do you think I'm living in the past?"

"Well, you're in a tree house that's almost as old as Aunt Morgan is," he laughed "So, I need you to be a little more specific."

Riley softly chuckled as she looked down at her hands. "With dance. Do you think that I'm kidding myself with the whole Juilliard thing?"

"Getting nervous?"

"A little," she confessed. "I was so ready last year, Josh. Everything was planned out for that summer workshop. I already knew what my audition piece was…and now I don't know."

"Do you want to do it?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "How amazing would it be…a year ago most people thought I'd be lucky just to walk again. If I got into Juilliard after all that…it'd be pretty incredible."

"Well, you know that I know nothing about dance besides all of the recitals mom and dad dragged me to over the years, but if there's one thing I know Riley, it's that you can do anything you set your mind to."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Who knows you better than me…besides Maya."

The right side of Riley's lips curled up into a half smile. This was what she needed. She needed someone to believe in her. She needed someone to tell her that she could do anything she wanted to. She loved that her brother seemed to recognize that. "Pretty sure you know me better than Maya does. You are my big brother after all."

"And as your big brother, it's part of my job to protect you whenever I can."

"You've done a great job so far."

There was something on his mind, and he didn't want to get involved in her relationship with his best friend, but he had seen the toll that their distance had taken on her. He looked around the tree house for a long moment before he finally sighed. He had to at least ask. "I'm going to ask you something, and if you don't want to answer me, that's fine, but I just need to ask it."

Riley swallowed. The last thing she wanted was to get into an argument with someone else she loved, but he had answered her question. It was only fair that she answer his. "You can ask me anything."

"You're up here…by yourself. Lucas is inside with our family. What's going on?"

Riley bit her bottom lip. Truthfully, she didn't know. They weren't back to where they ended up in Texas, but she wasn't nearly as comfortable around him as she once was. The previous night was wonderful, and they seemed ok today, but it wasn't the same. "I don't know," she answered.

"There seemed to be a lot of…tension in the car yesterday."

She nodded.

"And he was in town for two days and you didn't see him." He knew he was pushing her patience, but he only wanted to see her happy. It was starting to get to the point where he couldn't remember the last time he saw her genuinely happy.

"I was busy with practice."

"Too busy to see your boyfriend who lives two thousand miles away…who came back to the city for Christmas specifically to spend time with you and your family while his family went to Austin?"

"I know," she sighed as she slid her legs out from underneath her. "I know. I thought…maybe we would pick up where we left off. I thought that we would just click like we always have, but…I guess when you aren't in one another's lives on a daily basis…we've both been busy…so I guess it takes a little time to get adjusted to seeing one another again."

"Riley, do you still love him?"

"Yes," she answered without even the smallest of pauses. "I'm not sure if you'd really understand. You went to college in New York. Nothing really changed between you and Maya. You two were also together a long time before you graduated. Lucas and me…it's different. We were together, then…then the accident…then we got back together…and he was gone a few months later." She wrapped her arms around herself as the bitter December wind sliced through the cracks in the tree house. "It's like…we were still getting to know one another…really know one another when he left."

"I always thought you two just understood one another. You've been through so much."

"We have been. And we do understand one another…at least we used to. It was so refreshing to meet someone who loved literature as much as I did…to find someone who shared so many interests yet was different enough where it didn't feel like I was dating myself, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that. So, you don't think you have that now?"

"I don't know. We aren't really around each other enough to find out."

"You could be with him right now, but you're up here."

"Because…I think I'm afraid to find out."

"You think he's changed."

She slowly nodded. "But I think I have too…and I don't know where that leaves us. You know…I still haven't told him about Juilliard."

Josh frowned. "That's the biggest thing you have going on in your life. Why haven't you said anything to him?"

"Because…I don't know why…and that scares me too. Why haven't I told him? I've been focusing on that for months now…and he has no idea." She looked down. "I feel like every move I make is the wrong one, Josh. I don't want to lose him, but the whole ride here, he was sitting right next to me, but it felt like he wasn't there."

"You need to talk to him about this, Riley. Maybe then you can try to work it out."

"When? When we're around the tree singing carols or opening gifts? It's Christmas. And after that, he has his game…and…I don't think this is the type of conversation that can be handled in a ten minute phone call."

"I don't know, Riley. I don't know when the right time is, but if you want to make it work with him, if you love him, if you want to survive this, then you need to tell him. It's not fair for him to be kept in the dark."

She tilted her head to the side. "When did you become so wise?"

"I took Psych 101 last semester," he smiled.

"Awww baby Riles," Riley heard Maya coo in the living room when she and Josh came back inside.

Riley looked up at her brother. "What's going on?"

"Grandpa pulled out some home movies. Guaranteed to embarrass those of us who have significant others here," Josh sighed. "It's one reason I went looking for you. There is no way I'm going through this alone."

Riley chuckled. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"I wanna be a ballerina," she heard her five year old self proudly proclaim from the other room.

Riley's eyes widened. "Oh no," she groaned before she hurried into the living room. Her entire family, including Maya and Lucas, surrounded the TV as they watched the then kindergartener twirl around on stage.

"Just in time," her mother smiled at her two older children. "Your grandfather pulled out the videos your father gave them for Christmas last year."

Riley glanced at the TV. "I haven't seen these."

"Well, things got a little chaotic last year," her father chimed in, "So, we thought we would all watch them together. You missed Auggie's."

"Look at my little ballerina," Maya cooed as she watched the five-year-old twirl in front of the camera. "Come sit," she instructed them.

Josh and Riley took a seat between Lucas and Maya on the floor in front of the couch.

"This is so embarrassing," Riley mumbled.

"It's not that bad," her mother said from her position behind her daughter. "Yours are mostly filled with your end-of-the-year recitals."

Riley tilted her head to the side when she noticed her sixteen-year-old self throwing her hand up to block herself from the camera. "Wait…this was two years ago, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I didn't put them in chronological order," Cory told her.

Riley studied the screen as she watched herself glide across the stage. "Was this only two years ago," she murmured as she slowly became hypnotized by the graceful movements she once executed with little effort.

"What is this from," Lucas asked.

"It's a pas de deux from Swan Lake. It took Charlie and me hours to get the choreography down. I was almost completely black and blue the first few weeks we worked on it." He would drop her, their feet would get tangled up together, and sometimes he would grip her so tightly, so she wouldn't fall, that she ended up with bruises in the shape of his fingers along her entire body.

"You look beautiful."

Riley didn't notice that Lucas's hand had slowly inched closer to her until he finally placed it on top of her knee. She looked down briefly before she placed her hand over his. She peered up at the TV as she watched the rest of the performance. She had so much grace, so much elegance then. She looked so lean, so muscular. "I was really thin then."

"Too thin," Maya quickly told her. "Your bones were protruding, Riles."

"Yeah," she softly chuckled, "You're right. I haven't…this is my first time seeing…you know…since everything happened."

"You've come a long way," Josh said as he put an arm around her shoulders.

"You certainly have," her grandmother added. "We are all so proud of you. It takes a special kind of person to go through what you did and come back as quickly and as strongly as you have."

"That's right," Lucas smiled as he watched a ten-year-old Riley tap dance across the stage.

"No matter what happens Riley, you should be proud of that. Juilliard will be lucky to have you."

Riley swallowed as she felt her heart sink. Suddenly, she hoped the earth would open up and swallow her whole. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't move. Maybe he hadn't heard her grandmother?

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows as he started at the TV. "Juilliard?"

"Yeah," her grandmother smiled. "Riley's auditioning in two months. She didn't tell you?"

"No," he answered slowly before he turned to face her. "You're trying out?"

She looked down. "Yeah…yeah…um…I was going to tell you, but…things have been…kinda crazy lately."

Everyone else in the room was completely silent as they waited for Lucas to react. Finally, Josh cleared his throat. "Well, who's ready to see my embarrassing childhood?"

The group began to talk amongst themselves, except for Riley and Lucas. She stared at the ground while he silently watched her. When did she decide this? Why didn't she tell him about it? He thought that one of the reasons she got so upset in Texas was because he wasn't able to communicate with her, so why didn't she tell him this?

He couldn't help but start to wonder if she was hiding anything else from him.


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

A small party. That's what he said it would be. Just a small gathering of friends to ring in the New Year a few days before it actually happened because he wanted to have that memory with her, because he wanted to be with her at New Year's…even if it meant moving the actual day.

So, where was he?

Riley scanned the jam-packed living room. She knew her way around his parents' place, but other than that, it reminded her of that college party in Texas. She recognized a lot more people, but still, this wasn't at all what she thought it would be. She expected it to be like one of their old high school parties. Instead, there were easily three times the amount of people, alcohol, and chaos. And she had no idea where Lucas was.

He seemed fine once she explained that she hadn't told him about Juilliard because she wasn't sure she wanted to do it and didn't want to worry him about something that may not even happen. She expected him to argue with her, to tell her that he would want to know about anything that was going on her life—but he didn't. He simply told her that he understood and they hadn't spoken about it since.

Things had changed between them. Christmas in Philadelphia, normally her favorite time of the year, became one awkward trip that made her anxious to get home, to get in her room, to get away from Lucas.

She had never wanted to get away from him before. She never thought it would be possible, but she couldn't stand the stares, the unspoken chill that emanated from his direction, and the fact that the last two nights there, he barely kissed her goodnight, let alone attempted any amount of intimacy with her.

She felt nauseous. She felt like the worst person in the world. She tried to apologize to him, to stress the fact that she wasn't trying to exclude him from her life, but every time she opened her mouth to let him know, he either changed the subject or interrupted her to insist that it was ok. She thought his indifference couldn't get any worse, but she was wrong. When he walked away from her that morning after she practically begged him to talk to her, it felt like a thousand daggers had sliced through her heart.

She knew she deserved it. She wanted him to yell at her, to give her any kind of reaction to the news that she had willingly kept a secret from him for months. Her whole family knew. Her closest friends knew. Her boyfriend didn't know. The guy she was in love with had no clue what she had been so focused on for the last several months.

She had hoped the party would help. New Year's was the time to start over—to move past the mistakes everyone made the prior year. This wasn't officially January 1st, but it might as well be. She wanted to start fresh with him. She wanted to celebrate his last night in New York with him. She wanted them to be Riley and Lucas again.

But she couldn't find him anywhere.

As she tried to navigate through the crowded living room, the realization hit her that maybe he invited so many people in order to keep himself from her—to limit his interaction with her. Her throat ran dry when she considered it, but it made perfect sense. He had only mentioned a small intimate gathering. If he threw a big party, he could easily avoid her.

Big parties. Avoidance. Gatsby.

She turned around as she started toward his father's study. He had to be in there. He was still her Lucas, and her Lucas wasn't a fan of big parties. They hid out in his father's study during that first party, quoting Gatsby and slowly falling in love.

She paused in the hallway long enough to check her reflection in the mirror. She ran a hand through her curled tresses before she continued her trek to what had once been their private oasis.

She took a deep breath when she reached the closed door. As she turned the doorknob, she noticed that it was locked. She frowned. She knew he kept the door locked to preserve his father's law books and his mother's priceless rare books, but if he were in there, surely he wouldn't lock her out, right? She spun around as she walked to the hallway table. She picked up the vase on the corner in order to grab the spare key. She walked back toward the locked door and inserted the key. She slowly exhaled as she opened the door.

' _Nothing,'_ she quickly noted as she walked into the darkened room. He wasn't in there. Riley turned on the desk lap by the entrance before she closed the door behind her. She always loved this room. There were a lot of stories that rested on the far wall. First editions of some of her favorite books lived there:  The Great Gatsby, Wuthering Heights, and Great Expectations to name a few. As she walked toward his mother's rare books, she was hit with a big wave of nostalgia.

" _This is my favorite book."_

 _"_ _The Great Gatsby_ _?"_

 _She nodded._

 _He smiled. "'So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.'"_

 _She chuckled. "You've read it."_

 _"Once or twice."_

' _A lot can change in a year,'_ she thought as she scanned the titles of the books that aligned the wall. She had found him attractive before that—how could she not? Lucas was smart, gorgeous, witty, but that night had changed her entire world. They had connected on a level that she had never been able to do with anyone else—not even with Maya. That one exchange with him had felt more intimate, more intense than she ever thought a conversation could possibly be. They almost had their first kiss that night. She would never be able to forget the goose bumps that peppered her arms as his lips brushed against hers. The electricity between them was nearly palpable, until Maya inadvertently interrupted them.

Riley chuckled softly as she turned away from the wall of books. She had to admit that she thought about that almost kiss a lot—even now, even when he was in Texas. They had taken the next step in their physical relationship on prom night, and while that was more incredible than anything she had ever read in a book, there was something special about that almost kiss—something that always sent a shiver down her spine.

When she heard the door creak open, she turned around. She knew at that moment that his father's study must have contained some form of magic, because there he stood—as if she had summoned him out of thin air.

When he took the first steps toward her, she thought that perhaps everything would be ok—that by being in the room that started it all they would somehow remember what it was that brought them together. When his steps started to become more like stumbles, her heart dropped. That's when it her: this wasn't a fairytale. A room wasn't going to magically fix everything that had sent their relationship into a tailspin. She crossed her arms over her chest when he took a swig of whatever was in the red solo cup in his hand.

"Having fun tonight," she asked as she watched him down the rest of the contents of the cup.

He sat the cup down on the coffee table before he looked up at her. "What are you doing in here?"

Riley flinched at the annoyance in his tone. She had never heard that from him before. "I went looking for you. I thought that…that maybe you came in here…to get away from everything going on out there," she gestured to the opened door.

Lucas looked over his shoulder at the doorway before he turned back to her. "Why would I do that? This is my party."

She slowly nodded. "Yeah. You're right. This is your party." For the last several months, her heart had engaged in a battle with her brain over the changing dynamic in her relationship with him. As the sight of him half-drunk and clearly annoyed with her began to find its way down to her heart, she knew that her brain had finally won. She couldn't deny it anymore. He had changed.

He narrowed his eyes. "What's your problem? It's not like you didn't know this was a party." Once again, she was judging him for doing exactly what he should be doing. He should be having a good time with his friends. He should be enjoying his college experience.

How had they gone from being completely in sync with one another to being unable to have any sort of conversation without it turning into an argument? "Yeah…I just thought that…that maybe…"

"That what?" He knew he sounded annoyed, but he couldn't help it. He had witnessed the breakup of nearly every other guy on the football team over the course of the season. Most of those breakups began because one or both of them began to hide things from the other. Was it a huge deal that she kept this from him? Yes, it was. It was the next four years of her life that she was planning out, and she didn't even consider him a big enough part of her life in order to talk to him about it? How could he dismiss that? At the same time, he felt like he had no right to get mad. It was her life. He had made his decision and now, she needed to make hers.

"Nothing," she dismissed as her eyes fell to the ground. "It's stupid."

He leaned his head back as he let out a loud groan. He could feel his frustration with her begin to boil over. It was one reason he invited over everyone he knew in the city. He didn't want to fight with her. He didn't want to feel like the bad guy anymore. He was trying his best to be with her, to fix whatever had fallen apart between them, but clearly, she wasn't willing to give him that chance. "Stop doing that."

The coldness in his tone nearly knocked the brunette off her feet. She could feel the frustration and resentment rolling off of him in waves. "Doing what?"

"That," he sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't want to fight with her anymore, but he couldn't stomach the idea of her keeping anything else from him, even an insignificant fleeting thought. "Stop keeping things from me." The fact that he had to tell her that made his stomach drop. They never kept anything from one another—not after the accident, not after they got back together.

"Lucas, it was just a stupid thought. What's the big deal?"

He slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. Did she not understand why he was upset? "It's not about what you were going to say."

"So, are you ready to talk about what happened in Philadelphia?" It wasn't the right time. It wasn't the right place. Over a hundred other people were filed into his parents' apartment. Any one of them could come in at any minute and interrupt them, but he was leaving the next morning. She knew that unless he wanted to continue this round of bickering, they had to talk about it here and now.

He didn't want to get into it there. He wanted to forget about it. He wanted to start over. But he knew he couldn't. He hadn't thought of anything else since her grandmother spilled Riley's secret. He knew it would only get worse if he left without telling her how he felt. "Why didn't you tell me about Juilliard? Don't tell me it's because I was busy with football or that you didn't want to bother me because we both know that's not what it was. You had several opportunities to tell me about it."

Here it was. They were going to talk about it—in the middle of a party in his father's study. She saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes, and she immediately felt like the worst person in the world. She felt even worse when she gave him the only answer she knew. "I don't know why."

Her words echoed in his mind as his cold gaze pierced into her. He had been afraid to ask her that question ever since he found out about Juilliard—petrified to learn the real reason why she would keep a life-altering decision from him. Now that he knew that she didn't know the reason why, he felt the last shred of his sanity snap. "There has to be a reason." There just had to be. Couples don't shut themselves out of one another's worlds like that without any reason.

"I don't know," she affirmed. Maya, Josh, everyone had asked her the same question, and she still wasn't exactly sure why she didn't. She thought it was because she didn't want him to worry about her or to add on to the list of things he was stressed about, but Lucas was right. Those weren't good reasons. This wasn't a small piece of news. This was everything she had been working towards for several months—and she kept him from knowing about it. "I…I realized after parent's weekend that I wanted to audition."

Parent's weekend. The weekend he had promised to be there, but couldn't because of his obligation to the football team. "So, was this a punishment for me not coming?" Had she kept it from him as some sort of payback for letting her down? It didn't seem like something his Riley would do, but he couldn't help but to notice that he hadn't seen _his_ Riley in a very long time. Someone new stood before him. She seemed like she could be the girl he fell in love with—if he could knock down the protective walls she seemed to have built up since he left.

"No. And I can't believe you'd think that. You know, I think I've been pretty understanding throughout the last six months…longer than that if you take into account that you changed your mind about schools when everything had already been set." She ran her fingers through her hair, but stopped as soon as she reached the back of her neck. She held her hand in place as she considered her next words. If he was going to release his resentments about her, then why shouldn't she? He didn't want her to hide anything from him, right? Her eyes ticked up to meet his. "Even though you didn't show up to one of the most important days in my life, I showed up to your game…a game you didn't even play in. I'd say that I've been more than supportive over your decisions."

Lucas swallowed. So, the truth was finally coming out. She did resent him. She resented the fact that he had to stay in Texas, that he had been busy, because he had an obligation to his team. His eyes fell to the ground. "I'm well aware of the fact that you flew 2000 miles for nothing, Riley. Thanks for the reminder." She had insisted for months that she understood why he couldn't be there, but now he knew that she didn't understand—that she was waiting to use his absence as an excuse to keep things hidden from him. She was using that one weekend to justify her decision to push him out of her life.

Riley furrowed her eyebrows as her eyes fell to the ground. She winced as she replayed her words. She didn't want this. She hated the fighting. She hated the resentment that had built up between them. This wasn't who they were. They weren't the kind of people who stored up slights against one another just to throw back at them when things got tough. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "That's not what I—"

"You know, since we're being honest, I didn't think it was that big of a deal that I missed parent's weekend." He knew he should back off. He knew that they needed to take a moment to breathe, but the alcohol that coursed through him wouldn't let him forget the jab she threw at him. He was hurt, and in his completely irrational and inebriated train of thought, he needed her to know exactly how it felt.

"What?" She had heard him. She knew exactly what he meant—the way her bottom lip quivered told her that much—but she had to hear it again. She didn't want to leave any room for a misunderstanding. Not about this.

If he had noticed the way she trembled or the way her eyes had began to water, maybe he would have been able to stop himself. Maybe he would have considered the consequences of trying to level the playing field. Maybe he would have realized that hurting one another wasn't the way to resolve their problems.

But he didn't see any of that. His eyes were glued to the floor; his brain completely hung up on the fact that she seemed to think it was a waste of time for her to fly to Texas to watch him sit on a bench for four quarters. "Parent's weekend. Dancing. I knew…I knew that you were going to be on stage for the first time since the accident, but I also thought that nothing was really going to come out of it."

"Excuse me?" Riley's entire body began to quake as a mixture of hurt and anger swirled within her. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't real. This had to be some sort of nightmare. Lucas would never think that, let alone say that to her. No. This was all some sort of horrible dream or some insane misunderstanding.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small part of him—the sober part—screamed at him that none of that was true, that he had always believed that she could do anything she set her mind to. Sure, the odds were stacked against her, but that didn't mean that she couldn't do it. That small part of his brain began to clear out the alcohol induced haze that led him into the biggest hole he could have possibly dug himself into. "The doctors said you might not even be able to walk again," he attempted to explain. "I didn't think that you'd have a complicated routine prepared. I thought it was more of a therapy thing…another step in your recovery. Dance one more time on stage before you finally moved on with your life."

Her mouth fell open as it felt like he had punched her in the stomach. "W-W-What," she sputtered.

Lucas crossed his arms as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He was quickly sobering up, and the anger that came along with it began to rapidly evaporate. What the hell was he saying to her?! That wasn't at all what he meant. "Riley, I didn't mean that the way it came out. I'm drunk, ok…and I got pissed when I found out about Juilliard from someone who wasn't you."

"I don't care," she yelled as her eyes widened. "You thought…this whole time…that I wouldn't come back from this. You…had no faith in me?"

Her voice cracked as she spoke. At the sound, he finally lifted his gaze up to her. When he saw the tears, the hurt that he had caused, he swore to himself that he would never touch another drop of alcohol for as long as he lived. She didn't deserve that. It wasn't even true. He said it to hurt her. He said it so she would know that her words had hurt him. When he saw the first tears spill over onto her cheeks, he hated who he had become. That wasn't who he was. He wasn't the type of person who would purposefully hurt the person he loved because she hurt him first. He started to walk towards her. "No. Riley, that's not what I meant."

When she noticed his movements, she quickly moved to the other side of the room. "Don't," she commanded him. She didn't want him to be anywhere near her. "You aren't going to come over here and try to sweep this under the rug by promising that you'll try to be better. It's not going to work this time."

"Riley, come on." He didn't listen to her request for him to stay away from her. As he inched closer to her, he knew that everything would be ok if they could just take a breath and really listen to one another. She had to understand that. "You know I didn't mean it. I'm just acting like a stupid drunk right now."

"And that's another thing! Why are you drinking? You told me in Texas that you never do this! You don't go to parties and you don't drink, but here you are. And I hate that I feel like I'm telling you what to do, but I can't stand it." Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't care to wipe them away. "I can't stand this." She swallowed. "I can't do this anymore Lucas. I…I have to go."

"No. Riley, come on. I did this for you. I did this for us. Please…stay. Let's talk this out-"

Her heart raced. She didn't want to stay. She didn't want to talk anything out right now. She wanted to get as far away from him as her legs could carry her. "For me? You threw a rager because you thought that's what I wanted? No. You know what I wanted…what I needed? I needed you to have faith in me…I needed you to believe the shit you were spouting to me about me being a phoenix…about me being strong enough to come back from the accident. I needed you there on parent's weekend. I needed to know that no matter how I did…even if I fell on my face or if I got hurt…that you would still be proud of me." She shook her head. "Some words you can't take back…and now I know that this whole time…you didn't think I could do it." Her lips formed a thin line as she walked toward the door. "I've got to get out of here before I say something I might regret."

Lucas quickly followed her. He couldn't let her leave. He couldn't let her believe that he actually meant what he had out of anger and stupidity. He did believe in her. He believed in her more than he believed in herself. He needed her to know that. He grabbed her elbow as he spun her towards him. As soon as she bumped into his chest, he pressed his lips to hers as the grandfather clock in the study began to chime.

The part of her that desperately wanted to cling onto him and never let him go relished the moment. In a different context, it would have been another perfect moment between them, but it was all just a smokescreen. She knew that now. She couldn't stay in this cycle to only hope for a few perfect moments in an otherwise toxic relationship. She had never come so close to letting him go. Her eyes opened as she pushed him back from her. She glanced at the clock before she looked back at him. "Happy New Year, Lucas," she said before she left the room. She had to get out of there in order to clear her mind and consider what step she needed to take next. Was it time to say goodbye to him for once and for all?

Lucas glanced at the clock. Midnight. He turned back toward the door. She was gone. "Dammit," he roared before he took off after her. He couldn't let her leave like that.

When he made it back to the crowded living room, he saw her comb her way through the crowd to get to the door. "Riley," he called out. "Riley, please don't leave. Please! I can't do this without you! Please! I'm sorry!"

The sound of the pulsating music drowned out his pleas as he tried to push through the throng of people in his living room. He watched helplessly as she left his parents' apartment without turning back or hesitating once. She was in such a hurry to get away from him that she didn't even stop to grab her coat.

* * *

Maya and Josh's mouths fell open after Lucas told them what happened. The three of them had managed to get everyone out of the apartment about twenty minutes after Riley had left. He didn't care about the stupid party anymore. He didn't care if he never saw any of those people again. The only person he wanted there had left—all because he decided to do the one thing he swore he'd never do…intentionally hurt her.

"You're a dumbass," Maya shouted before she stood up and reached for her cell phone from her back pocket.

"She won't pick up for me," he told her.

"Are you really surprised by that," she bit back at him as she quickly dialed her best friend's number. She held the phone up to her ear as she walked out of the room.

Lucas looked at the row of red solo cups on the coffee table in front of him. He thought the party would be a good idea. He thought he could recreate what had brought them together, but as he stared at the cups in front of him, he realized that all she wanted was him. She would have been fine with a quiet evening alone. She would have been fine as long as they had found some way to calmly work out what had been missing from their relationship. Lucas quickly stood up as he swept his arm across the entire table of cups, knocking them all off the table. "I really screwed everything up."

"Yeah, you did," Josh sighed, unfazed by the outburst of anger from his best friend. He was trying to keep his own emotions in check. That was his little sister. The first instinct he had ever developed was the one to protect her—always. Lucas was his best friend and while he knew that he didn't mean what he had said, he still hurt his sister. Josh was never a violent person, but it was taking a lot of self-control on his part not to punch Lucas square in the jaw for what he said.

"I didn't mean it," he groaned. "God…when I found out about Juilliard from your grandmother, I just…shut down. I know what Juilliard meant to her. And as far as I knew, she hadn't even considered it a possibility again. I didn't know how quickly she had rebound from the accident."

"You saw the video from that weekend. You even told me that you couldn't tell a difference between last year and this year."

"I couldn't! I was so proud of her…you know that. And I would've been there either way if I could. I just didn't think she'd recover that quickly, let alone consider Juilliard as a possibility again." He fell back in the seat. "Have I lost her Josh?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "What I do know is that if you want to be with her, you need to start by supporting her. That's what she needs right now…especially over the next few months."

"She's home," Maya told them when she came back in the living room. "I'm going over there now."

"I'll come with you," Josh said as he stood up. When Lucas stood up as well, Josh held up a hand to stop whatever he was about to say. "No. She's not going to want to see you right now."

"But I need to fix this before I leave."

"What you need to do is put her first," Josh instructed. "If you still love her, if you still want to be with her, you need to know that right now, she needs some space."

"I can't go back knowing that she thinks I don't believe in her."

"You're going to have to," Maya grounded out. "Because I'm not going to let you see her until she says she's ready to talk to you."

It went against every instinct he had, but he knew he had to stay there. "Tell her that I love her. And that whenever she's ready to talk, I'll be there. Any time…day or night. I'm not giving up on us. I can't give up."


	12. Chapter Eleven

_**A/N: I've placed a warning on this story before, but I want to reiterate that there is an eating disorder trigger warning for this entire fic.**_

 _ **Thank you all for the continued feedback on this piece. I know that the last few chapters have been a little emotional. Having said that, I want to let you know that most of this fic is set up to be that way. So, if that's not your thing, I get it. I just felt that I needed to warn you that there isn't a quick fix to the issues presented in this story.**_

* * *

Chapter Eleven

Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks. Riley tried to keep her mind off of him, off of the fight that may or may not have ended their relationship. She threw herself into the one thing she thought she could control: dance. She stayed later and later after practice with the excuse of trying to work on the choreography of the two classes she taught, but in reality, she spent that time trying to construct her audition piece.

She had a lot of work to do before her audition at the end of the following month. She found the right song two days after the fiasco at Lucas's parents' house. Looking back on it, she was surprised it took her that long since she had basically shoved her headphones over her ears the moment she reached her room that night. It was the only way to drown out the phone calls and text messages. It was the only way to avoid the thousands of questions directed at her—none of which she knew the answers to.

She completely withdrew herself from the world around her. She relaxed slightly the morning after the party, but only because she knew that he wouldn't show up at her apartment. He had left the city. She was sure of it only because her brother dropped him off at the airport. Josh tried to get her to go with him, to speak to Lucas, but she refused. She knew she couldn't talk to him until she could figure out what exactly she wanted to say.

Two weeks later and she hadn't answered a single message from him. She didn't watch his bowl game and didn't send him a congratulation message when A&M won. She wasn't ready. So, she stayed at the studio as she listened to her audition song over and over again, determined to create the perfect choreography to match the emotional tone of the song.

Juilliard. The dream she once swore was no longer her dream now occupied most of her waking thoughts. She was grateful for that because she didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to sit still for one moment because as soon as she did, their fight would replay in her mind. He basically admitted to her that he didn't believe in her. This entire time, when she thought that she could do anything—largely in part because of his confidence in her—he actually thought that she wouldn't be able to bounce back from the accident. Just the thought of it made her head spin, so instead of wallowing in his betrayal, she tried to channel that emotionality in her choreography. Dancing was the only time her mind allowed her a reprieve from thinking about her estranged boyfriend.

He called. He texted. He left her so many voicemails that her mailbox had completely filled up, but she hadn't returned any of them. Their fight had awakened every insecurity she thought she had conquered after the accident. Maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought she was? Maybe she hadn't grown at all? Maybe she was still the scared little girl who thought she would never be enough. Maybe she was exactly the person he really thought of her as.

No. No, she was stronger than that. She was going to prove him wrong. She was going to get into Juilliard.

As she worked on her pirouettes, her mind kept drifting back to him. She knew she couldn't avoid him forever. She didn't want to avoid him. Despite their argument, and the hurtful things he had said, she still loved him. Deep down she knew that he didn't mean those things. He was drunk and upset over the stupid things she said. She knew that the guy who told her he didn't believe in her wasn't the real Lucas. She knew that he was frustrated with their separation, with the fact that they were 2000 miles away from one another, with the fact that no matter how hard they had tried to fix things with one another, it all continued to fall apart.

As Riley spun around, she couldn't help but to feel her own resentment resurface. It wasn't her fault that a few time zones separated them. It was his fault. He's the one who went to school in Texas. He was the one who decided to play college football instead of staying in the city to be closer to his friends and to her. He decided all of that, and despite her disappointment, she supported him. She even encouraged him to pursue his dreams since he had been supportive of her efforts to get back into ballet.

Or so she thought.

She stopped suddenly, breathless as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. As she tried to steady her ragged breaths, she realized that was why she hadn't answered his messages. She didn't know how to or what good it would actually do. She knew that it would only lead to another fight, another misunderstanding. She knew she couldn't avoid him forever, but she honestly didn't know how to approach him anymore. Was this what distance did? Did it rip people apart? Did it slowly kill the love two people had for one another?

They had come so far—together. They had survived so much—together. The thought of it all falling apart like this-for them to become some stereotype-drove her to brink of madness. She thought they were stronger than that. She thought that maybe, just maybe, they were meant for one another…that nothing could tear them apart.

It's crazy how much can change in six months.

Maybe now she knew the answer to one of life's saddest questions: How long does it take to destroy love?

She sighed as she walked to the front of the studio to grab her stuff. It was nearly 10:00 and she knew she had to go home and face another Friday night alone. Maya was out with Josh and while she offered to spend the night with Riley, the brunette declined. Maya and Josh shouldn't sacrifice their time together just because she was alone.

* * *

He knew she wouldn't pick up. He knew it, and yet, here he was, two weeks after their fight, desperate to hear her voice, to see a message from her—anything to know that their fight wasn't the end of them.

The argument was his fault. He knew it the moment she walked out of his parents' apartment, but instead of running after her, he did what Josh and Maya asked him to do: he stayed still. He gave her space. He left the city.

His stupid, stupid pride did this. His drunken need to level the playing field—to make her feel just as hurt as he was—did this. That wasn't who he was. That wasn't who he wanted to be. He knew his past would someday creep up into their lives, but he never thought he would deliberately set out to hurt her. God. He intentionally hurt the one person he cared about more than anyone or anything else. He thought he had a better grip on his anger than that.

So now, a little over two weeks later, he still hadn't heard a word from her. The only reason he knew that nothing bad had happened to her was because of Josh. He didn't want to put Riley's brother in the middle of their fight, especially because he knew exactly whose side Josh was already on, but he couldn't help but to constantly ask his best friend how she was doing.

"Please pick up," he mumbled as he held the phone up to his ear. "Please, please, please," he repeated. When he heard the automated voicemail system tell him that her mailbox was full, he hung up. "Damn it," he swore as he threw his phone across the room. He couldn't stand this. He was trying to give her space, but as the minutes slowly ticked by, his grip on his own sanity seemed to slip away. He wanted to fly back to New York and stay until she talked to him. He never should have left. Screw football. Screw school. All he wanted was her.

"Woah," the starting quarterback of the football team chuckled after he successfully dodged the flying phone, which crashed into the wall beside the door. "You ok, Friar?"

Lucas sighed as he turned to his friend. "Yeah. She's still…she's not talking to me, Tate."

"Women," the older guy bent down to pick up the phone. "Good thing you have a good case on this thing," he commented when he noticed that the phone was still perfectly intact. He tossed it to the freshman. "Come on. We're having the end of the season party tonight. It'll be good for you to take your mind off of everything for a while."

"No," Lucas looked down at the phone. "You know I'm not really into all that. Besides, the last party I went to didn't…it didn't go that well. It's why I'm in this mess to begin with."

"The whole team is going to be there," Tate reasoned. "And you're going to be the first string quarterback next year. Dude, you played two games this year when I was out with a concussion. Come on. You need to bond with the guys."

Lucas considered it for a moment. Nothing had changed in two weeks. He knew the odds of her actually calling him back in the next few hours were slim. Besides, he'd have his phone with him in the off chance that she did decide to break her radio silence. "You're right," he finally said. _'The flowers were delivered this afternoon. She had to have gotten them by now. It's almost 10. Maybe she really does need me to leave her alone.'_ He looked down at his phone once more. The fight and her refusal to talk to him were driving him insane. "I need a break from this."

* * *

As Riley made her way through the dark apartment, she was grateful that her parents had gone to Philadelphia for the weekend. As much as she didn't want to be alone, being home with her parents seemed like an even worse idea. They tried their best to divert her attention away from her melancholy, but the more they attempted to distract her, the more she thought about him. Everywhere they offered to take her reminded her of him. Every movie they watched together reminded her of him. Even the restaurants they went to seemed to be filled with memories of him—even if she and Lucas had never dined there before.

Maybe it was hopeless. Maybe she was doomed to think about him until she answered his messages and faced the reality that maybe they were kidding themselves when they promised one another that they would survive the distance.

As she turned on the light in her bedroom, she noticed a bouquet of red roses on her desk. She furrowed her eyebrows as she sat her bag down and approached the arrangement. She reached for card attached to it:

 _"'And I'd choose you;_

 _in a hundred lifetimes,_

 _in a hundred worlds,_

 _in any version of reality;_

 _I'd find you and_

 _I'd choose you.'_

 _Please forgive me, Riley. I'm miserable without you._

 _Love,_ _Lucas"_

Riley read the card three more times before she let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding _. 'Maybe he hasn't changed that much,'_ she thought as she walked over to her bed. She sat down at the foot of it as she stared at the arrangement. _'Maybe he's just as frustrated about everything like I am.'_ She looked at the card one last time before she finally reached for her phone. While his words had shattered her confidence, she knew that she wasn't completely innocent in their argument. She knew her snide comment about going to Texas to watch him warm the bench was what prompted her inebriated boyfriend to cut her down.

She cradled the device between her ear and shoulder as she shrugged out of her jacket. They needed to talk. No matter what would come of it, she knew they couldn't remain in the same holding pattern forever. Her heart pounded as she waited for him to pick up. She frowned when she heard loud thumping music in the background as someone answered the phone with a "yeah, who's this?"

"Umm…it's Riley. Is…Lucas there?"

"Lucas," the strange voice slurred out. "I don't know a Lucas."

Riley pinched the bridge of her nose with her index finger and her thumb. She could tell that whoever had answered her boyfriend's phone was drunk. "Lucas Friar. The guy's phone you answered."

"Oh," the voice yelled out. "Yeah, I know Friar! He's our second string quarterback."

"Yeah," Riley answered as she threw her head back to stare at the ceiling. "I know that. Where is he?"

"Oh, Friar? Yeah, he's out on a beer run with Jess!"

Riley slowly lowered her head as the drunken guy's words rang in her ears. Beer run? Jess? She was afraid to ask, but had to. "Who's Jess?" She didn't remember meeting a Jess when she went to Texas, but then again, she had met a ton of people within the span of a few days.

"Oh Jess? Jess is a hot little brunette cheerleader. Yeah, I'm not sure we should've sent him with her. They might not come back, if you know what I mean."

Riley's eyes widened as she felt all of the air in the room evaporate. Suddenly, she remembered the brunette. She was one of the girls who couldn't tear her eyes away from Lucas when he introduced Riley to them. Riley's lungs burned as a thousand different scenarios ran through her weary mind. None of those scenarios ended well for her. "Ok. Thanks."

"Yeah, sorry honey. You know how it is…the guy is on the football team. He can't stick with just one girl, you know?"

Riley nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I'm starting to learn that."

"I'll tell him you called though. What's your name again?"

Riley opened her mouth to answer him, but paused. "Never mind," she said. "Thanks." She hung up before the voice on the other end could reply. She looked at the bouquet on her desk as she replayed the conversation in her mind. Lucas. Lucas Friar. Yeah. The guy even mentioned the fact that he was the second string quarterback for the football team. So, it wasn't a case of mistaken identity.

Lucas went on a beer run? Riley looked down at the phone, which she still gripped in her right hand. Josh had informed her that Lucas swore to him that he'd never drink or party like that again. He told her that Lucas had basically isolated himself from everyone because he was so upset about how he acted at his New Year's party.

But, he was at a party now. Well, technically he was on a beer run with Jess.

Her eyes slowly drifted over to the card in her left hand. Her Lucas, the one she fell in love with, quoted 'The Chaos of Stars" and pleaded with her to talk to him. She thought about all the messages he left. He seemed just as upset as she did about the fight, but she wasn't out partying with a bunch of jocks and cheerleaders. She was home. She was reliving their last conversation over and over again, trying to figure out where they went wrong—where she failed him. Meanwhile, he was out on a beer run—with another girl. A girl who, according to her informative drunk friend, was extremely attractive and available. Was this what guys did in college? Did they forget all about their girlfriends while they were away, and only wanted them when they came home or when it was convenient for them?

She never would've guessed that he was like that, but she also never thought that his weekends in Texas would be spent at drunken parties and that he would, somehow, be the one to supply the alcohol.

She gripped the phone a little tighter as she stood up and walked toward the flowers that now only seemed to be a harsh reminder of everything she once had with him. She sat her phone on the desk as she ran her fingertips across the petals of the deep red roses. She bit her bottom lip as she picked up the bouquet and threw them in the trash. She ripped the note in two before she tossed it on top of the flowers.

She swallowed harshly as she wandered into the bathroom. When she looked up at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn't help the self-deprecating thoughts that quickly bombarded her. _'You were stupid to think you could keep him. Look at you. Damaged. Broken. You aren't any better than you were a year ago. You're still the scared little girl who can't control anything in her world. Why would he want to be with you? You're nothing. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he didn't believe that I could do this. Why would he?'_

Tears welled in her eyes as her brain continued its rapid attack of harsh self-criticism. She knew she was plummeting back into who she used to be, who she swore she'd never be again, but she couldn't help it. She never felt more alone-even when she thought she lost everyone after the accident.

"There's only been one constant in your life," she finally spoke to the stranger who stared back at her. "And you almost gave it up." She shook her head as tears cascaded down her cheeks _. 'I can't control him,'_ she thought, _'but I can control my future. My future is what I want it to be…and I want to dance. I want Juilliard.'_

She slowly turned to the side as she examined herself. _'Ten pounds,'_ she quickly assessed _. 'I just need to lose ten pounds and then they won't think I look like a beached whale.'_ She looked back up into her own eyes. Her vision had blurred considerably as the tears wouldn't stop falling from her eyes. "I know my limit," she whispered. "I know when to stop."

She looked down as she reached for her toothbrush. She closed her eyes as she opened her mouth and stuck the end of the toothbrush down her throat. It only took her a moment to gag. She quickly moved to the toilet where she emptied the contents of her stomach.

As soon as she stopped heaving, she slid down to the floor as she sobbed. _'I'm sorry,'_ she told herself repeatedly as she curled up into a ball on the cold tile floor. _'Just ten pounds. This is for your future. This is in order for you to achieve your dream. It's all you have left.'_

The tears didn't stop as she laid on the floor. She knew this was the beginning of a spiral, but the worst part was that she didn't care. She wanted to talk to Lucas, but that wasn't possible now. No. She had to keep this secret, and do a better job than last time. It was only ten pounds. No one would understand. Not even him-especially not him.

* * *

She wasn't sure how long she laid there. There was no concept of time for people who bawled their eyes out while curled up on the bathroom floor. God, had she actually done it? She had justified her modified eating habits for the last few months by telling herself that it was because she was busy with dance or simply not hungry, but there was no excuse for this. There was nothing she could say to convince herself that this wasn't exactly what it was.

As much as she hated throwing up, she strangely felt better after doing it. All of the stress, the worry, the frustration had boiled over and for a few moments, she felt a little relief from it all. She knew it was dangerous. She knew that a year of healing had been thrown out the window, but she didn't care.

She wiped her eyes as she forced herself to finally stand up. She took a shaky breath as she reached for her toothbrush once more in order to brush her teeth. "Two months…long enough to get through the audition," she told herself before she began to brush her teeth. _'Then it ends…for once and for all.'_

When she heard the door in the living room open and close, she quickly finished brushing her teeth. She checked her reflection one last time as she wiped away the last of the tears that had taken up a temporary residence in her eyelashes. She darted back to her bedroom in order to change her clothes when she heard Maya and Josh come up the stairs.

She had barely grabbed a book and climbed into bed when she heard the door open.

"Hey," Maya greeted as the couple entered Riley's room.

"Hey," Riley softly smiled as she looked up from the book. Her first lie in this new world. She didn't want to smile. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to break something. The last thing she wanted to do was pretend that everything was ok, but that was exactly what she had to do. They couldn't know. They wouldn't understand. "How was the date?"

"Good," Josh said as he leaned against the doorway. He could tell that something was a little off with his sister. She seemed disoriented. "How was your night?"

Riley couldn't shake the idea that her brother had immediately seen through her façade. Her eyes fell down to the book in her lap. "Good. I…got a lot done at the studio."

"Oh yeah?" He leaned his head against the door as his gaze never wavered from her. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact with him. Had something happened? Did she talk to Lucas? "How's that audition piece coming along?"

"It's coming." She let out a soft chuckle that made her internally scream. "Got the song and I'm fumbling through choreography ideas right now."

Maya's eyes slowly drifted over to Riley's desk as the brunette spoke with her brother. She quickly noticed the flowers in her trashcan. "What's that," she asked as she walked toward the roses.

Riley's smiled faltered. "Ummm…they're flowers."

Maya glanced at Josh before she turned back to her best friend. "I see that. Why are they in the trashcan?"

"Because…they were sent by mistake."


	13. Chapter Twelve

_**A/N: *deep breath* Ok. I hope that even though the show is over (whether it be for now or permanently remains to be seen) that you'll still read this. Thank you all for the feedback from the last chapter. Once again, Riley has been battling an eating disorder, so there is a trigger warning on this entire fic for that.**_

* * *

Chapter Twelve

Riley closed her eyes as the introduction of the song began. This was the first time she was showing anyone the choreography she was working on for her audition. She had to admit she was nervous, but wasn't exactly sure why. She was only showing it to Charlie. She knew he would never laugh at her if she messed up or had a clunky transition. He knew she was still at the beginning stages of pulling this piece together. That's why she was showing it to him. She needed someone to watch her, to advise her on what looked solid and what needed work.

She raised her arms over her head as the introduction drew to a close. She took a deep breath as her eyes opened and she began to move.

She knew Charlie was in the room and that he had a watchful eye on her movements, but for Riley, whenever she listened to this song, the whole world vanished. It was simply her reacting to the lyrics and melody. It was her release. It was her haven.

It had become her safe place—her refuge from the war her body constantly raged within her. It had only been a few days since she finally gave into the urge she had fought off for over a year, but it felt like it had been years. She didn't call him again. In fact, the next morning she blocked his number when she discovered that she had no missed calls or messages from him. Had he spent the entire night with her? Was it so incredible that he didn't care that he left his phone at the party? She felt nauseous at the thought of him wrapped up with that cheerleader. When she finally got out of bed, she found herself completely enthralled by the roses in her trashcan. The only way she could stop herself from staring at them was to take them to the dumpster. They were really pretty roses, but whenever she looked at them, her heart stopped.

She wasn't sure she took a breath as she slid into a split on the ground and rolled onto her back. She kicked her legs up as she abruptly spun around into a sitting position. She shifted her weight to her right knee as she kicked her left leg up. Her right leg soon followed before she slid back down to the ground on her stomach. In one fluid motion, she sat up with her knees under her. She smacked her hands on either side of the floor underneath her before she jumped back to her feet.

Two months ago, she couldn't do any of those things. It was truly incredible the progress she had made after she got back from Texas.

As the music continued to play, she walked over to the stereo to turn it off. She slowly turned to him. "That's all I have so far."

Charlie was shell-shocked. Had he really just witnessed that from her? "How," he finally asked.

Riley frowned. "How what?" She turned to the mirror. "Was it terrible?"

He shook his head. He had worked with her for the last several months. He knew that she was ready for the audition, but he didn't realize how advanced she really was. He knew she was putting in extra time at the studio, but still, it was pretty unbelievable. "How did you do all that? You couldn't possibly be the same girl who hobbled in here all angry six months ago because you knew you wouldn't be able to come back at full strength."

She stared at her reflection as her eyes fell to her right leg. "I'm not at full strength." She cringed slightly as she tried to stretch the aching limb. She wasn't quite used to executing splits like that yet, but she had a little over a month to get her body used to them again.

"You could've fooled me," he chuckled. "Damn Riley. If the rest of your routine is like that, then Juilliard isn't going to have any other choice but to admit you."

A smile slowly formed on her face, the first genuine one since Christmas. "You really think so?"

"Absolutely. How does it feel to be back?"

She let out a breath. "Good." The rest of her world was falling apart, but if she could make this happen, then everything else would fall into place, wouldn't it?

* * *

As soon as his phone was charged up enough to turn on, Lucas checked his voicemail. Nothing. He scanned the text messages he had received over the last five days. Nothing from her. Finally, he checked his call log. He froze when he saw her name under his recent calls. He checked the details of the call. It lasted for two and a half minutes.

He quickly dialed her number. "Come on Riles," he murmured as he impatiently drummed his fingers on his desk. "Please pick up."

He expected to hear that now all too familiar message about her mailbox being full, but instead he heard something new. He frowned when he heard an automated message from her cell phone service indicating that she had blocked his number. "What the—" He hung up and quickly called his best friend. He had no idea what was going on or what had happened. Had she really blocked his number? That couldn't be right. It didn't make any sense. His heart dropped into his stomach. This had to be some insane misunderstanding.

"Hello," Josh answered as he strolled across NYU's main campus. He had about ten minutes before his economics class started, but as soon as he saw who was calling him, Josh had a feeling he might be a little late.

"Josh…hey. It's Lucas." How do you begin to ask your best friend about what his sister was doing? He tried to keep Josh out of their relationship the best he could, but this was different. This wasn't some small argument. Riley had blocked him and he had no idea why.

"Yeah, I figured when your name flashed on the screen." He found an empty bench in front of the building and sat down as he sighed. "What's up?"

Lucas couldn't hide the panic in his tone. "Where are you? At home? Is she there?"

"I'm on campus," Josh answered as he frowned. What was going on with them? He knew that if Maya were around, she'd die to know what was going on, but not him. When Lucas and Riley began dating, he made it a point to let both of them know that he wasn't going to get involved. Of course when his little sister came to him for advice, he'd gladly give it, but he wasn't going to pick sides. He informed Riley that he would never ask her to choose between Maya and him, so it was only fair that it went both ways. She whole-heartedly agreed. "She's at dance. Honestly man, even if I was with her, you know I wouldn't get involved. She'll talk to you when she's ready to."

"That's just it. She called me Friday night." He stood up as he began to pace around his dorm room. He couldn't sit still. He had to know what happened.

Josh frowned. Riley hadn't mentioned it to them when he and Maya got back from their date that night. "She did? Well, how did it go?"

Lucas threw his free hand up in the air as his frustration with the whole situation finally overtook him. "I don't know!" He rubbed the back of his neck as he forced himself to reign in his emotions. None of this was Josh's fault, and he was his only real link to her. He needed to figure out what happened and Josh was the one person who could help him. "I lost my phone that night, but she talked to someone for over two minutes."

Josh had no clue what he was talking about. "You lost your phone?"

Lucas paused. He knew if there was a chance for Josh to help him out, he had to tell him everything. "There was this party…"

Josh pulled the phone from his ear as he stared at it. He must have misheard him. Lucas had been trying to get in contact with Riley for weeks—ever since the fiasco at New Year's—did he really just tell him that he went to some party? No wonder she wouldn't speak to him. Josh put the phone back to his ear as he shook his head. "Are you kidding me right now? Didn't you tell me a few weeks ago that you were never going to another one of those things again?"

"Hear me out," he practically begged. "It was the end of the season party. Tate Sanders, the first string quarterback, talked me into going by saying that I needed to bond a little more with the guys before next season. I only went to make an appearance. I didn't drink anything, I swear. I lost my phone in the ten minutes I was there." It was ridiculous. He had the phone in his hand. He sat it down long enough to toss a football to one of his teammates. When he reached for it again, it was gone.

Josh closed his eyes as he tried to think about his conversation with Riley that night. Nothing really seemed out of place. She did seem to be a little disoriented though. Was it because she tried to call him? He suddenly opened his eyes when he remembered one other detail. "Wait…did you send her flowers?"

Lucas's heart sped up. Were they finally getting somewhere? "Yes. I sent them Friday. Did she get them?"

Josh looked up at the crystal blue sky above him as he briefly considered not telling Lucas exactly what happened with the flowers, but he knew that if the roles were reversed, he'd want to know everything about what Maya did. "Yeah…yeah she got them." He paused. "Maya and I saw them when we got back to the apartment from the movies."

Ok, she got the flowers. So, maybe this whole thing was some accident. Maybe her phone company had a glitch or something? He felt his confidence begin to increase. "So, she liked them?"

Josh could tell that his best friend was smiling on the other end of the line. He really didn't want to tell him, but knew he had to. "Umm…well…you see…they sort of ended up in the trash can."

Lucas dropped his head in defeat. It wasn't an accident or some sort of glitch. His girlfriend threw away the flowers he had sent her. She blocked his phone number. She wanted nothing to do with him. "She trashed them."

"Yeah…yeah she told us they got sent to her by mistake." He hated this—for both of them. It seemed like they were entangled in one huge misunderstanding for the last six months. He had no idea what was going on with him, and as much as he wanted to stay out of it, he also wanted both of them to be happy.

Lucas couldn't help the bitter chuckle that escaped him. "I should just stop trying, shouldn't I?" He rubbed his chest as he felt his heart beat rapidly. Even as he said the worlds, he knew he couldn't do that. It was Riley they were talking about. He could never give up on her.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "This is all new for me…you're her first boyfriend." Josh paused as he tried to piece together the events of that night. "Wait. You said that you lost your phone at the party, right? Well…maybe someone answered it when she tried to call you? Maybe…maybe she got the flowers and called to talk to you but someone else answered it."

"And it made everything worse so she trashed them," Lucas fell back into his desk chair as he leaned his head back. It made more sense than anything else he could possibly think of, but it also meant that they had another misunderstanding that they needed to work through. The problem was that he was in Texas, she was in New York, and she had blocked him from all communication. Lucas finally sighed as he lifted his head. "Is this ever going to end, man?"

"What?"

Lucas leaned forward in his seat as he rubbed his forehead. "It's like everything…fate…destiny…whatever…is trying to keep us apart."

"Seems like it." Josh sighed. "Look, I told you when you started dating her that I wasn't going to get in the middle of stuff like this, but can I just say one thing?"

"Please," he begged. "I'm open to anything at this point."

"You screwed it up. We both know that. But she tried to call you. That means she still cares about you…about fixing this. So, if I were you, I wouldn't give up." All he wanted was for them to be happy. He needed them to be happy. It was his best friend and his little sister. If that meant working through this, then that's what they needed to do. If it meant moving on, then he knew it would be rough, but he'd be there for both of them every step of the way. They couldn't stay in this pattern. It was destroying them both.

Lucas lifted his head. "You wouldn't?"

"You don't give up on the people you love." A small smile formed at the corners of his lips. "My dad taught me that." He shook his head _. 'I guess I really was listening.'_ "I don't know what it's going to take, but you need to do something. If you love her, if you really love her, you'll figure it out."

"Thanks man."

"No problem," Josh stood up as he walked up the stairs of the building. "Oh. And Lucas?"

"Yeah?"

He opened the door as he walked inside. "I'm pulling for you."

"Thanks Josh."

After he hung up with Josh, Lucas sat his phone down on his desk as he turned to his computer. He closed his eyes as he wracked his brain to think of something that would show her that he wasn't the drunken bastard she thought he was. He glanced up at his calendar. The last thing he wanted to do was to push her further away, but he knew that he was rapidly losing her.

That's when it hit him.

* * *

Josh took a deep breath before he opened the front door. He knew he was going to risk her wrath, but he had to figure this out. He had heard Lucas's side of it all. Now, it was time to hear Riley's and try to piece together what really happened Friday night. As he opened the door, he noticed his sister sat at the kitchen table completely surrounded by paper and her textbooks. "Hey sis," Josh greeted as he strolled into the living room.

"Hey," she replied as she briefly looked up from her homework. Her eyes fell back down as she flipped through her anatomy book. "What are you doing here? It's not laundry day."

"Haha," he sarcastically answered as he walked into the kitchen. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Riley froze. Had he figured it out? She thought she had been more careful this time. It had only been five days since her first purge. There was no way he had figured it out. He didn't even live with her anymore. She hadn't even seen him since the night she first did it. She held her breath as she looked up at him. "What is it?"

He let out a long breath as he sat down on the opposite side of the table. "It's about Lucas."

Her gaze slowly fell back to the book in front of her. She couldn't even begin to talk about all that with him. She had to get all of her homework done within the next few hours. She had to be at the studio by 7:00, and the last thing she wanted was to worry about her stupid anatomy homework while she worked on her audition piece. "Josh, I thought we agreed that—"

"You tried to call him the other night, didn't you?" He didn't want to get involved any more than she wanted him too, but something wasn't quite adding up.

She began to twirl her pen around her fingers. So, he hadn't figured out that she had completely fallen back into her eating disorder. Instead, he found out about her other moment of weakness that night. "It was a mistake," she said softly. For a moment she got swept up in the beauty of the flowers and the exquisite words that accompanied them. She crashed back into reality after that phone call with her new drunk friend in Texas. Lucas hadn't changed. If anything, he was even worse than at New Years. She was a fool to believe anything had changed _. 'That's the best thing a girl can be in this world…a beautiful little fool,'_ she thought to herself. Gatsby. It was always Gatsby. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she, like Jay Gatsby, was living in the past.

He noticed the faraway look in her eyes. He knew his sister better than he knew anyone. She still loved Lucas. If this was some sort of misunderstanding, which Josh believed it to be, then he had to fix it. "You talked to whoever answered for two and a half minutes...so, I have to wonder…who were you talking to?"

She shrugged. She honestly had no idea who it was that she talked to. All she knew was that Lucas was there, but he left—with another girl—to go on a beer run and they may, or may not, have shown back up. Since he hadn't returned her call, Riley assumed that he hadn't shown back up at the party, which meant he spent the entire night with another girl. Her stomach turned. Just the thought made her want to throw up. She could easily purge at that moment, but knew her brother would only get suspicious if she suddenly left the room.

"You don't know?"

She lightly tapped her pen on her book. Why was he even asking her about this? She thought they promised one another to not get involved. She couldn't handle this right now. She had an audition to prepare for, not to mention the fact that she had to finish up her senior year of high school. Still, she knew he wouldn't leave her alone until she answered him. "Some drunk guy who had his phone."

Josh rested his elbows on the table as he clasped his hands together. "What did he say?"

Riley sat the pen down as she looked up at her brother. She didn't want to talk about this. Couldn't he tell that she was in the middle of her homework? "Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters, Riley. He called me a little while ago…told me that he lost his phone that night. By the time he found it and got enough of a charge back, he saw where you called him."

"So he says," she muttered.

"What?"

Riley bit the inside of her cheek. Why was he doing this? She had spent the last few days trying to get that conversation out of her mind and here her brother was, forcing her to relive it. "Did you ever consider the alternative? That he might be lying to you about losing his phone?"

Josh frowned. "What happened?"

"Someone answered the phone…one of his teammates I guess…I don't know. I asked where he was. The guy said that Lucas left…that he went on a beer run…with one of the cheerleaders on the football team." She paused. "The guy seemed fairly certain that they wouldn't be back anytime soon." She chuckled as she picked up her pen once more. "I guess he was right considering its five days later and he's finally getting around to calling people back." She looked back down at her anatomy book. She knew her brother wouldn't drop the subject that quickly, but she needed the distraction. She didn't want to breakdown again. She didn't want to cry over him anymore.

Josh watched her for a long moment before he responded. "You honestly believe that he would cheat on you?" It was insane. That wasn't Lucas. Lucas had been in love with Riley the moment he first saw her. Everyone knew it—except Riley. The distance had somehow warped her perception of their relationship. Sure, Lucas hadn't helped matters, but she had to know that he loved her, right?

"I honestly believed that he thought I'd come back from that broken leg." She shrugged as her eyes remained glued to the diagram of the respiratory system, which sat in front of her. It was ironic, because she was having a hard time catching her breath as the memory of his spiteful words echoed through her mind.

"Riley, you know he didn't mean it like that."

She cut her eyes to him. "Josh, you weren't there."

"And you weren't there with him in Texas the other night. You don't know what really happened. You're taking the word of a drunk guy you don't even know."

"He's changed, Josh."

"So have you, Riley." All of them had changed. It was a part of growing up. They couldn't stay in their own protective bubble anymore. They had all outgrown it. Riley wasn't the same warm spirit he had always known. The accident had changed her in so many ways. He was still trying to get to know this version of her, but it was difficult. She seemed so closed off most of the time. It surprised him when she opened up to him at Christmas. He had hoped that it would be the beginning of a new closeness in their relationship, but as he listened to her now, he realized that those conversations would be a rarity, and not the new norm.

"You know what. You're right. I have changed." She stood up as she slammed her book closed. She had changed. She wasn't an innocent anymore. The last year saw to that. She saw the world for what it was now, not for what she wanted it to be. "I'm a lot stronger than I used to be."

"Riley, you need to talk to him."

"I can't do that right now. I thought I could the other night, but…I have no idea what to say to him." She gathered all of her books and papers together. "Now, if you're done with the lecture, I have to get ready to go to the studio."


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

He should've called first, but when he really thought about it, he realized that it wouldn't have done anything. He still hadn't talked to her since she left his parents' house that night. She still blocked his number, and he really didn't want to drag anyone else into it. He told Josh that he'd leave College Station then and there if he thought it would help anything. After Josh told him about Riley's phone conversation with someone at the party, he told Lucas to stay there, that she needed some time to process it all. He informed the Texan that she was stressed out about school and her audition, so now wasn't the best time for a big sweeping romantic gesture.

Lucas spent the following few weeks trying to figure out who had his phone at the party, who told Riley that he was out with another girl. He needed answers before he killed whoever it was.

He enlisted Tate's help. The two of them asked the entire offensive roster if they saw anything or knew about it. When they figured out that none of them knew or saw anything, they moved on to the defense. Lucas knew it was a long shot, but he had to know everything he could. Nothing had happened with Jess and they weren't even on a beer run. She was drunk and was leaving to drive home when he and Tate showed up. He drove her car home then walked back to his own dorm. That was all it was.

Unfortunately for him and fortunately for whoever talked to Riley, no new information ever turned up. He had no idea who answered his phone, and truthfully, whoever it was probably didn't remember. The frustration Lucas felt over the whole thing only intensified the longer he hadn't heard from his girlfriend.

Was she still his girlfriend?

Were they even together?

To him, they were, but it wasn't exactly up to him.

Lucas tried to text her despite the fact that he knew she had blocked his phone number. He emailed her paragraphs upon paragraphs explaining every detail of that night and how he really felt about her. It all went unanswered. When he asked Josh about it in order to try to figure out if she even saw it, Josh informed him that Riley hadn't mentioned the Texan once since he cornered her in the kitchen about the phone call.

It was the greatest exercise in patience for Lucas to remain at school for as long as he did. He made it up to two days before Valentine's Day before he finally got on a plane to New York. He had no idea what he was going to say to her when he got there. He was fairly certain that she would slam the door in his face, but he had to try. She was worth it. They were worth it. God, the entire trip would be worth it if he could only see her.

* * *

He swung by his parents' house long enough to drop his bag off. They were out of town—some conference his dad had to go to. Lucas didn't really know the specifics, nor did he really care to hear them. Either way, he wasn't planning on spending a lot of time with them. He only wanted to see her. He only wanted to talk to her. He only wanted to be with her. He knew it was a school night and that it was getting late, but he had to try. He couldn't wait another second to explain everything to her. She had to understand that it was all a misunderstanding and that he'd never compromise their relationship like that.

So, he went to her parents' house. He climbed her fire escape without a second thought about it. It used to be second nature to him. Before he moved back to Texas, he used to climb it all the time. It was always the easiest and quickest way to get to her. It was like a beacon that always led him to her.

After he reached the landing, he peered into her room, and quickly noticed that she wasn't there.

It was nearly midnight on a Thursday night and she wasn't home.

As he turned to leave, he finally saw her as she rounded the corner down the block. Only, she wasn't alone. Charlie Gardner was with her.

Charlie, her dancing partner.

Charlie, the guy who had been instrumental in her physical recovery over the last six months.

Charlie, the guy who had spent countless hours with her while Lucas was across the county. His chest tightened as he watched them laugh at something she said. He had to get out of there.

He quickly took in his surroundings. He couldn't climb down the fire escape or else they'd see him, so he had no other choice but to stay there and watch as they neared the apartment building.

At midnight on a Thursday.

* * *

"Thanks for staying tonight," Riley told Charlie as he walked her home. "I didn't realize it had gotten so late." Normally they called it quits around 10:00-10:30, but they had really gotten involved in finishing the choreography of her audition piece. Both of them wanted to hammer it out before they left, that way they could focus on polishing it up the last two weeks before her audition.

"It's fine Riley. I feel like we got a lot done tonight." He slid his hands into the pockets of his coat as they walked toward her building. There was no way he was going to let her walk home alone this late. She only lived a few blocks away from studio, so it wasn't that far out of the way for him.

"Yeah," she let out a long breath. "I can't believe we finished choreographing it tonight." Her piece was complete. Her brainchild that stemmed from one of the worst nights of her life was going to be her audition piece for her dream school. It was weird how things had worked themselves out. Her relationship with Lucas was practically non-existent while her lifelong dream was finally within reach.

"We? I'm pretty sure you did most of the work."

"No," he shook her head. "I know I wouldn't have been able to work out the triple pirouette transition without you." Let alone every other piece of choreography. She could barely walk the first day she hobbled back into the studio. Now, she had picked up exactly where she had left off before the accident—in more ways than one. Except this time, she had switched methods. She made sure to eat during family meals and while she was in the presence of people who had continued to monitor her eating habits, but as soon as she was alone, she went to the bathroom to get rid of it. She hated throwing up. It was disgusting and one of the worst feelings in the world, but she had to do it. She had to get in the best possible physical shape, and she knew she could control it. She couldn't control much else in her life, but she could control her destiny as far as dance was concerned. She crossed her arms over her chest as they continued their walk. No one had noticed. Six weeks and nearly fifteen pounds lost, and as far as she knew, no one had noticed. It was probably because they were used to seeing her everyday, so it wasn't a dramatic transformation. They saw her eat. They knew her body had slightly transformed because of how much time she devoted to her recovery, but they had no clue what she did in the bathroom. No one did. No one could. It would all fall apart and she couldn't let that happen.

"Yeah, you're right. You probably would have just fallen on your face," he smiled.

Riley laughed. "I'm serious. Thank you. I really don't think I would've been able to pull all of this together without you." If it weren't for his patience, she was fairly certain she would still have a slight limp and spend the majority of her time wallowing in the destruction of her relationship with her boyfriend. Dance was her escape from reality, and Charlie had been instrumental in opening up that world for her again. 'Thank you' didn't seem like enough to repay him for the last several months.

"Any time, Riley. We've been friends for a really long time. You know I'm there for you. Anything you need, I'm there."

She looked up at him before she smiled. "I know. Thank you." She didn't know that she needed to hear that until he actually said it. She and Maya had slowly drifted apart since Christmas. Riley chalked it up to the amount of time she was spending at the studio, but she knew that she was avoiding her best friend. If anyone were going to catch onto what Riley was doing, it would be Maya. Thankfully, senior year and the college application process had distracted the blonde enough for Riley's new habit to slide underneath her radar.

"Well," he looked up at her building as he stopped walking. "This is you."

"Yep. That's me. God, tomorrow is going to be such a long day."

"At least you should sleep well, right? All that's left these last two weeks is cleaning it up."

"Yeah." She let out a breath as it hit her that her audition was two weeks from tomorrow. It was real. This was actually happening. "Charlie, do you think I can actually do this?"

"I know you can."

* * *

Every inch of her body was exhausted as she made her way through the darkened apartment and into her room. Her parents must have gone to bed hours ago, she assumed, as she turned on her desk lamp before she closed her bedroom door. They hadn't tried to call or text her to find out where she was. They knew she was completely absorbed in her preparations for the audition. She was grateful for their understanding. It was one less thing she had to worry about. She tossed her bag to the corner of the room before she pulled out the hair tie that kept her bun firmly in place. She closed her eyes as she ran her fingers through her wavy hair. She knew she should go ahead and get a shower. She knew it would help her sleep, but she was too tired for that.

For the first time in weeks she felt like she could fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She wandered over to her chest of drawers as she unbuttoned her coat. She slid out of it and tossed it toward her bay window before she opened the cabinet in front of her. She pulled out a pair of pajamas and went to close the drawer when she heard a light tapping on the window. She quickly whipped her head around. Brown eyes suddenly met green—not just any green, either. It was the same unique shade that belonged to exactly one person. It was the shade that had infiltrated her dreams over the last several weeks, despite her best efforts to force them from her mind.

She had to be dreaming now. Had she crashed on her bed the moment she came into her room and her mind simply didn't know it yet? She blinked several times as she tried to figure out if he was actually standing outside of her bedroom window. She quickly pinched herself. When she winced, she realized that it was definitely real. Now, she had another choice to make: was she going to let him inside or was she going to ignore him?

As she slowly stepped toward the window, she knew what she was going to do. He was in New York. He was outside of her window—for God knows how long. The least she could do was unlock her window. It was late and she was exhausted, but oh how she missed those eyes.

She quickly unlocked the window before she stepped back to let him inside. "Do you have any idea what time it is," she asked as he closed the window behind him to keep the frosty February chill out of her room.

"Do you," he asked as he spun around to look at her. He hadn't seen her in almost seven weeks. She had a pair of sweatpants and an NYU hoodie on. She looked exhausted and he immediately noticed the bags underneath her eyes, but she looked more beautiful than any dream that had tormented him throughout their separation.

Riley crossed her arms as she could feel his eyes take in her appearance. Did he notice a change? No, it would be impossible. She was wearing bulky sweatpants and her brother's sweatshirt. He didn't have x-ray vision. There was no way he could tell by looking at her. "What are you doing here?"

He had rehearsed what he was going to say during his entire flight, but as he stood before her, all he wanted to do was fall at her feet and beg her to take him back. He was prepared to do anything—everything—to be back in her orbit. He slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as he forced himself to stand still. He knew her. He knew that if he started this conversation by being dramatic, she wouldn't listen. It would only push her further away. So, he decided to start with the obvious. "You blocked my number."

Her eyes fell to the ground.

He took a shaky breath after she broke eye contact with him. Was he already losing this battle? He had only said four words. He swallowed harshly. He couldn't lose her. "You blocked my number because of some drunk jock who had no idea what he was talking about."

Riley chewed on her bottom lip as she continued to stare at the ground. Maybe she shouldn't have let him in. It was late, and she knew this wouldn't be a quick and easy conversation. She wasn't prepared at all for it either. She hadn't intended to never speak to him again. She just had to get through the next few weeks first. Clearly, that wasn't going to happen. So, she decided to start with the obvious as well. "You talked to Josh."

"Yeah," he answered. "Thankfully he told me or else I would have no idea what happened. Riley, I wish you would have talked to me." He immediately cringed at his own words. He didn't want to accuse her of anything. He didn't want to fuel the fight they were already in. He only wanted to tell her what happened.

Her eyes snapped up to meet his. "About what? How you told Josh you weren't going to do any of that again, and the first time I try to call, you're at a party," she paused as she thought about what her drunk friend told her. "No…wait," she corrected herself, "You weren't there, you're right. You were just off with some…oh what did he say…some _'hot little brunette cheerleader'_." The acid in her tone easily flowed out of her. For six weeks she had tried to forget that conversation, but sadly, she could repeat every single word the guy on the other end had told her. She had dreamt about it. As much as she tried to escape it, that conversation always seemed to repeat in her subconscious.

It was worse than he thought. Josh told him that she heard he left with someone, but hearing Riley confirm it made it ten times worse. He knew that she must have replayed that conversation several times in her mind to be able to quote it back to him like that. "Riley, that's not what it was. She was drunk and needed a ride home." Whoever talked to her was the luckiest person on the planet. If Lucas had any clue who it was, the guy wouldn't have to worry about answering another phone any time soon. Lucas would have made sure of that.

She slid her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie. "And you, being the knight in shining armor that you are, swooped in and took her home."

"Yes," he answered without missing a beat, "I took her home. That was all. And that was around 10," he paused. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew what was really going on with Charlie and her, but he couldn't shake the insecurities that had suddenly surfaced. They hadn't spoken in weeks and he had to know. "Unlike just now."

She narrowed her eyes as she rocked back on her heels. "What are you talking about?" Was he actually turning this around on her right now? She wasn't at a party—that much was obvious by what she was currently wearing—she wasn't running off with random people. Charlie walked her home because it was late and she lived in one of the most populated cities in the world.

"It's after midnight. Kind of late to be at the studio…especially on a school night, isn't it?" He knew he was being a jealous asshole, but he didn't care. She refused to talk to him. He flew across the country just to see her stroll along the streets of New York at midnight with someone who wasn't him.

She brought her tongue to the roof of her mouth as she considered his words. She made a clucking noise before she finally replied. "You think something is going on with me and Charlie?" It was ridiculous. How many times did she need to tell him that they were just friends? They had known one another for over a decade. She never saw him as anything more than a really good friend. He was there for her throughout this whole thing-as a friend. She wasn't about to let Lucas blame Charlie for their problems.

"You tell me, Riley. We haven't talked in months now. For all I know, my girlfriend has a new boyfriend." Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was being ridiculous, but he had to know. He couldn't shake the idea that something else was brewing between the two of them. Charlie had been there for Riley when Lucas couldn't be, and it was hard for Lucas to even consider the possibility of someone not being insanely attracted to her. All of that time at the studio alone together—maybe something had happened and she was afraid to tell him?

She knew that she didn't owe him an explanation. Maybe it would be easier to let him believe something more was going on with Charlie, but when she opened her mouth to answer him, she knew that she couldn't lie to him about this. "You're being ridiculous! Charlie and I are friends. That's it. He's helping me with the choreography for my audition in two weeks," she slowly lowered her gaze to the floor one more, "but you wouldn't want to hear anything about that."

He took a few steps closer to her. "Damn it Riley, I do want to hear about it. I want to hear about everything. Don't you understand that?" He knew he screwed up that horrible night at his parents' apartment, but did she really believe that he had no faith in her recovery?

She shrugged her shoulders as she shook her head. "No. I don't understand anything," her tone had switched from defensive to defeated so quickly that she could feel a rush of tears sting her eyes. "I don't understand how we can go months without seeing each other and as soon as we do see one another, we're at each other's throats. That's not what I want. That's not what I need."

His heart sunk when he saw the unshed tears form in her eyes. "I didn't…I didn't come here to fight." It was just the opposite. He came to try to repair their fractured relationship. He never wanted to make her cry. He never wanted to see her so defeated about anything, especially about their relationship.

She took a deep breath as she forced herself to look into his eyes once more. God, those eyes. She fell for him the moment she opened her eyes and first saw those sea-green eyes staring back at her. It scared her so much at the time, but as Riley stood in almost the exact same spot as the first time she laid eyes on him, she began to feel that fear once more. She had forced herself to put dance first for the last few months, and thought that nothing could derail her this time, but as she took in his appearance, she noticed that he was unshaven, hair slightly disheveled, and-from what she could tell—moderately sleep deprived. She realized that one word from him would be all she needed to walk away from it all. It scared the shit out of her. How could someone have that much influence over her? "So why are you here? Why did you come to New York?"

The right corner of his mouth turned up into a sad smile. "To tell you that I love you, Riley." He had no other plan. He only wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. At the end of the day, nothing else mattered.

The tears she thought she had pushed down suddenly engulfed her. She had never seen him more vulnerable. It didn't even compare to that night in the hotel in Texas. He fell to his knees to beg her to stay that night, but there was something about the simplicity in his answer that made her heart skip a beat. He wasn't quoting someone else's words or giving her a big speech about destiny. He simply flew to New York to tell her how much he loved her. She swallowed as she tried to keep her tears at bay. "Seems like you used a lot of time and money to tell me that."

"What else could I do? You completely blocked me from your life."

"Because…because I couldn't take it anymore." She slowly sank down to sit at the foot of her bed. He was actually in her bedroom. They were actually talking about what had happened between them. It seemed so surreal. Riley thought for sure that she would wake up any minute. "The thought that you…you didn't have faith in me. It…it threw me. Every time I think about it, I have this paralyzing fear that I shouldn't be doing this."

"No. Don't. Don't say that." He slowly sat down next to her. He didn't want to overstep, so he paused long enough for her to protest if she didn't want him to sit down beside her on the bed. "Please don't listen to that drunken ass. I was…I was upset about what you said about coming to Texas. And…I wanted to get back at you." He shook his head. God, he hated that version of himself. He thought he had said goodbye to that side of himself when he met her. He had no clue the bastard was just laying in wait for the perfect opportunity to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him. "Riley, that's not who I am…not who I want to be. I don't want to hurt someone because they hurt me. That's who I was in Texas before I met you…I can't be that guy again. I won't be that guy again."

Riley turned her head to face him. "I heard that you had some…anger issues."

He frowned. "What?"

"Josh…a long time ago…maybe a year now…told me about something that happened after the accident." When she noticed Lucas shift uncomfortably, she realized that he knew exactly what she was talking about. "He told me that some guys were talking about me in the locker room…and that you…intervened."

Lucas sighed as he stared at the ground in front of him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Josh would tell Riley, but since she had never brought it up, he assumed that perhaps his best friend had kept that incident hidden from her. He never wanted her to hear about that side of him, let alone see it. "Yeah…that's…who I used to be. I have…trouble containing my anger sometimes. I thought I had it under control, but…I guess the alcohol lowered my inhibitions at the party that night and I reacted." He turned to her. She needed to know that the guy who told her those things wasn't who he really was. He never wanted her to see that vindictive side of him. "I didn't mean it. I know that you can do whatever you put your mind to."

She believed him. She thought for sure that their conversation about what he said would last hours and hours, and at the end of it she would still doubt him, but as she searched his eyes for any hint of doubt, she realized that she wouldn't find any—because it wasn't there. He had always been her biggest supporter. One retaliatory comment couldn't destroy a year and a half of support. "Thank you." She paused as she tilted her head to the side. "You really flew all that way to tell me that?"

"I don't think you understand how much I love you." Could she really not fathom the fact that he would do anything for her?

She nearly buckled under the intensity of his stare. It all seemed wonderful. They could easily hit the reset button and continue on with their relationship, but would that actually work? Could they move on from this and remain as strong as they once were? "Lucas, I don't know what to do."

"Say you'll be my Valentine."

She tore her eyes away from his as she looked down at the ground. Her focus had been so fixated on the audition that she forgot that Saturday was February 14th. Valentine's Day.

"Please," he pleaded. "One date. Please."

She knew that they weren't perfect. She knew that everything hadn't been addressed yet, but hearing him say 'please' gave her something she had been lacking for a long time: hope. "Well," her lips slowly curved up into a smile, "You did fly all the way out here."

He couldn't help the grin that immediately spread across his face. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yes." She turned to face him. "I would love to be your Valentine." Her breath caught in her throat when she saw how happy her words had made him. "I really missed you, Lucas."

The entire time he had been there, he had been content enough just to be in the same room with her. He wanted to maintain some distance so he wouldn't be tempted to do the one thing he hadn't stopped thinking about the moment he saw her. When she told him that she missed him, he finally broke. He couldn't help it. He slowly brushed a few stray hairs away from her eyes before he rested his hand against her cheek. When she leaned into the palm of his hand, his heart skipped a beat. "I missed you."

As he slowly leaned in closer to her, she made no move to pull away. She had forgotten how alive she felt when he touched her—even when he simply caressed her cheek. This was love. It had to be. Everything she had ever read tried to describe it, but as his lips brushed against hers, she knew that none of those writers had ever kissed Lucas Friar. There were no words to describe how electric she felt whenever their lips met. As her eyes fluttered closed, she knew that even Elizabeth Barrett Browning couldn't give this feeling any kind of justice.

God, she missed it. She missed him. As her lips moved against his, it was as if everything had clicked back into place again. The misunderstandings, the distance, the time apart crumbled as they finally let down their guards long enough to give into to their need to be completely consumed by their love for one another. Riley hadn't had a moment of peace since before Christmas, but as she opened her mouth against his, she finally felt free. Her inner demons fell silent as she relished in the comfort that she had desperately sought for months now.

Lucas inched closer to her as he savored every millisecond of this moment with her. This was unlike any dream that had haunted him for the last seven weeks. Most of his nights were filled with nightmares of what had happened between them, what could have happened between, and what would happen to him should she decide never to speak to him again. When he jumped on the plane to New York, he had no idea he'd be sitting next to her like this, kissing her with such urgency that was not only accepted by her, but also seemed to be fully reciprocated.

She wanted to lose herself in him. She wanted to shut out the entire world for a little while as she simply relished in every emotion he evoked in her. She wanted to stop thinking and just feel. She wanted to forget about the last several months. The distance. The misunderstandings. None of it mattered. Only he did. Only they did.

She closed the small distance between them as she slid his coat off of his shoulders. God, she wanted to feel his skin next to hers. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and protect her from everything that had threatened to tear them apart, including themselves—especially themselves. She needed to lose herself in their connection. She needed him to heal her.

Lucas's brain nearly exploded when he felt her fingers brush against his chest as she began to unbutton his shirt. They had so much to talk about, to work out, but at that moment, he knew he couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone translate that into actual speech. The feeling of her cold fingers brushing against his skin set him on fire. No one had ever made him feel that way, and he was fairly certain no one ever would. They were right next to one another, but it wasn't close enough. It would never be close enough. When Riley unbuttoned the last button on his shirt, he gently nudged her back to lie on the bed, their lips still connected as they sought to close the seemingly insurmountable gap in between them.

When he leaned her back on the bed, Riley moaned into his mouth. How many times had she dreamt about this? Of course, in every single one of those dreams, she would wake up in a panic—not because she was afraid of him, but because every single time, he would figure it out: the secret of what she had been doing to her body for the last few months. When she felt him grab the hem of her sweatshirt and lift it over her stomach, her brain finally caught up to her heart. Her eyes flew open before she pushed him away from her.

He was breathless as he opened his eyes to see the look of horror on her face. "What is it?"

The immediate concern that spread across his features nearly made her sob on the spot. He couldn't know. It would be the final nail in the coffin of Riley and Lucas. She had to keep him at arm's length until after the audition—until after she gained a little bit of the weight back. She knew she had crashed. She promised herself only ten pounds, but in the last six weeks, she had lost nearly fifteen. She had stopped eating completely unless someone else was around to witness it, and in those cases, she made sure that she got rid of whatever she consumed as quickly as possible. The winter weather provided her with an excuse to wear bulky sweaters and jeans. No one suspected what she was doing, probably because they saw her everyday.

But he didn't. And no one else knew her body like he did. She knew that if he saw her, if she allowed him to take her sweatshirt off, that he would know. And she knew that no matter how much she begged, no matter how much she pleaded, he would do everything to stop her from auditioning.

She couldn't allow that.

She swallowed as she sat up. "I-I'm sorry," she stuttered as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I…um…maybe this is going a little fast." She quickly stood up as she walked toward the window. She had to get some space between them. Her heart ached for him, but her brain knew that it would be impossible right now. "You know, you just got in…and we haven't talked in awhile." When she turned around, she realized that he had stood up and moved to stand right behind her. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his fingers interlace with hers.

"It's ok," he assured her with no disappointment evident in his tone. "We have…a lot to talk about. I know that." He gently kissed her forehead before he let go of her hands. He began to button his shirt before he continued. "We've got time. And even after…if you don't want to…it's ok, Riley."

Her Lucas. This was her Lucas. The warmness in his voice made her heart break a little more. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell someone that she needed help, that she had completely fallen apart, but as she watched him finish buttoning his shirt, she realized that she had two weeks left. The months of hell would be worth it if she could get in. She couldn't tell anyone. Not when she was so close to actually achieving her dream.

"Yeah…I just feel like we need to…kind of figure everything out before…" her eyes subconsciously shifted to her bed for a moment before she looked back at him. "So, Saturday night then?"

He smiled. "If that's ok?"

She nodded. "I'll be at the studio until four, but then I can come back here and be ready by six."

"Sounds perfect." He closed the space between them as he kissed her once more. This time, it was softer, sweeter. She loved those kisses just as much as the urgent, demanding ones. She wanted him to stay with her. She wanted him to hold her and promise her that everything would be ok, but she knew the temptation would be too great.

When he kissed her once more, she realized that she was falling again. Why couldn't she give into everything she wanted in that moment? When he pulled back from her, she remembered why. He would only hate her if he knew.

"Can you do me one favor," he asked as he reached for his coat.

She tilted her head to the side. "What's that?"

"Can you unblock my number?" It seemed like a ridiculous request after what had just transpired between them, but he wanted to make sure that they were on the same page. He didn't want to leave any room for another misunderstanding.

Riley bit her lip as she looked down. "Yeah. I'm…sorry about that. It was just," she sighed, "easier."

"I get it. It hurt…a lot…but…I know you have a lot on your mind right now." He slid his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "I only want you to be happy, Riley. That's all I've ever wanted."

That meant a lot to her. She knew she had hurt him by forcing him out of her life, but she wasn't sure what else to do. "I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have shut you out like that."

"I know that…what happened didn't exactly paint me in the best light."

"Yeah." She slowly lifted her eyes to his. "Still…I should have trusted you."

"You're the only one for me, Riley. I don't need to be with anyone else for me to realize it." He didn't want to leave, but knew he had to. She still had school in the morning and it was now after 1 am. He walked towards the window. "I better go before your dad comes in."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "If I get grounded, your trip here would have been for nothing."

He turned toward her after he climbed out of the window. "The trip here has already been more than worth it. I got to see your smile."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

_**A/N: I feel like I might be disappointing some people with this chapter, but I've had this entire thing planned out for awhile, sooooo...I'm sorry. Also, a reminder: Riley has an eating disorder. Lucas has a violent history. So there are trigger warnings for violence and eating disorders in this story.**_

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

"No, they have to be purple," Lucas told the florist over the phone as he cradled the device between his ear and shoulder while he researched different restaurants in the city on his computer. "Two dozen. Yes. By five. Yes. Thanks." He hung up the phone as he continued to type on the computer. In a few hours, they would be on their date. In a few hours, he knew he would feel reassured about their relationship despite the insanity of the last seven months. He knew the distance had taken a toll on her. It had thrown him too. Getting through the last month without being able to talk to her at all nearly destroyed him. He knew he looked like a wreck when he saw her the other night, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't sleep, hadn't shaved, and that night was the first time he had worn a button down shirt since he left the city after Christmas. He had lived in t-shirts and gym shorts the last six weeks in Texas. He considered the day a win if he managed to get a shower. He just didn't care about anything anymore. He wasn't there to impress anyone, and the one person he wanted to impress had blocked him from all forms of communication.

In short, he was miserable.

But not anymore. No, after another misunderstanding threatened to rip them apart, somehow, someway, they ended up on her bed, completely engulfed in each another. They hadn't had that sort of connection with one another since that night in Texas where he begged her to stay with him.

God, he had missed her. He hadn't realized exactly how much until the moment their lips met. It was more than just the physical act though. Lucas couldn't explain it, but it felt like they both had finally let go of the past and all of their insecurities and were just…together.

Two days later and here he was, hours away from cementing his relationship status with her. Sure, they had hit a rough patch, but most couples who experience long distance do. They had something special. He knew it and he knew that she knew it too.

He glanced at the clock. It was almost four o'clock. _'Two hours,'_ he smiled.

* * *

Two hours came and went. He went by her parents' place to pick her up promptly at 6:00. She wasn't home. She was supposed to be out of practice by four. He waited until 6:30 before he finally excused himself to go to the studio. She hadn't answered her phone, but he knew that if she were at practice, she wouldn't even think to look at it.

He was slightly annoyed by the fact that she was still at the studio, but at the same time, he had interrupted her weekend by showing up out of nowhere. Maybe she lost track of time. Maybe something had happened. Either way, he needed to go there to find out.

The doors were still unlocked and the lights were on, he noted as he strolled into the lobby. He hadn't been there in ages, but he still knew his way around pretty well. Luckily all of the studios had glass doors so he could simply peer in instead of opening every door until he found her.

He passed by four of the smaller studio rooms before he saw a glimpse of her. He paused as he watched her glide across the stage. He held his breath as he watched her execute a triple pirouette as if it were the easiest thing in the world. All of her leaps, extensions, and spins were performed flawlessly, and Lucas couldn't help the pride that filled him as he watched her. She moved perfectly. He couldn't even tell a difference between her abilities last year and what he was witnessing. He placed his hand on the doorknob when he heard the music turn off. When Riley stood up, he froze.

She was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants the other night, so he hadn't noticed anything different about her, but now she only wore a leotard and tights. Now, he could actually see the details of her frail form. His eyes widened when he saw her vertebrae jut out of her back as she walked towards the front of the small studio she was in. He could also detect the outline of her shoulder blades and ribcage, despite the fact that her black leotard covered up about half of her lower back. When he caught her profile underneath the fluorescent lights, he noticed that even her face seemed thinner. He swallowed as his eyes slowly lowered to her legs. They looked so thin, so fragile—like they could easy snap if she fell.

He took a deep breath. Then he took another in order to calm the volcano that had suddenly threatened to erupt within him. It didn't help. Suddenly, it felt as if he had been transported back to the hospital, back to her room, back to the moment she told him that she had a problem. He had felt so naïve then. He constantly asked himself how he couldn't have seen the signs sooner. He was supposed to protect her. He was supposed to notice when things had changed. As he watched her gaze into her reflection in the mirror, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was happening again. He wasn't about to make the same mistakes he did the last time. She was worth so much more than this. She had to know that.

He threw open the door as he stalked into the studio. He noticed Charlie was also in the room, but he didn't care about him. He only cared about her. His Riley. His smart, beautiful Riley…who was easily fifteen pounds thinner than when he saw her at New Years. He was scared, sad, upset, but also angry. He was angry at himself for not being there—angry at himself for not realizing sooner that there was even a possibility of this happening again. She was spending more time at the studio now than she ever had before. Of course the temptation would be there. She was the most driven person he had ever met. She would do anything to make her dreams come true—even potentially put herself in harm's way. He couldn't watch it happen again. He refused.

Riley spun around at the sound of the door slamming against the wall. Her eyes widened when she noticed the murderous look in her boyfriend's eyes. Her hands immediately went to her abdomen in a subconscious attempt to hiding her shriveling figure. "Lucas, what are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at 6:00?"

"It's almost 7:00," he answered darkly as he stalked toward the front of the room. The time didn't matter anymore. Their date didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered except her wellbeing. As he drew closer, he noticed how she had placed her hands on her stomach. Another light bulb went off in his mind.

Last night she wanted to be with him just as much as he wanted to be with her. He thought she wanted to take it slow, but as he noticed her pitiful attempt to hide her body from him, he knew that the reason she didn't want to be intimate wasn't because she wanted to take things slow. It was because she knew that he would be able to tell a difference in how she looked a few months ago versus how she looked now. Would she ever not hide herself from him?

She nearly crumbled under the intensity of his stare. Still, she had been able to hide from everyone for so long that it now seemed like second nature for her to try to pretend like she wasn't aware of the reason why he seemed ready to kill someone. "Is it? I'm-I'm sorry, Lucas. Let me just grab my stuff and we can—"

"Don't worry about it." When he finally reached her, he slowly raked his eyes down her body. He couldn't even think, let alone have the capacity to determine what sort of reaction he needed to have. "What is this?" He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to carry her over his shoulder and take her far away from that studio, away from dance, away from the audition. He wanted to take them somewhere that she felt safe, happy, healthy. He hated this world that she seemed to love because it was destroying her—it was destroying the best person he had ever met.

"What's what?"

He eyed her from head to toe once more. Was she actually pretending that he wasn't seeing what he was seeing? Maybe that worked the last time because they had only just begun to date and he hadn't learned the little things she did when she tried to lie. A year later and he knew her. He knew exactly what he was looking at and how it happened and he was one breath away from completely losing his mind. He was teetering on the brink of insanity, but he didn't care about that. His brain only focused on one thing: the fact that his beautiful girlfriend felt it necessary to harm herself in order to feel 'prepared' for an audition. "What are you doing, Riley?"

She swallowed as the tone in his voice grew darker with every word he spoke. Still, she couldn't give in. She wasn't going to give it up now—not when she was so close to actually getting everything she had worked so hard for. "I'm…practicing."

He wasn't about to be placated. Not about this. Never about this. He was going to try one more time. She had one more opportunity to come clean to him and confirm what he already knew. "When did it start again?"

' _Slowly since last fall. More rapidly after New Year's,'_ she thought as she stared into his cold eyes. She wanted to confess and beg him for help, but she had come too close now. She couldn't do it. "I don't know what you're talking about," she insisted before she spun around to grab her bag. She couldn't look at him. His eyes had always hypnotized her, but the way he stared at her now was unlike anything she had ever experienced. Her knees shook as she walked to the corner of the studio to gather her belongings. She knew that he would never hurt her, but the feral look in his eyes scared her.

Lucas tore his eyes away from her long enough to address the only other person in the room. "You don't see this?" He balled his fists up as a barely contained rage continued to course through him. If she had fallen back into her eating disorder, which wasn't even a question in his mind, why hadn't anyone noticed? Why didn't Charlie, of all people, notice it? He saw her everyday. He saw her in those form fitting clothes. He should have seen it. Lucas hadn't been there to notice it, but Charlie should have. Logically, Lucas knew that he couldn't place all of the blame on the dancer, but Lucas wasn't thinking logically. His only thought was that his girlfriend was in serious need and the only other person in the room could have stopped this, but chose not to. "You've seen her in outfits like that everyday for almost a year, and you can't tell a difference?"

"Lucas, back off," Riley commanded as she slid on her coat. She walked back toward him as he slowly approached Charlie. "It's normal for me to lose a little weight because of how much I've been in the studio." She could tell by the way he tensed up that he wasn't about to accept that reason.

His eyes ticked over to her. "How stupid do you think I am," he roared as he felt that last thread of his sanity snap. She was clearly lying to him. She was trying to sweep this under the rug, and that hurt him more than anything because of how much they had gone through together. They always told one another that they would be honest with one another, that it was the only way that they would be able to make it through the distance. He was standing in front of her, staring into her eyes, and she was freely and willingly lying to him. He couldn't take it anymore. "How much have you lost? Ten pounds? Fifteen pounds? You forget that I was there when it happened last time." He clenched his fists once more. "Riley, you could die from this! Don't you understand that?"

Her heart raced as his voice boomed at her, but when he asked her if she understood, his voice shifted to a more urgent, pleading tone. He was begging for her to confess what he already knew. He was acting like his entire life hinged on her confession. She wanted to tell him that it was true, that she was so incredibly screwed up that she wasn't sure if she could ever recover from the last few months, but something held her back. Her determination to see this through prevented her from being honest to the one person she never wanted to lie to. "I'm fine," she insisted despite the fact that her heart dropped into her stomach. She had no idea what was about to happen. She just prayed that she could wake up from this nightmare.

"Why don't you trust her," Charlie finally asked him as he took a step toward the couple. When Lucas slowly turned his head around to look at him, Charlie paused. He had never seen anyone so angry in his entire life. Part of him knew he should stay out of it, but he knew Riley. He knew that she wasn't harming herself. She was simply working hard and it was natural for her to lose a little weight because of the fact that she had been in the studio so much over the last several weeks. Charlie wasn't about to let someone come in and try to talk her out of what she had been tirelessly working towards for the last several months, even if that someone was her boyfriend. "If she says that she's fine, then why don't you trust that she's fine?"

Who the hell was this guy to tell him how he should act? Was Charlie aware of what she was doing? That was the only thing that made sense to Lucas. Because it was obvious to him what had been going on. There was no way this guy saw her everyday and wasn't aware that she was starving herself. "Because I can look at her and tell that she's not fine. You're enabling her by not forcing her to realize that she has a problem." He felt his face turn red. If Charlie knew about it (and judging by Riley's appearance, how could he not), then he was as much to blame for this as Riley was, maybe even more so.

Charlie resented the football player's accusation. He would never willingly put her in harm's way. She didn't have a problem with her body. Her only problem appeared to be the 200+ pound person who barged in throwing accusations at her about her weight. "It's called muscle, jack ass! She doesn't have a problem!"

The amount of rage that swirled within Lucas exponentially increased at Charlie's words. He hadn't felt that much pent up anger in years, if ever. He couldn't think logically anymore. All he knew what that his girlfriend was abusing herself and there were people around her who could have stepped in and stopped it at any time, but they didn't. They chose to look the other way. "Oh yeah," his voiced lowered before he pulled his fist back. He flung it forward as he punched Charlie square in the jaw. When he saw Charlie fly back, Lucas didn't hesitate. He swung again, this time his fist collided with the smaller guy's nose. "You feel that," he asked when Charlie doubled over. "THAT'S muscle!"

When Lucas took a step closer to the now bleeding dancer, Riley quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back several steps. "Lucas, what the hell are you doing," she shrieked as she shoved him further away from her friend. When she knew he wasn't about to advance on Charlie again, she quickly went to his side.

She had never seen her boyfriend that angry. He didn't even sound like himself. He sounded completely possessed. Was this the version of himself that he thought had escaped from when his parents moved last year? Was this the version of himself that Josh had seen in the locker room after her accident? When she looked up into his eyes, she realized that as much as she thought she knew about him, she really didn't know anything anymore. She didn't know that he was capable of this. Yes, she had heard about what happened in the locker room, but it didn't get physical. He didn't punch someone who had done nothing wrong. For the first time ever, she was truly frightened of him. She knew nothing would ever be the same between them again. She looked back down at Charlie. "We need to get some ice on that before it swells. Can you stand up?"

Charlie groaned as Riley helped him to his feet. He tilted his head back to try to prevent anymore of his blood from spilling onto the hardwood floor. His entire face hurt and he wasn't exactly sure what had just happened.

Lucas said nothing as he watched Riley help Charlie up. It was taking everything in him not to go after Charlie again. "We need to talk about this." He wasn't going to let this drop. She was going to stay right there and they were going to figure out what they needed to do in order to get her the help she needed.

"No. I'm going to take Charlie to the hospital to get him checked out because of what you just did to him." She put Charlie's arm around her shoulder as she tried to help him stop from sinking back to the ground. As they slowly headed toward the door, she couldn't believe what had just transpired in front of her. She knew what had happened, but she couldn't allow herself to fully process it yet, not when her friend needed medical attention.

As he watched her slowly move toward the exit, his rage gave way to a different emotion—fear. She couldn't leave like this. "If you leave with him, we're done, Riley. I can't watch you destroy yourself over this." He couldn't go back to Texas and constantly worried that one day, he'd get a phone call letting him know that she had starved herself to death. He couldn't stand around and let that happen. If she cared about him at all, she would talk to him. Together, they could figure it out. She just needed to stay.

She stopped walking, but didn't turn around to face him. "No one asked you to." The room fell silent as Riley and Charlie continued their trek to the door. As they reached the doorway, she paused for a moment. Her heart raced as she finally turned back to face him. "So, I guess we're done then." She swallowed harshly as she bit back the rush of tears that stung the corners of her eyes.

Lucas remained perfectly still as he watched her leave. It was Valentine's Day. A day of love. A day he couldn't wait to spend with his girlfriend. He had hoped that that day would start a new chapter in their lives. He wasn't wrong. It was the beginning of a new chapter for them, except they were now in separate books.

As he stalked out of the studio, he paused before he turned around to look at the room once more. It was all because of this that she was destroying herself. The pressure and stress she put on herself was impossible to overcome. He should've seen it coming sooner. Tonight proved that they weren't strong enough to survive this. Once again, he had failed her. Lucas pulled back his fist once more as he turned to the wall next to him. He punched it once, but once was enough to break through the drywall and leave a hole in the wall. His life was completely in shambles now. He had no idea what tomorrow would bring, and for the first time in a year and a half, he didn't care.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

_**A/N: Thank you all for the sweet words and continued feedback. Only a few more chapters to go!**_

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

"But what did he say?" Maya was more than slightly annoyed at her boyfriend's vague answers about the conversation he had with Lucas the day after Valentine's Day. The Texan had tried to call him that night, but Josh was on his date with Maya and both of them had agreed to turn their phones off for the evening. By the time he called his best friend back, Lucas was already back in College Station—with three broken knuckles.

Josh sighed. "He said that it's obvious that she's not eating. When she didn't show up at mom and dad's on time, he went to the studio to get her. He saw her rehearsing with Charlie and noticed how thin she had apparently gotten. He…he stormed in…accused her of regressing back into her eating disorder. Charlie defended her. Lucas…Lucas punched him…twice."

Maya's mouth fell open. "He did what?"

Josh nodded. "After the second time, Riley tried to help Charlie. Lucas told her that if she left, they wouldn't be together anymore. So, she did exactly what you think she'd do…she left."

"Oh my God," Maya covered her mouth with her hand. "But Riley isn't…do you think she's…she can't be, right? I'm with her at lunch everyday. She eats. I see her eat. If I didn't, I would have said something."

"Yeah and every family meal I've been to, she's eating. I haven't noticed any weight loss. Have you?"

Maya shook her head. "We talked about it briefly at Christmas, but she assured me that she wasn't going to go back down that road. She knew it was stupid."

"What brought that on?"

"Just the stress she's been putting herself through with this audition." She paused. She wanted Riley to achieve every single one of her dreams, but this whole audition had driven a wedge in their friendship. Maya had hoped that once it was over with, that things would go back to the way they were before. Even though they had been distant, Maya wasn't convinced that she had relapsed. "Should we tell your parents about it?"

Josh let out a long breath. "I don't know. Maybe…maybe we need to talk to her first. Hear her side of everything." He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. "I don't want to worry them about nothing just in case it's a huge misunderstanding."

"You're right." She paused. "Lucas punched Charlie?"

Josh nodded. "Lucas said that he lost it when he saw her. Pretty sure he regrets it now, but at the time, he just snapped."

* * *

It was nearly four in the afternoon and Riley hadn't gotten out of bed since she came home the previous evening. Did yesterday actually happen? She groaned as she put a hand over her eyes. Lucas hit Charlie. Lucas punched one of her closest friends…twice…because he thought Charlie wasn't protecting her. He thought that Charlie was enabling her. He wanted someone to blame for what he saw and he couldn't take out his anger, his frustration on her, so he took it out on an innocent bystander.

All because she completely lost track of time.

Why did she lose track of time? How was it possible to lose track of time that badly? They were supposed to go out, have a wonderful date, get everything back on track, and instead, they broke up. After months of turmoil, months of dreading what she knew would be inevitable, now she was here. Now, it was a reality.

And she couldn't stomach the idea of life without Lucas Friar in it.

He saw her last night and immediately knew what she had been up to. Riley felt nauseous. She felt helpless. Her heart completely shattered the moment he hit Charlie. She never thought anything could push him that far. He never wanted to be that person, and she knew that because of her, he had become his own worst nightmare.

Her stomach lurched. She had already run to the bathroom three times since she got home. She knew her family and Maya were around. The last thing she wanted was to raise any more suspicion, especially when in reality, she was throwing up because she couldn't stand herself anymore.

At the end of the day, she didn't blame Lucas for everything that happened. It was her fault. She made the decision to drop the weight by any means necessary. She was the one who lost track of time at the studio. She was the one who was spiraling out of control.

Only now, he was spiraling too.

He had sacrificed himself in order to protect her, and that was the reason why Riley had thrown up three times in less than 20 hours.

She hated herself even more than before. Not only had she lost him, but she lost herself too. Instead of trying to call him to fix everything, instead of coming out to her family about purging, she told herself that she would allow herself one day to wallow before she picked herself back up and pushed forward.

Dance was all she had left now. If she stopped now, then everything would have been for nothing.

She didn't bother looking at the doorway when she heard the door open. She didn't care who it was. She knew it wasn't him. She knew that she would only be greeted with questions. Questions she wasn't prepared to answer.

"Riley," Maya said softly as she walked into the brunette's room. "Are you asleep?"

It would have been easy to lie and pretend that she was asleep, but the brunette knew that she was only delaying the inevitable. "No," she said as lowered her hand from her face.

"Are you ok? We're worried about you."

She stared at the ceiling for a long moment. "Lucas called Josh." Riley didn't want to exchange pleasantries. She knew what this was. She wanted to get it over with so she could go back to sleep.

"Yeah." Maya sat down on the edge of the bed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she easily lied. "Lucas just…lost his mind. Accused me of being anorexic again. When Charlie defended me, Lucas hit him."

Maya looked down at her best friend's bedspread. She could tell Riley wasn't in the mood to talk, but after everything, she had to know what was going on. "Is Charlie ok?"

Riley shook her head as she continued to stare at her ceiling. "Fractured jaw and a broken nose."

Maya looked up at her best friend. "Are you ok?"

Riley slowly lowered her gaze to the blonde. She hadn't seen much of Maya outside of school since that disastrous New Year's party. "Not at all."

Maya knit her eyebrows together. She knew she was risking her best friend's wrath by asking, but she had to. She'd rather have Riley hate her than to lose her completely. "Is…is it true?"

"Is what true?" Riley knew what Maya was asking, but she was going to make the blonde say it. The terminology of the disorder she suffered from had practically become swear words in her household. No one said them. No one addressed the reality of it anymore. Once her leg healed, it was as if everyone around her thought that she had magically been cured of her eating disorder.

"Are you anorexic, Riley?"

"No. I'm not." _'I'm bulimic now,'_ she thought to herself. Even the thought of it disgusted her. Lucas was right to give her the ultimatum. He didn't need to be around some fractured dancer who couldn't seem to stop herself from shoving her finger down her throat.

Riley had lied about it before, but at the same time, Maya had seen her eat lunch at school every day. Her problem had always been the fact that she wouldn't eat. Maya knew that Riley was completely repulsed by the idea of throwing up, so there was no way she was purging. Maybe it really was a misunderstanding? "So, why would Lucas react like that?"

Riley sat up as she looked straight into her best friend's crystal blue eyes. "Because I have lost some weight…but not as much as he thinks. It's more muscle. With as much time at the studio as I've put in, it was only natural for my body to change." She was spouting the same lies she had told Charlie—and had tried to sell to Lucas. She was never good at lying, but the last year had given her the chance to really hone her skills. She hated that she could look her best friend in the eye and lie to her. "You've seen me eat, Maya…every day."

"I have…that's why I'm confused." She waited a beat. Maybe she was pushing her luck, but she had to ask. She knew Riley hated the idea of vomiting, but that was the only other thing she could think of. "Are you throwing up?"

"No," the brunette easily lied once more. "You know that I can't even think about doing that when I'm sick. There's no way I can do it while I'm healthy." She sighed. "And that wasn't the problem the first time."

"I know. I just…needed to ask."

"I know. I don't blame you for asking. You're hearing different things from me and from him and I get that you need to know the whole story. I'd do the same thing if I were you."

"Have you called him?"

She shook her head.

"Riley, I think you should call him. Last night was just some huge misunderstanding. You were so excited about the date."

She had been more than excited. The thought of finally moving forward after the last several months allowed her a moment to take a breath for the first time since she left Texas. Then reality hit them once again. "It's not just last night. It's…everything. Last night was just the breaking point. We're different people now." Her face slowly scrunched up as she allowed herself to cry for the first time since he hit Charlie. "It's over."

"Oh, Riley," Maya quickly walked around the other side of the bed in order to hold her sobbing friend. This whole situation was one huge mess. Maya had no idea what to do to fix it. She wanted Riley to be happy. That was all she ever wanted. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

* * *

"She doesn't want to talk to me," Lucas told Josh as he bounced a rubber band ball off of the wall beside his computer. He hadn't left his room since he got back in from his flight. Two days and he wasn't interested in anything the outside world held for him. He was just an animal who deserved to be locked up. She was right to break up with him.

But the image of her in the studio that night haunted him. He didn't care what excuse she gave Maya or what Maya and Josh believed because of it. He knew that she was abusing her body.

"I think she just needs to get through the next two weeks."

"And then what, Josh?" He groaned in frustration. "I know you don't believe me. I know she's your sister and whatever she's saying to you holds more weight than what I'm saying, but speaking as someone who doesn't see her everyday…as someone who hadn't seen her in seven weeks…she's sick."

"It's not that we don't believe you. I just want to be absolutely sure about it before we confront her. Maya's already talked to her, and we're going to keep a closer eye on her habits and make sure we're around a little more for meals to see how she reacts."

"I guess you know the best way to deal with it, but promise me one thing." He threw the ball against the wall once more before he tossed it on his desk.

"What's that?"

"That if she shows any sign of any eating disorder, that you'll get in contact with her doctors." He paused as he leaned forward in his chair. "I know that it's over between us, but I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her."

"Lucas, I promise. Now, can you promise me something?"

He stood up as he waited to hear the big brother speech he knew he had coming for the last several months. Josh had stayed out of everything for the most part, but things hadn't gotten quite this bad before. Was he going to tell him to stay away from Riley? Lucas knew he deserved it after what he did. He wouldn't blame Josh one bit if he forbade him from speaking to his sister. "What? To not try to contact her? I'm pretty sure she's already blocked me again."

"No. Actually the opposite."

Lucas frowned. He must have misheard him. "What?"

"Her audition is next Friday…and…I really think you should be there. Family and friends aren't really allowed to be there, but I know someone who works at the venue. He already told me that he can sneak you in the balcony to watch her."

Lucas closed his eyes. What was he talking about? If he showed up, he would only make things worse for her. He knew that and Josh had to have known that too. "Josh, I appreciate it, but she doesn't want me there. I'm only going to distract her and despite what she might think, I really do want her to get everything she wants out of life."

"Just think about it, ok? I know she'll want you there." He paused. "How are you doing about everything else? You know…with the outburst and everything?"

Lucas waited a long time before he responded. "I talked to someone today about setting up some counseling sessions and about entering an anger management program. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I'm not…that's not who I am." He pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated how he reacted. He hated that he couldn't control himself in that moment. He hated that he hurt someone she cared about. "How is he?"

"Riley said he has a broken nose and his jaw has a small fracture, so it's safe to say that all that time you've spent in the gym has paid off." It was a terrible joke and one Josh hated the moment he said it. "Sorry," he quickly apologized. "We all know that's not who you are."

"She doesn't. You didn't see how she looked at me after it happened. I can't get it out of my mind." He glanced at the clock. "I need to go. I have an appointment in about twenty minutes that I need to get ready for."

"Lucas, please consider coming. It'll mean everything to her."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

_**A/N: The song used at the end of this chapter is "The End of Everything" by Jill Andrews.**_

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

' _The lights slowly dimmed as the stage crew walked across the stage. They were quick as they disassembled the platform that was used for the previous piece. Riley watched the crew as they quickly pulled the structure apart in three separate pieces. She could feel her heart beat in her toes as she tried to steady her nerves. 'This is it,' she thought as she saw the set being pushed off of the stage. Hours of practice led her here. Endless training. Overcoming all the odds. And here she finally was. She closed her eyes for a brief moment to collect her thoughts. She would feel much more confident if she knew he was there._

 _But he wasn't. She knew that. The past year had been the roughest, most emotional, most intense, most beautiful, and most tragic she had ever had. When she thought back on everything, she realized that the last year of her life contained more tears, more laughter, and more love than the previous seventeen years combined. It was all a whirlwind for the brunette. She had reached the very bottom of herself to rise up to where she was at that very moment._

 _She never thought she'd be here again. Not after the accident. But he encouraged her, pushed her, and inspired her—as did everyone in her life. They never quit on her, even when she wanted to-begged to. She was scared. Scared of going back, of becoming who she swore she would never be again, but the desire to dance, the passion she had for it, was a part of who she was. She couldn't walk away from it. Despite her fears, she didn't want to._

 _In some way, dance—her first love—was what eventually cost her a love that meant more than anything to her. Did that all happen in just one year? She looked down at her right leg. It had been a little over a year since it happened. She still had nightmares about it. The sound of the other car hitting them echoed throughout her mind, but the memories of the aftermath of it all haunted her more._

 _One year. They told her that she would never regain her full strength. They told her that she would be lucky just to be able to eventually perform other forms of dance. Regaining her physical strength in order to dance at the level she was used to would be impossible._

 _Riley looked down as she stretched her right foot. She took a deep breath as she lifted the heels of her feet off the ground. 'They were wrong,' she smiled softly to herself as she balanced on her toes._

 _She had doubted herself. She doubted herself for a long time, but he never did. Even when she laid in the hospital, after hearing that she might not ever be the same again, he didn't doubt that she would get back to this. His faith in her seemed to be unwavering._

 _Riley took a shaky breath, trying to will away the tears that had formed in her eyes. She couldn't think about that now. She had to think about the choreography, the music. She just wanted to be swept away for the next five minutes. She needed an escape and dance always offered that for her._

" _Are you ready for this, Riley," a familiar voice asked from beside her._

 _Riley opened her eyes and turned toward the sound of the voice. Even in the dim lighting, she knew who stood next to her. He had been there the whole time. He hadn't let her down._

" _Yes," she whispered as she took his offered hand, "I'm ready, Charlie."'_

Riley's eyes flew open as she sat up in bed. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand. _'5:00 am,'_ she noted as she slowly sank against her pillows. Her audition would begin in five hours. If she were lucky, it would last all day. There were five parts to the audition. If you got a call back for the first part, you were invited to the second part, and so on. Only five hours until she started one of the biggest days of her life.

And he wouldn't be there.

Of course he wouldn't. They hadn't spoke to one another since that awful confrontation at the studio on Valentine's Day. She couldn't get it out of her head. What he said, how he acted, how he looked at her. Every time she thought about it, her stomach churned. He knew. He knew what she had become and he tried to pull her out of her darkness, but she resisted.

Because she had to see this through.

When Charlie tried to defend her, Lucas reacted. She could still hear the cracking noise that resonated in the studio the moment his fist collided with Charlie's face. He wasn't Lucas. The guy who hit one of her best friends wasn't the guy she fell in love with, and it scared her. He scared her.

But she couldn't think about that now. She had to try to get a few more hours of sleep. She rolled over on her side. The more she tried to get him out of her mind, the more she thought about him. "I miss you," she softly whispered to the empty room.

After tossing and turning for another hour, she decided to get up and prepare for the day. She turned on the lamp by her bed as she stood up. She took a deep breath as she approached her dresser. She looked at her reflection in the mirror for several minutes. She turned to the side as she placed her hands on her stomach. _'You can do this.'_

She ran a hand through her hair as she tried to snap herself out of her reverie. As she reached for a hair tie on top of her dresser, something reflecting the light from the lamp on her nightstand caught her eye. She slowly reached for the gold necklace that hung alongside other various pieces of jewelry. Her hands began to shake as she touched the pendant. _'A phoenix.'_ She swallowed as she pulled the necklace off of the bar and held it in the palm of her hand.

 _'"You got her a bird necklace, cowboy?"_

" _It's the meaning behind it," Lucas clarified. "Phoenixes were a mythological firebird. They burned themselves in flames, after which they rose from the ashes and were born again." He paused. "I saw it and it reminded me of you. You're a phoenix, Riley. You've come so far. After everything that's happened this year, you've risen out of the ashes, and I know you're only going to grow stronger."'_

She gripped the necklace in her hand as she closed her eyes. He was wrong. He had always made her believe she was a lot stronger than she actually was. She wasn't a phoenix. She hadn't risen out of anything.

* * *

Riley got callbacks from the first stage (a ballet technique class) and the second stage (a modern technique class). The next portion of the audition was her solo performance—what she had spent countless hours trying to perfect over the last few months. As she waited for her turn, she checked her phone.

Nothing.

She didn't block his phone number after the incident at the studio. She knew that they were broken up, but she couldn't shut him out this time. Somewhere, deep down, she hoped that he would send her a message today—something to let her know that he knew she would nail her audition. She wanted to know that despite everything, he really did think that she could make her dreams come true. As she slid her phone back into her bag, she realized that it was ridiculous to hope for any kind of message from him. After all, this was what killed their relationship.

' _No,'_ she quickly corrected. It wasn't dance that killed them. It was her obsessive need to prove something to herself and not really care about what it took in order to do so. Her willingness to dive back into a world she thought she had walked away from killed them. Her lies killed them.

She glanced up at the full-length mirror on the other side of the waiting room. She slowly stood up as she took stock of the damage she had inflicted on her body. She couldn't really survey the damage when she woke up earlier due to the sweatpants and sweatshirt she wore, but now, she was clad in tights and a leotard. Now, she could try to see what had horrified him on Valentine's Day.

Two months of avoiding meals, of purging whenever she actually did consume food did this. She was sixteen pounds smaller than she was at the beginning of the year. Eight weeks. Sixteen pounds. Not an ounce of fat was clinging to her anymore. As she turned to the side, she noted that she wasn't a skeleton, but she definitely was thin.

When she looked up into her own eyes, a new sense of fear gripped her. She wasn't exactly sure who was staring back at her anymore.

"Riley Matthews," one of the assistants called out into the room.

Riley tore her eyes away from her reflection. "That's me."

The assistant smiled. "They're ready for you."

She turned back to the mirror. _'It's time,'_ she thought before she walked out of the room.

* * *

Her hands shook slightly as she walked onto the empty stage. She had already given the CD to the assistant as she took her position. Here she was. Seven months of hard work led to this moment. She had sacrificed more than she thought to get to where she was standing at that moment. She let him go. She let herself go. This was all that existed now. One false move and she would walk away from the last year completely empty handed.

As the music began, Riley furrowed her eyebrows. That wasn't true at all.

 _/I can feel you in my skin like poison_

 _Burning_

 _And all the voices in my head keep screaming_

 _It's hurting /_

She took a deep breath before she lowered her arms to begin her routine. Her brain went on auto-pilot as she allowed the song she had listened to thousands of times take her back to the world as she knew it at his New Year's party.

'" _Why didn't you tell me about Juilliard? Don't tell me it's because I was busy with football or that you didn't want to bother me because we both know that's not what it was. You had several opportunities to tell me about it."_

" _I don't know why."_

" _There has to be a reason."_

" _I don't know!"'_

As she slid into a split, she still had no idea why she had kept this audition from him. She told herself it was because he was busy, that he had a lot on his mind, and he shouldn't have to worry about something that she might not even be ready for, but that wasn't it. She knew it wasn't. She knew there had to be more to it than that.

Maybe it was because she thought that he would try to talk her out of it? He saw what that world had done to her before, and-even though they hadn't known one another that long-he knew her better than most of the people in her life. She knew that he would be able to detect the first sign of trouble.

Maybe on some subconscious level, she knew she'd relapse and knew that he would be the first to figure it out. Maybe that's why she kept him out of the loop when it came to the audition.

 _/I'm shaking now_

 _Trying to breathe_

 _Your hands around_

 _Suffocating/_

She stared at the exit sign as she began her first string of pirouettes. That was all she wanted at that second. She wanted an exit. She wanted to find some way out of what she had to deal with over the last several months. Her life wasn't her own anymore. It belonged to the worst version of herself, a version she couldn't stand, a version who chose this life over the man she loved.

For months, she thought he was pushing her away. She thought that he had prioritized football over their relationship, and while that may have been true, she was just as guilty of prioritizing dance over her relationship with him—maybe even more so. She kept him in the dark about that side of her, and as a result, ended up completely shutting him out of her life.

As she rotated her entire body into a front flip, she realized that she pushed him backward too. She knew he wasn't a violent person. Yes, he had a past, and yes, he willingly punched one of her best friends, but she drove him to it. She had driven him just as crazy as he had driven her, and it ended in them both completely destroying themselves.

 _/Tell me now_

 _Talk to me_

 _Let me out_

 _Let me be/_

She sprinted across the stage into leap before she rolled onto her back in one fluid motion. As she bent both arms backward, palms to the floor, she kicked her legs up as she flipped forward.

When she fell into her last set of pirouettes, she knew that she had to get a grip on her life. The last few months had nearly destroyed her, and she knew that if she stayed on this path, it would eventually kill her.

She had always put an insurmountable amount of pressure on herself to be perfect in everything she was: daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, dancer. She had to be the best. She had to excel. She couldn't fall. She couldn't give into the darkness. Her whole life was a house of cards and she was the table that it stood on. If she moved, even slightly, the whole thing would come crashing down.

But hadn't that happened already?

Wasn't this rock bottom? Wasn't this moment the exact reason why she was spiraling out of control?

 _/This is the ending_

 _This is the ending_

 _The end of everything/_

In a flash, seven months of work were over as she slid to the ground to stick her final pose. She took several deep breaths before she stood back up. She could have done the entire routine in her sleep. She had no clue how well she had done, because her brain wasn't focused on her routine at all. She was stuck in an endless loop of the events of the last several months. She hated who she had become. She resented everything about this moment—the moment she had once dreamt of.

Her eyes slowly lifted over the nearly empty auditorium until they were met with green eyes—his eyes.

Her heart jumped into her throat as tears sprang to her eyes. He was there. He saw her, and in that moment, she saw nothing but pride in his eyes as he smiled at her. Seven months of work, and this whole time she thought Juilliard was the reward.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

_**A/N: Two updates within a few hours? I've never done that before, but why not, right?**_

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

She managed to make it off the stage and to a corner in the lobby before she finally broke down. Had that been a dream? Had she wanted him there so badly that she had hallucinated him? She bounced her legs as she tried to stop herself from falling apart in the middle of her audition, but she couldn't stop crying.

When she heard someone descend the stairs in the otherwise empty lobby, she turned her head away from the sound. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. Her whole world had slowly fallen apart over the last several months and she only just realized how bad everything had gotten. She couldn't do this. She couldn't move on from this. She hated herself. She hated who she had become.

"Riley?"

Her head snapped up when she heard his voice call out her name. She slowly turned her head around to face him.

He was real.

He actually came.

He saw her dance.

Without a second thought, she sprang up and launched herself into his arms. Her whole body was wracked with sobs the second she felt his arms wrap around her small frame. "You came," she repeated over and over again as she bawled.

"I had to," he answered as he lightly rubbed her back. "You were incredible, Riley." He had to admit that he thought of a hundred different scenarios for this moment, but not once had he considered this one. Why was she crying? She was incredible, and he had no doubt that she would advance to the fourth stage of her audition.

She clung onto him as she buried her head in his jacket. She wasn't sure how long they stood there. Minutes. Hours. Forever. She didn't care. She needed him there. She had been wrong about everything. She pushed him away. She lied to him. She hurt him, but he still showed up when she needed him the most. As soon as she saw him in the audience, she knew what she had to do. As she pulled away from him, she slowly sank back down in the chair.

He took her cue and sat in the chair across from her. He watched her curl up into a ball as she stared at the ground. After a few moments, he knew that he would have to be the one to begin this conversation. "You were so amazing."

Riley let out a small chuckle as she wiped her eyes. She knew it would be pointless, that more tears were to come, but it gave her an extra moment to gather her erratic thoughts. "How are you here?"

"I know a guy who knows a guy," he smiled. When she shifted in the seat, his smile faded. As much as he wanted to make her smile, as much as he wanted to wipe away every single tear from her eyes, he began to suspect that perhaps, she had realized something—something that, for the last few weeks, he had desperately hoped that she would. "I couldn't not be here. This is your dream, Riley. And even if we're…I wanted to be here today."

Riley's eyes fell to the ground. She thought she could handle it. She thought she could control it, but when she saw him at the back of the auditorium, she knew that she couldn't. She knew that the thing she once loved was slowly killing her. Suddenly, what she once loved, she now resented. A fresh batch of tears filled her bloodshot eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"What am I doing?" She looked around the room. "I'm finally here, Lucas. I'm at my audition. I just gave everything I had out there." She wiped her eyes. Why couldn't stop crying? It was embarrassing. The lobby was a public place, and here she was, having a complete nervous breakdown.

"And you were amazing."

Her eyes fell to the ground once more. "It's not what I want." She finally said it. What she had suspected for the last few weeks—what she realized while she was on the stage. After seven months, after so much time spent working on her choreography and rehabilitating her leg to the strength it was at before the accident, she didn't want it anymore.

He frowned. "What?"

"Dance." She let out a shaky breath. "I know it sounds crazy, but I've been working so hard for so long to get back where I was…so I could get back on track with this perfect plan that I had for my life. A plan I had for almost as long as I can remember…and I did it…and now…I don't want it."

He thought that he had been prepared for this conversation, but he had no idea that she would tell him that she didn't want to go to Juilliard anymore. He knew that it had been her dream for years now. She loved to dance. She loved to perform in front of people. She loved it all. Maybe she was overwhelmed. Maybe she was just nervous. "Or maybe it's because you're having a hard time believing that today is finally here."

"No," she shook her head. "I don't want to live my life like this anymore." She slowly turned to look at him. The first step was to admit you had a problem, right? Well, she couldn't think of anyone better to take that step with. "You were right."

He took a shaky breath. "About what?" He didn't need to ask. He already knew. He just needed to hear her say it.

"I'm sick," her voice shook as another wave of tears flooded her. "I…I haven't been eating. And also…this time…I've been making myself throw up…every day." Her bottom lip began to tremble as she waited for him to say something, anything. She knew he would hate her. He should hate her. He should yell and scream at her and tell her how stupid she was. She wouldn't blame him at all if he stood up and left. She deserved it and so much more.

His head started to spin. That wasn't an argument he ever wanted to win. He wanted to be wrong. He wanted to be a paranoid idiot. He wanted it to be all his fault. It was better than the alternative. It was better than the reality she was now forced to face. "I wanted to be wrong," he finally said after a long pause. "When did it start?"

She swallowed. She didn't want to tell him. She knew that he would blame himself for it, but he had to know that her problems were bigger than they were. They were always lying underneath the surface—just waiting for a bad day to happen. "The eating thing was gradual…I guess it started after we got back from Texas."

He gripped the edge of his seat. He had to know. "And the purging?"

She bit her bottom lip.

His heart sunk. "Riley?" He didn't want to be the reason.

"The night you lost your phone. I…um…called…about the flowers…and you weren't there. And then I heard all that stuff. I…I got off the phone and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself…you know…really looked at my body." Tears streamed down her face as she thought back to that horrible night. She ended up curled into a ball on the bathroom floor. She didn't think she could have gotten any lower, but she did—over and over again. With every day that passed since that night, she had sunk deeper and deeper into this warped sense of perfection she thought she had to maintain. "I-I hated what I saw…so…I told myself that I'd lose ten pounds and then…I'd be ready for the audition. I…I thought I had to do it…because I thought…I thought that was all I had."

He closed his eyes as he forced himself to bite back the tears he knew were threatening to come out. He had done this. The fact that he hadn't been there for her. The fact that he left her here. He should have gone to NYU. He should have stuck to the plan. He did this to her. "How much have you lost?"

She wrapped her arms around herself. "Seventeen pounds."

He lowered his head. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me…any of the times that you needed me." He should have figured it out. He should have made time for her between practices, games, classes. He had made so many mistakes in their relationship, and because of that, she was hurting herself.

"I think…I think that's the problem."

He lifted his head. "What is?"

Her whole body began to shake. "You know before…when it happened…I knew…even when we weren't together…that you were there for me. This time…when I thought I didn't have you anymore…I fell. I didn't really make the connection until I saw you in there, but…I depended on you too much. And that's not fair to either of us." As soon as she saw him, everything made sense. Her downfall wasn't the fact that he was gone and that they were in a constant state of misunderstanding. It was because she leaned on him too much. She put all of her happiness on his shoulders, and that wasn't fair to him. Everyone had flaws. He was going to disappoint her eventually. It was only natural. What wasn't natural was the fact that the moment he did, she completely spiraled downward. It was unhealthy. She was unhealthy. They, as they were at that moment, were unhealthy.

"Riley, I can handle it. I want you to be able to talk to me." He'd transfer back to NYU. Screw football. Screw A&M. That didn't matter. She mattered. Making sure she got the help she needed was all that mattered. Didn't she know that? Didn't she know that he would do anything in the world for her? He could handle it. He wanted her to lean on him. He wanted her to be able to depend on him, trust him, with anything—with everything.

Riley stared into his pleading eyes. She knew she had to do this, not just for her sake, but for his as well. She knew she had been a part of his downfall as well. He needed to understand that in order for them to survive, to be who they wanted to be, they needed to face a world apart from one another. "Yeah? What happens if you have practice or class or…what if you're asleep or something and I need you in the middle of the night because I can't handle the fact that I gained five pounds? What happens then?" She shook her head. "I can't do that to either one of us. I…I need help. I need to figure out how to get out of this and not put all of my happiness and healing into someone else." She looked down. "I need to learn how stand on my own two feet."

Was she telling him to let her go? After everything they had been through together? He knew things were bad, but he knew they could get through it as long as they were together. "Riley, I love you."

She looked up at him. "I love you too." It had to have been love. It would have been easy to beg him to stay, to fall back into whatever cycle they had found themselves in, but she couldn't do that to him. She loved him so much that she was willing to let him go—even though her heart broke with every syllable.

He quickly got up and closed the space between them as he took her in his arms. He couldn't hide it anymore. Somewhere, deep down, he knew that she was right. He knew he had to deal with his own demons and that she had another long road to travel. Last time, they did it together, but this time, he knew it was something she needed to do on her own. Still, it didn't make it any easier.

She wasn't sure how long they held one another. She knew though that the moment they let go, she would have to face a new world. She would have to tell everyone what had been going on. She would have to let go of a lifelong dream. She would have to figure out her entire life again. She would have to say goodbye to him. She wasn't ready. She'd never be ready for that.

"I don't want to let you go," his muffled voice whispered as he buried his head in her neck. He wanted to stay. He didn't want to leave. Deep down he knew she was right, but how was he supposed to say goodbye to her?

"I don't want to either," she sobbed. She gripped the back of his coat as she closed her eyes. She had to do this. She had to let him go. She took a deep breath before she forced herself to pull away from him. "But I need to do this on my own." She tried to wipe her eyes, but her hands shook so badly that it wasn't really helping.

Lucas bit the inside of his cheek as he wiped her eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to you." He reached for her hands as a desperate need to hold onto her overtook him. He couldn't let go. He knew he would never be able to. Riley Matthews came into his life when he wasn't expecting her, and now he was suddenly forced to face a world without her? It wasn't fair. It was like being in heaven for a while and then suddenly getting kicked straight into hell.

Riley's heart raced as she saw the tears slide down his face. She briefly looked down at their joined hands before she looked back up at him. This was actually happening right now. They were really breaking up. "So don't." She sniffed. "You know…let's leave it as a 'see you later'." Would they though? Would their paths actually cross again? Would fate allow them a second chance one day? She couldn't even consider it right now. She had to take the time to focus on herself and what she needed to do in order to get healthy and stay healthy.

"I don't even want to say that," he murmured before he held her cheeks between his hands. He looked into her eyes for a long moment before he leaned in to kiss her. He knew it was wrong. He knew that he was only hurting himself even more, but when she kissed him back, he knew that whatever this was—it was only temporary. One day, they would find their way back to one another. He was sure of it.

She couldn't help but memorize every millisecond of that last kiss with him. She never thought that she could love anyone as much as she loved him. She didn't want to pull away from him, but knew that she had to. She was mere seconds away from taking it all back, but she knew it would only lead them back to this. She had to get healthy. She had to learn to exist without him.

She took a few steps back from him as she forced herself to leave the safety of his embrace. "I'm not good for you right now. I'm not good for anyone. I need to…figure this out." She waited a beat. "I need to learn to love myself before I can even think about…the future." She wrapped her arms around herself to keep from reaching for him again. She already missed the sanctuary of his embrace.

Lucas nodded as his eyes fell to the ground. He knew it was selfish to kiss her, that it only made everything even more complicated, but he also knew that it could very well be the last time that he would ever see her. He had to let her know just how much he loved her. His heart slammed into his chest as he released a shaky breath. "So, what happens now?"


	19. Epilogue

_**A/N: I know I've said thank you in every chapter, but I truly mean it. For several months, I thought I would never get this written, so I am very appreciative over the support I've received for this fic. I hope you enjoyed it.**_

* * *

Epilogue

5 years later…

She hadn't been this anxious in years. She knew it was coming. She knew a long time ago that today would happen, but her heart still raced as she stood behind the closed door. She was seconds away from seeing him at the end of the aisle. She could feel her palms begin to sweat as she looked down at her dress. She could do this. She could do this.

As the doors swung open, her eyes widened. She couldn't do this. She wasn't ready. Holy shit, someone needed to help her get out of there. As she lifted her head, she saw him. Those green eyes at the other end of the aisle sparkled just as much as the day she first saw them in her bedroom seven years ago.

Just like the first time, she found herself completely enthralled by them.

Riley took a deep breath before she started her walk down the aisle.

With every step, time seemed to slip away. Memories of the last seven years flooded her as she never broke eye contact with him.

When she reached the altar, she finally forced herself to look away from him. After all, it wasn't her day. When she looked behind her, she smiled at the perfect vision who seemed to float towards the small group. Her best friend had never looked more beautiful.

She glanced at her brother as he watched his future bride slowly come down the aisle. Her big brother, whom she had only seen cry one time, had tears in his eyes. Riley's smile grew at the sight. She knew on prom night six years ago that Maya would become her sister one day.

Once the bride had reached the altar, she handed Riley her bouquet before she turned to Josh.

As the minister began the service, Riley's eyes drifted back to him.

Her dreams hadn't done him justice.

Then again, she hadn't seen him since the day of her audition—the day she decided to take back her life.

Unfortunately, they both knew that he couldn't be part of that journey. She needed to learn how to exist in a world without Lucas Friar for a while. She needed to figure out a way to be happy and healthy without depending on someone else to do it for her. She entered an out patient program while she finished up the last few months of high school. Out of all of her college acceptances, she decided to go to Columbia as an undeclared major. After one semester, she decided to become an English major with a concentration in writing. During her senior year, she was accepted into the master's writing program. She had recently completed her first year of study, among other things.

When he left, she felt lost. Even when they were together, just in separate states, she felt lost. It was a feeling that she wouldn't wish on anyone. Looking back on it, she knew that was why she fell head over heels back into dance. She thought that was the only way she could escape from the loneliness. In return, it nearly destroyed her. Walking away from him shattered her, but she knew that she had to do it—for both of their sakes.

Now here they stood—five years later and about to watch two people they loved commit themselves to one another for the rest of their lives. Riley wasn't sure how they managed to not cross paths over the last five years. Well, that's not entirely true. They probably would have crossed paths way before now, but she had been scared to see him. She was afraid that she wasn't strong enough—that she would still be the lost little girl who was afraid to lose the only good thing in her life.

It was ridiculous. She knew she had lost him, but also knew that she would feel the slight pang in her chest when she saw him again. As she stared at him, she realized that it didn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would. She was a different person now. She knew how to be happy with herself without relying on someone else to carry her through this life, but at the same time, she had to admit that he looked really good in a suit.

Lucas's smile widened when she looked at him once more. Riley Matthews. The one who got away. The one he let get away—for her sake and for his. He hadn't seen her in five years. He hated that they couldn't get together before now and talk about everything. He wasn't in town for the engagement party and she had a last minute emergency before the rehearsal the prior evening. When those doors opened and he saw her, he thought for sure that his heart had stopped beating. When it began to rapidly pound against his chest, he realized something he had long since suspected: that it beat for her. As clichéd and obsessive as it sounded, he knew from the moment he saw her dancing in her bedroom that she was the only one for him. Five years after their breakup and he was still certain of it.

When Josh nudged him, he tore his eyes away from her long enough to give his best friend Maya's wedding ring. When he looked back at Riley, he noticed that she was trying to stifle a giggle. He raised his eyebrows playfully at her before he winked. For a moment, he thought he had overstepped, but when the left side of her mouth turned up into a smirk, he knew that, while he hadn't been acquainted with her in half a decade, she was still Riley.

When Josh and Maya kissed, everyone erupted into cheers. As they walked back down the aisle, Lucas offered his arm to Riley.

"Hey stranger," she whispered to him as they walked behind their best friends.

"Long time no see," he answered.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Too long."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

Riley couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she watched her brother twirl her new sister around on the dance floor. They were married now. It was official. Almost a year of planning and it was finally here. Maya was officially a Matthews, after years of already being considered a vital part of the family. They were legally sisters now. It was crazy. Two of her favorite people in the world had not only found love—they found it with each other.

"We're next," Lucas told her as he walked up beside her.

Riley felt a shiver go down her spine as he stood next to her. She hadn't seen him in five years, but he still had the uncanny ability to give her goose bumps by simply talking to her. She looked at the glass in his hands. "No wine?"

He looked down at the glass of water. "Uh…no, actually. I…don't drink."

She looked up at him. "Really?"

"Yeah." He turned behind him to sit the glass down. "The last drink I had was about five and a half years ago. You see, I made a real ass of myself in front of my girlfriend at the time…said some things that I didn't mean." He let out a long breath. "I never wanted to feel like that again, so I haven't touched anything since then…not even a glass of wine at my best friend's wedding." As the music changed, he held out his hand to her. "May I have this dance, Miss Matthews?"

She giggled. "Absolutely Dr. Friar."

As they walked to the dance floor, Lucas narrowed his eyes playfully. "Who told you about that?"

She tilted her head. "A little bird." She watched him as he spun around to face her. He gently tugged her hand so she closed the distance between them. He placed his free hand around her waist while he still held onto her right hand. "Smooth moves, doctor."

"Ah, I'm not one yet," he smiled. "I still have a few years left."

"Still, Cornell…pretty impressive."

"So is the masters program in writing at Columbia."

She leaned back to look at him. "Who told you that?"

"Probably the same little bird who told you about Cornell."

"That big mouthed bird," she laughed.

Lucas couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he watched her. She seemed so much lighter now—freer. She didn't seem shackled to the past and everything that had happened the last time they saw one another. She seemed so happy now.

"Well, I know something you couldn't possibly know…because even the bird doesn't know."

"Do tell," he smiled.

She shook her head. "Maybe a little later." They danced in silence for a moment as they both tried to memorize everything that surrounded them. It felt familiar to be in his arms again, but at the same time, it felt so different—and definitely not in a bad way. She had been anxious to see him again. She wasn't quite sure how well they would interact—if they did so at all. She should have known that it would have been exactly like this.

Lucas knew they had to dance together. It was tradition. He also knew he would have to escort her back down the aisle. That was also tradition. He didn't know that it would feel so easy—so comfortable—to talk to her. He didn't know that they would be joking around, and perhaps, mildly flirting with one another. "I've missed you, Riles."

She closed her eyes. She hadn't realized how much she missed him called her that until that very moment. "I missed you too, Lucas."

"Really?"

She leaned back to look at him. "Yeah. I can't tell you the number of times I picked up my phone to call you. I wanted to tell you about the most random things." She paused. "Of course I missed my best friend."

"Isn't that Maya?"

She shook her head. "Maya's my sister…" she glanced at the couple, "Officially now…but even before…when she started dating Josh, we talked about all that. I knew that she'd have a new best friend. And…then I met you." She turned back to him. "I know you might not believe me given everything that happened, but you were my best friend." She paused. "I don't think I would have been able to…get through it all if you hadn't shown up that day."

He swallowed at he looked down at her. He had to admit that he replayed that day in his mind quite often in the last five years. He knew that while that day had been one of the worst in his life, it had also been one of the best. He knew that she had finally sought help. When Josh called him that night to apologize for not believing him, Lucas knew that Riley would be ok. It was the only way he could have gotten back on that plane to Texas. It was the only way he could have stayed out of her life for as long as he had.

Of course, Josh kept him informed on what she had been up to. He couldn't help but smile at the fact that Josh had apparently kept Riley informed on what he had been up to as well. Maybe Josh knew something they didn't? While Lucas had hoped that he'd cross paths with her again someday, he had no idea they would pick up where they left off before everything fell apart. He should have known. They had always seemed to click with one another. "I'd do anything for you," he said softly as the song drew to a close.

"Do you want to go somewhere with me," she asked him. "It won't take long, I promise." She glanced around the room as everyone clinked their glasses for the bride and groom to kiss.

"Lead the way," he said as he gestured toward the closest exit.

* * *

They ended up in the girls' dressing room where Riley rifled through her gym bag as she tried to find something. "So, you know how I told you that there was something that our little bird wasn't aware of yet?"

"Yeah," Lucas answered slowly.

"I…have something for you." She pulled out a small present. "I wanted to give this to you at the engagement party, but Josh told me you wouldn't make it because of finals. And then last night I had to go take care of a gown emergency." She walked to the other side of the table where he stood and handed him the small gift. She took a deep breath. "Open it."

Her furrowed his eyebrows as he began to open the present. "Oh wow," he uttered as the wrapping paper fell to the ground. In his hands was a book. " _'Out of the Ashes'_ ," he said as he read the title. The cover had a picture of a golden phoenix on it, which looked exactly like the pendant he gave to her six years earlier. He glanced at the other name on the cover before his eyes snapped up to look at her. "You wrote a book?"

She nodded. "And that is the first copy of the first edition. It's not Fitzgerald or Dickens, but…it's a start." She leaned forward to flip through the first few pages. She stopped on the dedication page so he could read it.

Lucas smiled. "For Maya and Josh for whipping me back into shape. And to Lucas, for always believing in me." He looked up at her. "Riley, this is incredible." She wrote a book. She was a published author. Lucas couldn't have been more proud of her. And to dedicate the book to him as well? He had no idea what to say.

"No one knows yet. I wanted you to be the first. It's a story about a young girl…who had to completely lose herself before she finally found herself." She paused as she forced herself to push down the tears that threatened to spill. "You know…if some girl picks it up and reads it…and…if it stops her from doing what I did…then it'll be worth it."

"I'm so proud of you. I can't wait to read it." He started to flip through the book when she placed her hand over his to stop him.

"You can't read it here. My heart's already pounding because you have it in your hands. I'm pretty sure I'd have a heart attack if I watched you read it."

Lucas looked down at her hand on top of his. He slowly rotated his hand as he interlaced his fingers with hers. "I'm surprised I'm not having a heart attack right now." He slowly looked up at her.

Her breath caught in her throat. "I…told you not to wait for me…that I wasn't sure if I'd ever be ready."

"I know," he gently squeezed her hand. The last thing he would ever want to do is pressure her into something she wasn't ready for yet. "But I'm willing to wait a lifetime on the off chance that one day you might come to me and want to go have dinner or something."

She looked down at their intertwined fingers. Not even in her wildest dreams, had she expected this to happen. "How long are you going to be in New York?"

"Until mid-August. Classes start back the 21st."

"What a crazy coincidence. Mine start back then too." She paused as she slowly lifted her eyes to look into his. "Lucas?"

"Yes?"

She bit her bottom lip. She knew she was ready, but was he? He did just say he'd wait for her, but what if she screwed it all up again? No. No, that would be impossible this time. She knew what her world was like with him—and what it was like without him. She knew she wouldn't screw it up this time. "Would you like get dinner…or something…with me while you're here?"

His smiled grew. "Are you sure?"

She took a deep breath before she leaned in close enough to whisper in his ear. "'I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.'" Great Expectations. Quoting classic literature to one another had always been "their thing". She hoped that he would remember the reference. She softly kissed his cheek before she pulled back from him. "I honestly don't think I could ever thank you enough for what you did the day of the audition. You changed my life, you know that?"

Lucas was quiet for a long moment before he sat her book down on the table next to her bag. "One more dance?"

She nodded as he wrapped his arm around her waist once more. Neither said anything as they swayed back in forth in one another's arms. They both thought about the past, were hopeful for the future, but above all—relished the present moment together.

"Riley?"

She turned her head to look up at him. "Lucas?"

"'You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read.'"

Tears filled her eyes. He remembered. Before she could second guess herself, she brought his face to hers and kissed him. Immediately, they knew that this was only the beginning of something they both had spent the last five years longing for.


End file.
